I Must Be Retarded

Quite a while back I announced – with some sadness and pride – that my Rants American Tour was coming to a close as I prepared myself mentally and physically for my Rants World (But Only In One Country) Tour. Okay, so I lied. Nothing new here, right? I blame the Army.

Today I’m coming to you from pretty-close-to-Savannah, Georgia where your Army chose in its infinite wisdom to put a huge-ass base in the middle of a swamp. See, we’re a green organization like that, and like to ensure the mosquito population of Georgia isn’t decimated by lack of fresh blood.

Anyway, when my orders taking me to Central Asia got shuffled and I found myself with an extra month of hanging around in Kansas, word quickly got out about it and of course my boss, the folks I impress daily in Maryland, and a few other derelicts of course had to ensure that my expanded, remaining time was used well. This meant I get to do my usual airport/rental car/hotel room gig and go speak more than I’m used to to folks who will forget who the fuck I am before I get back on the airplane on Saturday.

All attempts to deflect this one were unsuccessful, though I did elect to not try a full-meldown tantrum. Also, I chose to not exercise my “nuclear option” because no matter how jokingly you put things to people who outrank you, telling your boss to fuck off always carries the risk of being misinterpreted. So here I am.

The great news is it’s in the 70’s here temperature-wise. Compared to the 15-degree sendoff from KC, I can’t complain. I also am told there’s some good seafood eats down here, and we love us some seafood. Fred got to come along as well because he has never been to this part of Georgia before. Keeping Fred happy is a priority, though seeing as he never wears pants I’m unsure as to how he’d ever be unhappy.

On the downside, I’m shoehorned into another rice burner mobile designed to be comfortable for midgets little people, and I can’t send you an epic picture of Fred hanging out in front of the trees adorned with Spanish moss because my camera of course took a dump.

The Adventure Continues…


22 Responses to “I Must Be Retarded”

  1. Another fine day to be in the Army!

  2. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I’m so glad your mentally challenged…

  3. You’re not retarded. You’re special.

  4. Sorry, how many ways are there to interpret “fuck off”?
    I’d hate to think I’d been limiting myself all these years…

  5. In reference to the title- if you realize you are, you must not be. Although, some people might disagree. 😉

  6. That’s the problem with flicking a superior (military or work) crap – it’s all in good fun… right up to the moment it’s not.

  7. 70 degrees is even warmer than here. Gotta love mild winters.

  8. enjoy losing half your body weight due to the excess humidity!

  9. Bryonic Man recommended your blog and coming from Lord Byronesque, I thought I’d better follow.

  10. Yeah, I have one of those nuclear options to. It all depends on voice tone, hand gestures, and a twinkle in your eye.

  11. Hey, you get another chance to find out what a car does when you shift into reverse while doing 60 mph! Or how it feels to manually shift an automatic, revving the little sewing-machine engine out to 9000 rpm (give or take a grand).
    (Sigh.) So many opportunities for vehicular mayhem. I envy you! 😀

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