AutoTopic: Name Something You’d Like A Lifetime Supply Of

I hit upon this AutoTopic question some time ago, and initially I was stumped about how to approach this. Then in a flash, sort of, it all crystallized. Sort of like a supersaturated liquid when a dust speck hits the surface. Or your windshield in the morning during the winter. Whatever metaphor you prefer.

You know I can’t just pick one thing, because folks need jobs and this will keep big-rig truckers busy for a while. So this list alone will more than likely do more to stimulate the economy than anything the government has done to date. Enjoy this list and see if you notice a pattern:

Beer: Do I really have to explain this one? I did specify beer over the more generic term ‘booze’ since beer alone gets me in quite enough trouble as it is, so there’s no need to push my luck. And my liver will thank me later, as will my kidneys. A pipeline from Colorado to my house with a special brass faucet would be grand, but I’ll settle for a steady stream of aluminum cans also.

Bacon: Another one with no explanation necessary. Enough bacon can achieve world peace, and a lifetime supply of it would definitely keep my mouth busy enough to prevent the mistakes I tend to make with it verbally. So that counteracts the beer. This might also cut down on greenhouse gas emissions after all those farty pigs are rendered, so there’s that too. Bonus!

Beans: By this I mean the refried variety I made famous in my Burrito Rage post. Yeah, this implies I’ll also need a supply of the other ingredients, but I could actually switch to using only bacon grease, so don’t get all technical and shit on me here. This is my list, not yours. Go post your own. Unfortunately this will counteract the greenhouse fixes realized by slaughtering all those pigs.

Books: Just ship me a truckload per year, and include a wide variety. I’ll sort them out. I’m not too picky, but exclude fruity romance novels and related shit. And drop off the delivery quietly – I’m reading! Shhhh.

Bullets: The best defense is a good offense, and offenses need ammunition. For this supply requirement, I’ll take all the NATO standard calibers up to and including my beloved APFSDS-T with the DU penetrator (M829) for my tank. Additionally, I’ll need some .30-06 and .45 for some other stuff I have access to. Peddling shit door-to-door? Not here, you’re not.

Today’s Rant is brought to you by the letter “B”