Deployment: Change #4872

All right, troopers, sit down and listen up. Here’s the deal. The Army loves me so much and thinks that I’m so freaking awesome that it just can’t leave me alone. Just yesterday I got word of Big Change #4872 (which is a randomly-thought-up number that perfectly describes a completely random situation).

So this Big Change, simply explained, comes down to this: I was going to Afghanistan to do stuff as we all know, and now I’ll be going to Afghanistan to do other shit. Got that? Good. Not too hard to understand. Sort of a job change, but before you’re hired. This is one way the Army shows love: it switches shit up on you and keeps you on your toes. I call it flexibility training.

Without going into navel-lint details that would actually probably violate security procedures and rules and complain about the new job I’m being sent to do, I’ll give you a good analogy of it and then discuss some of the benefits that the Rants Army out there will gain from this minor change.

First the analogy. And what an appropriately-spelled word, ‘analogy.’ I could best describe what I’ll now be doing over there as being bent over a table every single day for several hours of brutal prison sex, except without the lube, love, or tenderness I’ve been told you get in the prison scenario. As for your benefits:

As much as another solid month of my rant-tasticness on a daily basis.

More post-deployment posts later, since I’ll clearly be able to prepare some more drafts to have ‘in the can’ ready to publish.

A higher level of rantiness as I begin to mentally grimace in preparation for the rape I’m about to endure.

You will not have to endure me complaining about upper New Jersey, since I’m no longer headed there for my pre-training (Sorry John Trask, blame the Army).

That’s the short list I can come up with right now. There’s no guarantee I won’t come up with more since my brain is often like a a box with a light, button, and ball return. Sometimes you press the button and nothing happens. Other times, the light goes on, or a ball drops out, or both. Sometimes you press the button and come back the next day to a floor covered in balls. Kinda like that.

Anyway, more fun on the horizon…

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12 Responses to “Deployment: Change #4872”

  1. There’s still time to change it up again.

  2. Hey, at least there’s some good news…
    Sorta…
    Is the balls analogy at the end kind of like a losing your marbles thing, or did I completely miss the point again?

  3. More things change, the more thing satay the same…

  4. John Erickson Says:

    Gee, the Army changes it’s mind. Shocking, ain’t it?
    I’m sorry to hear you’re not going to NJ. That would’ve been a whole MESS of rants.
    (Only in NJ – I went to a big sci-fi con in a fairly ritzy hotel. I was musing to the desk clerk about taking a walk around what I had assumed to be freight-train yards just across the parking lot. “You don’t want to do that – that’s a maximum-security prison!” comes the reply.
    Only in NJ.)

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