Random Rant: Street Advertisers
The other day I had to go off post and into town for some business. As I pull out of the main gate to the installation where I live (military, not an outpatient mental facility)(no, really), I found myself sitting at the stoplight staring in utter confusion at two fucktards across the street.
Said fucktards were street advertisers. One of them was in a full-up Little Caesar outfit, big nose and olive branches pinned to his foam head and all. The other ‘tard was dressed in a very lame attempt at the Statue of Liberty. If you can call a blue-green toga over a white tee shirt Libertyesque. In fact the only thing that clearly indicated he (yeah, he) was supposed to be Lady Liberty was the silly blue foam spikes on his head.
Both of these butt nuggets were doing this sort of dance, waving. Caesar had a promotional sign. Liberty just kept throwing his hands in the air one after the other, like a wave but just short of it. WTF is this? I asked myself. A club techno soundtrack would have been epic. Pass the X! Someone give these assberries some glow sticks!
Since there is a Little Casesar’s next to the 7-11 on that corner, the fucknut in the Roman getup made sense. But the Liberty guy? I could go on about how maybe any parody of the Statue of Liberty isn’t quite right, but that’s too obvious. In fact, my brain pan hijacked that thought quickly and led me into random considerations:
Does this stupidity actually work? I mean, really – does having a costumed douchebag in front of your business gain you more customers? If so, does the revenue earned cover the cost of paying the poor schmuck in the costume?
Is there a regulation or ordinance for this kind of thing? Kansas is pretty conservative, so I wonder what kind of rules cover this activity. Can they be only so tall? Or are there limits to what these folks can do?
Is there somewhere that trains these desperate people who wave in costumes? There are Schools for Trucking, so are there also ones like “Curbside Advertisers of America” or “Little Ceaesar’s School of Caesaring” or “Liberty Lady Liberty Training”? Is there a licensing requirement?
Do these folks have a union? Lady Liberty Street-Wavers Union, perhaps. If they go on strike, do they not demonstrate?
All that asshattery aside, maybe what bothered me most was the notion that I was aiming my car through downtown totally consumed by thoughts such as the above. Really. So what the fuck makes my brain do this shit? And why do these assholes keep poking the bear?