Have you ever awakened to a new day with the sensation of a burrowing alien in your head about to explode out of it? Welcome to my world. I am one of those rare males of the species that occasionally gets migraines, and the only saving grace to this fact is that I suffer them only three or four times a year.

That said, even one would be epic enough to check the block for the other two or three for the year. After devoting the better part of thirty years to trying to figure out triggers and mitigation methods, I’m still left with just paying attention to the signs and wondering what I did to bring this shit on when it happens. As a teenager, they were far more frequent but less intense. In my 20’s, they were nearly debilitating as the frequency dropped. Now I’m at where I’m at.

If I’m lucky, I can feel the whispers of pain at the base of my head and note the pressure building. At this early stage, about 800mg of Motrin will sometimes kill it, or at least blot the effect out. This leaves a funny “placeholder” sensation in my head, an empty dotted line of where the migraine would be were it kicking my ass, so to speak.

Then there are days like today, when the distant early warning came and went while I slept. Waking, the slightest movement sends pulsing waves of pain through my thick head. The sadistic, clawed hand has my cerebellum firmly in its grip and is squeezing the fuck out of it. I don’t have to put fingers to my neck to check my pulse, because it’s ringing in pain with each heartbeat. Awesome. My last hope is a Motrin and Tylenol combination – a trick I learned from a sharp Medic in Afghanistan. Sadly, I suspect I’m beyond the point of influence now.

I can look forward to three days of torture. No concentration. Sleep only when finally exhausted. A bizarre combination of nausea and hunger at once. I suppose I’m lucky because I don’t get odd light, smell or sound sensitivity. Just a fucking alien burrowing up the back of my head intent on eating my brain.

I’m open to suggestions, up to and including suck-starting an automatic handgun…

45 Responses to “RantGraine”

  1. Wish I had a suggestion for you, hope it doesn’t take too long to pass and you feel better soon

  2. this is when you go and recharge at the yeerk pool… I hope for your sake you’ve read animorphs؛

  3. Man, I too wish I had something to offer. Migraines suck rocks. I haven’t had one in years (long before I started dabbling in herbs) so I can’t vouch for how well it works, but Feverfew is supposed to help.

    One of the guys I work with also gets migraines (yes, he is also one of the few) and says the feverfew does help. Butterbur also might help, but be careful where you get that shit because there are some nasty compounds that have to be removed for it to be safe enough.

    I hope it subsides soon. *gentle hug*

  4. Unfortunately, no suggestions…just wishes sent your way for quick relief. I, as well as my nephew (an Army sergeant), know your pain. 😦

  5. Ugh. I don’t suffer that that particular malady so I’m short on the suggestions front. All I can say is I hope it passes quickly!

  6. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Hope you feel better.

  7. I am quite certain that a perfectly timed blow-job and a fifth of Jack woudl scare away any migraine approaching- Dr. Sparklebumps

  8. There are prescription meds that will put a bullet (figuratively speaking) in one of those bad boys in no time flat. Run, don’t walk, to the nearest doctor. It will change your life.

  9. 3 cups of strong coffee and prescription meds. Or the fetal position, yoga and hug therapy–Dr. Sparklebumps style. I hope you feel better soon.

  10. Ok I have no real advise for you however if you find there is pressure building in one head you must releave the other,
    Sparkles your up.

  11. I’m sure you already know this one…caffeine and motrin. That’s my serum. I get the eye flashing so once that starts I pound the caffeine and take some advil. Mine are related to either tight shoulders or sinuses. Either way a massage or chiropractic treatment stops the cycle, while the caffeine/motrin stops the individual one.

  12. Have you tried magnesium supplements. I know some friends who do that to manage their migraines and it seems to help. Hope you start feeling better soon!

  13. I feel very very sorry for you… I can slightly imagine this situation and it sounds awful, so goddamn awful! Hopefully you’re not suffering too much (but who am I fooling?) and hopefully the migraine won’t last too long.

  14. I wish I could help. But I’ve been suffering from migraines since I was 11, (almost 10 years) and I have found nothing, prescription or otherwise, that works. It doesn’t help that I wear contacts/glasses. The only thing that helps is sleep, if I can get it after that malicious pounding and squeezing begins. Research facilities really need to step it up and find a better remedy for these evils.

  15. I find a mild muscle relaxant like Robaxacet coupled with your choice of painkiller helps to some extent. Because the pain is so terrific we tend to tense up our muscles which just exacerbates the problem. Try the muscle relaxant with a warm bath, low lights (a single candle works for me because I get light & sound sensitivity as well) & then into bed. Hopefully this helps!

  16. John Erickson Says:

    Check with your doc, see if you can get a “triptan” medication (Sumitriptan is the most popular, I believe). Not that these do squat for me, or anything except a good, stiff jolt of Vicodin, several times a day.
    And now you know what my world is like, every stinkin’ day since sometime in 1999. Any wonder I ended up in rural Ohio? 😉

  17. Sucking down a coke as we speak…

  18. My husband gets migraines all the time. By all the time I mean at least once a month he’s laid up for a bit. Docs prescribed Midrin. He says it makes the headache MUCH worse for a short period of time and then *poof* it’s gone. Leaves him kinda groggy and irritated, but the headache only gets him for a day instead of several.

    If anything, the trip to medical will give you more blog fodder.

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