Awesome Shit: Fries

I have no real idea why this didn’t occur to me earlier, but fries are awesome. I may have been overwhelmed by my earlier food post of why bacon is awesome, I don’t know, although that would explain a lot. Bacon has that effect on the human brain.

I also want to be pretty clear here: I’m calling them “fries.” No adjective-type word connoting a nationality goes before the word ‘fries’ because there is no way anything that awesome could come from France. They do sauces and tiny wads of food arranged ‘artistically’ around a plate. Fries come in a big, warm delicious pile and just sit there.

That doesn’t imply that fries ought to do anything but just be awesome, of course. Honestly, though, they’re better in their intended packaging from your fast food outlet of choice, bundled and wrapped in landfill-clogging cardboard. This preserves the warmth better in my mind, and also keeps me from being able to over-salt them, because I like my fries with more salt.

Not all food places are equal, either. The hands-down winner in my universe is of course McDonald’s, but honestly it’s difficult to screw up fries. Generally, as long as they’re crispy and salty on the outside and still soft inside, the fry is good to go. Overcooked fries just frustrate me the same way overbaked cookies do. Who wants a cookie without a bit of chewy in the middle?

Fries blessedly come with about anything resembling a sandwich, which is awesome. Some restaurants have curly fries, which I’m ambivalent about, and others fry their fries with some god-awful coating that is supposed to add a crispy layer of goodness. I fight through that on principle alone, mainly because that’s my only option at the moment. I ought to add that you should never, never give me anything non-potato in fry format. Sweet potatoes are not potatoes, and they’re for Thanksgiving. Apples are… ok I have no idea what the fuck you’re supposed to do with an apple, but cutting it up and deep-frying it is not one of them.

I’ll also tolerate what is called ‘cabin fries’ – also called ‘home fries.’ They’re the large planks of potato and have a bit too much soft inside to crunchy outside, ratio-wise. The flavor works, though, so I don’t complain. Tater tots, I should add, are awesome in their own right and deserve a post of their own.

As for condiments accompanying my fries, I generally go with the standard ketchup, occasionally getting freaky with mustard too. I know someone will suggest vinegar, but that I only use when having fries with fried, breaded fish. One odd thing I’ll tend to do if I happen to have a chocolate shake at the same time is dip my fries in the shake. Delicious… otherwise, any standard carbonated soft drink is the right solvent to clear out the fry traces from my gullet.

Yeah… this early in the morning and I want fries…


53 Responses to “Awesome Shit: Fries”

  1. […] So Brain rants?  what do you think? Rate this: Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]

  2. I love fries. I love fries most of all from Five Guys Burgers & Fries. They make ’em fresh each day from different taters..

    My fries are always devoured with buffalo sauce (Hopefully not made from real buffaloes – eeew)!

    Fun post.

  3. This is what I’ve been telling you…if you wouldn’t have been thinking about my boobs so much, you would have realized this long ago.
    By the way, ranch dressing is the best on fries.

  4. I’m in the mood for some fried brain right now! McDonalds? Sheesh!

  5. Great rant! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in the ‘dipping fries in a chocolate shake’ area. I do, however, think fried sweet potatos have their place, such as with a big slab of ‘sweet bourbon salmon.’. Mmmm…

  6. Funny, because of the way they cook, I used to use making french fries as a teaching tool when I trained new cooks. Yeah, you can mess up fries. But none of those guys lasted with me if they couldn’t sort it out.
    And I’m right there with you on the dipped in the shake thing.

  7. You didn’t mention poutine, fries with cheese and gravy

  8. I’ve never thought about which is better, bacon or fries. Which could I live without? Actually I don’t want to think about that possibility

  9. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Fries with a little salt n ketchup – good stuff!

  10. Fries ROCK! I’m kinda likin’ the new ones at Wendy’s … with sea salt … as long as they’re hot.

  11. In n out fries are the best.n they have the best salt to potato ratio

  12. Rich Crete Says:

    No brainer. Fries with Baconnaise!

  13. It’s impossible that fries could come from France because they come from Belgium.
    If there is something I could eat at every moment of the day, and to which I long so very often, it’s fries. I share your desire.

  14. I think McDonald’s fries have changed and they no longer use a certain preservative or something. I try not to eat fast food, now don’t think I’m getting all pious. I have other vices!

  15. Chili.

    What? That wasn’t enough. Ok, here’s another thought. I can’t…..have………………..fries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wailing* I can’t fit in my pants so I’m back to low carb.

    *Sneaks off to buy fries*

  16. I used to make fries when i worked in a summer camp canteen. The spicy ones hot out of the deep fryer. Theres nothing better in the whole world. When i die, heaven better have that or im grabbing some potatoes and oil and going to hell.

  17. Oh, I have to tell you- I think you’ll like the piece I wrote today on my blog.

  18. A good dipping sauce I learned from the Turks is a mayo/ketchup/black pepper combo. Most recently the best fries served up to me were in Tampa, FL, at a place called Datz. They were fried in truffle oil. Oh my. I’ve never tasted anything quite like it. I just wish I could have eaten them all.

  19. well spoken ,well spoken *mad applause*

  20. Fries ARE Awesome.
    Sometimes we skip the sandwiche and just get FRIES and a CHOCOLATE SHAKE.

    Because they are so good together!

    Can’t wait for your post on Tater Tots . . . and Hash Browns . . . and Potatoe Pancakes . . . and other nuggets of your golden wisdom!

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