Sick Search Terms #1

Okay, right after Christmas as I was dealing with trying to work the epic dinner I ate on through (keep reading, I’m stopping there with the info), I published the fourth installment of Freak Ass Spam & Search Terms. It occurred to me that since I’d been doing this, I normally wind up waiting for enough search terms to pile up before publishing.

Therefore, I’ve altered format and will now do these separately. I know, but after a while you will learn to deal with the pain. But your issues aside (because this is my blog after all, so it’s all about me), Sick Search Terms:

Encrypted_Search_Terms Why encrypt your search terms? Would that make the results secret? Or just unreadable? Does using those ‘ _ ‘ have some effect on this outcome? What does it say about me that I wonder these things?

Anal sexarama This bothered me enough to check and make sure I’d never posted anything about anal sexaramas. As I guessed, I had not. I will admit that I have had some long days in the Army that could well be a metaphor to whatever this disgusting fuckstick was searching for.

What were those toys that you sit on I was giggling about the possibilities of this search but then I stopped because that person came to my blog.

Mongolian porn sight – So many questions to be begged. Is there actually Mongolian porn? Does it involve yurts? Is it done on horseback, using small but tough ponies? Can Mongolian porn in fact restore one’s sight? If so, does that negate what Mom always told me about going blind?

Wasabi pants – What’s funny about this is that not only did I blog about Wasabi Pants, but I fucking invented Wasabi Pants (copyright). I see the advertising department is getting busy.

Salma Hayek physics – Clearly Ms. Hayek does in fact require a separate branch of physics. Just because.

Dusseldorf sandwich braunsweiger – Halfway normal. Good because it’s food, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Odd because this search term somehow send someone here. Why?

4 freak of ass – No idea here, and I hesistate to forward a guess.

“Edward Hotspur” troll – Oh. My. God. I think nothing would disturb me more than an E. Hotspur troll on this blog. Except Hotspur himself. And John Erickson. Just kidding guys.

Husbands doing housework fail – I can’t really disagree that we tend to. But why does that link to this blog? Someone’s obviously trying to tell me something.

Someone correct me here, but as I understand it, if it shows up in your search terms that means the person who entered it did in fact land on your site. True? False?

I have a feeling I want to be lied to.


32 Responses to “Sick Search Terms #1”

  1. You make me jealous. Let’s face it you need pretty specific search terms to end up on my blog.
    But you get Mongolian sex, Salmaa Hayek and Wasabi pants.


    I am starting to worry though…
    About you……


    Joking. Just

  2. Seriously? Mongolian sex and wasabi pants? Jeez. Some of my search terms are, “horror scene,” “penguins,” “pictures of ugandan children,” and “zioz means death.” Not nearly as good as Mongolian sex. …That sounded a bit different than I intended.

  3. Jeesh…the most outrageous search terms I get are ‘spider solitaire’ and ‘drama queen flat tire’ . Oh, and let’s not forget the ‘chinese translation errors’…yeah. Those too…

  4. Had an interesting one that I hope is not as foreboding as it reads.
    “John Phillips music grave” What in the heck were they looking for?

  5. Just yesterday I got a search hit for “Why do chipmunks have ears?”

    First off, I’ve never written about chipmunks. Second, why the hell do you think they have them?

  6. After looking at my search terms, I want to be lied to as well.

  7. I like me some wasabi pants. In fact, it’s cheaper than buying KY all the damn time.

  8. Congrats on a ridiculously bizarre set of terms.
    Hope you don’t get any for “anally fitted gerbil instructions”.

    Because that would introduce you to a whole new set of readers…

  9. Husbands doing housework fail is just hilarious. I keep getting the encrypted one too.

  10. Are there pictures involved with Salma Hayek physics?

  11. Great work, my brain-damaged friend!

  12. John Erickson Says:

    I might be guilty of the braunschweiger query – I think we were discussing snacks or disgusting food combos, and that was my entry. And I may be comparable to many a mythical creature (’cause as anyone knows, a myth is as good as a mile), but never a troll. Personally, I think I’m part lycanthrope, because I talk to dogs. But I’d have to be bred with centaur to get along with hooved animals as well as I do.
    Maybe a were-centaur? The only creature that can kick your ass AND bite your head off? 😀

  13. Mongolian porn restores sight??! If this Neurologist/Ophthalmologist duo can’t fix me up, I know where to look, even with one fuzzy eye.

    @ John Phillips

    Perhaps they were looking for Mamas and Papas songs. THAT John Phillips was a Papa.

  14. “Mermaid sequin uggs”.
    I don’t think this person was satisfied when reading my post.

  15. “encrypted_search_terms” is one of mine too.. along with “being honest sometimes” .. (sometimes?)

    But man, you got me beat by a mile with all your fancy shmancy Mongolian Anal Sexarama..
    Show off.

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