Awesome Shit: Cereal

A long time a go in a blog post far, far away, I gushed poetic (wow, that sounds kinda dirty) about the joys of Waffle House. This is sort of a follow-up to that, and you can’t consistently eat breakfast at WH and expect to walk under your own power forever. So where Waffle House is excellent for a balanced breakfast (bacon, coffee, fat, and carbs), cereal is the sort of the remainder of the batting order.

My cereal preference tends to run to healthier shit, like Cheerios, Grape Nuts, and Raisin Bran (colon health is important). Grape Nuts I can only eat when I have an hour to pre-soak that shit, because if I want to chew rocks I have a backyard full of them. Anyway, I normally keep two or three kinds in the cabinet. When all three boxes get too low to make a bowl, I mix them all together to make EpicCereal.

I will eat oatmeal, cream of wheat and grits, but hot cereal leaves me with a feeling like, “Dammit, I wanted sizzling bacon and eggs, and I get this?” And, though I was not raised in the South, my Army experience has taught me that grits are best with butter and pepper, and served with ribs or fried chicken.

So if I’ve left myself time, my morning normally features cold cereal with milk, and I prefer brown sugar to refined sugar. It just has a better, richer flavor with that molasses-y thing going on… yeah. So let’s journey into Rant’s cupboard and check out what he has going on:

Cheerios – My hands-down favorite, and I prefer the classic style the best. A close substitute is the multi-grain type. Simply delicious. Cheerios take brown sugar the best. Also good for toilet training boys.

Oat-Nut-Flake Stuff There are several varieties of this stuff I’ll shovel down my gullet, none of which are relatively better than the rest, so I will just go with the cheap option that comes in a bag. Because there’s lots more in the bag, and more is better.

Shredded Wheat – Just the standard stuff here, please, because the frosted kind is gross. I have no idea what that white spoo is coating the frosted variant. Great for switching up flavor and texture. These suck up a lot of milk, so they’re filling also.

Lucky Charms – One of two weaknesses I have for kid cereals. The non-marshmallow parts are essentially Cheerios, so I can happily delude myself into thinking I’m eating a semi-healthy bowl of cereal. And the marshmallows never sink. Ever. Scary but cool.

Cocoa Puffs – Indulgent luxury to be sure, and always requires two bowls but using the same milk for both. You figure it out. Mmmmm.

Awesome shit! From hungry to slurping up breakfast in under one minute, and clean up is a snap!


30 Responses to “Awesome Shit: Cereal”

  1. Thank goodness another adult has publicly professed a penchant for Lucky Charms. A year ago my 3 year old couldn’t pronounce L’s or Rs, so it came out “Yucky Chumps.” We love Yucky Chumps at our house. I eat all the oats first, just so I can eat a bowl of unadulterated marshmallow pieces. They should just market a marshmallow-only version.

  2. I’m not a breakfast eater but I love Waffle House. I’m not sure why, but when I go, I feel like I should be wearing my collar up and dark sunglasses so that I’m not recognized. Now I’m hungry.

  3. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Mmmm..Waffle House hashbrowns – excellent!

  4. I’ve always dug oatmeal. Don’t know why – could be I’m boring. My wife finds it baffling.

    Grape Nuts, though – I get anxious just thinking about them. “Jesus Christ, I’m still chewing. Why won’t these go away? How long do I have to CHEW?”

  5. You have excellent cereal tAste. I love lucky charms and cocoa puffs. I also eat fiber one. One you have left off your list…cinnamon toast crunch.

  6. Honey Nut Cheerios for me, or Post Raisin Bran. My guilty pleasure kid-cereal? Peanut-butter Captain Crunch 😮

  7. Right there with ya, buddy.. I even wrote a post about my obsession:

  8. John Erickson Says:

    Lordie, it’s been years, but Lucky Charms and Raisin Bran were favourites. Raisin Bran had to get the heave-ho when Vicodin became a part of my diet – they both tend to (atypically) plug me up. (Yes, I work backwards on many functions. Drives the doc nuts!)
    Though I just got a thought for something you would probably love – a Cinnabon wrapped in bacon, filet mignon style.
    Or maybe chicken-fried bacon? 😯 😀

  9. I’ll alternate between healthy and sugary.
    Not Lucky Charms though – not a big marshmallow fan unless it’s been on a stick in a fire.

  10. At least you didn’t say you waxed poetic, because I know you army guys don’t wax anything.

    No Waffle House close to this section of the Great White North, so we occasionally make do with a Denny’s.

  11. I’m a Shredded Wheat guy myself, though Cheerios are my standby. Fun blog! 🙂

  12. Geez, now I’m really hungry!

  13. I love cereal! My husband can’t understand it – on the weekends I only want cereal for breakfast because I don’t have time for cereal on weekdays. My favorites are Frosted Mini-Wheats (brown sugar flavor if you please, I can’t stand that white goop either), Reeses Peanut Butter Puffs (this is like dessert in a bowl & I can sometimes be found snacking on these dry while watching TV) & Corn Pops. Never got into Cheerios of any kind – more for you!

  14. Great post! Lemme see…HN cheerios, cinnamon life, cocoa puffs, grape nuts, gn flakes, occasional Raisin Bran. I could do that forever.
    Oh, a grits tip from a southern guy i knew- pat of butter, 2 spoons of sugar, bit of salt, dash of milk MMMM…heart disease…

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