Did You Just Say That Out Loud? Part Three
Well, after a particularly
drunken restful long weekend, it is inevitable that I have either created or remembered a few more gems (or rocks, as the value of them lies in the beholder) that have fallen out of the tumbler that is my largely-empty head. Believe it or not, there are rules to this shit – okay, well, there is only one rule: I have to have actually said out loud anything I claim here in this ongoing series of wrongness. Originality is optional, though 98% of these I not only created but did so right in the moment.
I have actually said the following out loud, and some louder than others:
“I would rather just pound my nuts flat with a hammer.”
“Was I there for that?” (Used when other people recall events differently than I do)
“That’s awful for you. Need some vinegar and cotton now?”
“I’m gonna go outside and suck-start my pistol.” (During moments of military fuckery. Sounds dirty – it’s not)
“Okay, that loud popping sound was my head coming out of my ass.”
“Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” (Expression of amazement)
“Submit your request in triplicate for final rejection.”
“The only think keeping my eyebrows from growing together are my thumbs.”
“That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m drinking my ass out of the frame tonight.”
“Nobody get excited but I’m about to jam my pen into my eye socket to stay awake for this shit.”
Yes, in fact, I am a one-man show. I am waiting for Fox or NBC to call. In the meantime, enjoy the third installment.
This entry was posted on February 1, 2012 at 05:41 and is filed under Humor, Official Shit I Said Out Loud with tags biscuit, humor, life, pistol, saying. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.