AutoTopic: Name Something You’d Like A Lifetime Supply Of

I hit upon this AutoTopic question some time ago, and initially I was stumped about how to approach this. Then in a flash, sort of, it all crystallized. Sort of like a supersaturated liquid when a dust speck hits the surface. Or your windshield in the morning during the winter. Whatever metaphor you prefer.

You know I can’t just pick one thing, because folks need jobs and this will keep big-rig truckers busy for a while. So this list alone will more than likely do more to stimulate the economy than anything the government has done to date. Enjoy this list and see if you notice a pattern:

Beer: Do I really have to explain this one? I did specify beer over the more generic term ‘booze’ since beer alone gets me in quite enough trouble as it is, so there’s no need to push my luck. And my liver will thank me later, as will my kidneys. A pipeline from Colorado to my house with a special brass faucet would be grand, but I’ll settle for a steady stream of aluminum cans also.

Bacon: Another one with no explanation necessary. Enough bacon can achieve world peace, and a lifetime supply of it would definitely keep my mouth busy enough to prevent the mistakes I tend to make with it verbally. So that counteracts the beer. This might also cut down on greenhouse gas emissions after all those farty pigs are rendered, so there’s that too. Bonus!

Beans: By this I mean the refried variety I made famous in my Burrito Rage post. Yeah, this implies I’ll also need a supply of the other ingredients, but I could actually switch to using only bacon grease, so don’t get all technical and shit on me here. This is my list, not yours. Go post your own. Unfortunately this will counteract the greenhouse fixes realized by slaughtering all those pigs.

Books: Just ship me a truckload per year, and include a wide variety. I’ll sort them out. I’m not too picky, but exclude fruity romance novels and related shit. And drop off the delivery quietly – I’m reading! Shhhh.

Bullets: The best defense is a good offense, and offenses need ammunition. For this supply requirement, I’ll take all the NATO standard calibers up to and including my beloved APFSDS-T with the DU penetrator (M829) for my tank. Additionally, I’ll need some .30-06 and .45 for some other stuff I have access to. Peddling shit door-to-door? Not here, you’re not.

Today’s Rant is brought to you by the letter “B”

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45 Responses to “AutoTopic: Name Something You’d Like A Lifetime Supply Of”

  1. What about Bacon flavoured beer? They sell banana flavoured beer over here, I know which I’d prefer.

  2. Sarchasm2 Says:

    Bacon flavoured beans and beer with a good book. Should do the trick for me.

  3. Ha. You said “penetrator.”
    Oddly enough, I guessed the first 4 before I ever read the post.

  4. Tissues! For me definitely tissues, unless I give up my only hobby (crying myself into sleep all the time) *sob fishing for comfort and tissues* 😉

  5. Survey says 63.72% of your posts manage to sneak bacon in.

  6. I’m going to call you an old fart….. Which, by that list you’ll be doing for the rest of your natural life…. Erm, breaking wind I mean.

  7. Today’s post is brought to you by the letter B. I was thinking exactly that and then got to the bottom of your post!

    I’m stealing your list and adding biscuits and butter…

  8. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I want a lifetime supply of: Marlboros, beer, books, tacos (not those nasty fish kind either), cash, BrainRant blogs (aww..wasn’t I sweet for sayin’ that)..and action movies. And, I’m older than you but did watch Sesame St. and you forgot the #..so, even though you’ll be testy about it – I’m gonna say your post was brought to us by the letter “B” and the number “5”. Unless your not referring to SS – then well..like you said its your blog/list anyway…

  9. Sign me up for CHEESE DIP!

  10. sleep…you forgot sleep. (but I am happy to see beer is #1)

  11. Beer is good, but I like variety: beer, liquor AND wine. I’ll just call that “Booze”. And bacon. Books are good. And cheese. I need cheese…calcium you know.
    I’d also like a lifetime supply of collagen so I can resculpt my thighs back to when I was 17. Youth really is wasted on the young.

  12. This is a tricky question. Could I answer money?

  13. Awesome list! About that beer and bacon… I have a suggestion for you. Check out: http://rogue.com/beers/voodoo-bacon-maple.php
    Rogue is making a maple bacon beer and I’m dying to try it out.

  14. Twinkies…Hostess is declaring bankruptcy and the Zombie Apocalypse is night. Oh, and some 12-gauge shells.

  15. I know you’ve been nominated before but I nominated you again for the Versatile Blogger Award. Deal with it. 😉

  16. Rantonit thinks YOU’RE old?? I’m carved out of petrified wood that grew in the dirt that John E. invented. You’re just a kid, a physically deteriorating kid, but a kid. I paraphrased Rooster Cogburn at the last place I worked. Told an immature, but happy-to-be-21 year old, “I’ve got socks older than you.”

  17. bloohmoon Says:

    I need the bacon but also sausage. Crown Royal or some type of whiskey, Black tea, Gravy Train for my pit, Cigars, cheese (Kraft), video games, hats and shoes. And music of all kind. Pasta, I must have pasta too. And transitions (eye wear) for my Photo phobia. Great post.

  18. John Erickson Says:

    Can you add tea and .303 caliber rounds to your list? They don’t have to stop here, just punt ’em out of an airplane with appropriate parachutes. Otherwise, my only addition would be gasoline.
    Unless you know of a way to convert cars to run on YOUR supply of gas. 😉

  19. I’ll take the money option, if you wouldn’t mind.

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