AutoTopic: Cake Or Pie?

Quick Answer: YES PLEASE!

Suffice it to say my relationship with dessert food has changed significantly over the years. I’m now at the point in life where I’m caught on the horns of ‘can’ versus ‘should.’  I can definitely shovel that cake or pie into the target orifice.  Whether or not I should is definitely in question.  But to be honest that’s not what I want to babble about here, because I don’t feel like I can be ranty enough. Besides, there are enough diet blogs here, and I don’t diet.

To be honest, I have admit that I tend to enjoy cake and pie equally. Generally speaking, I avoid fruit pies altogether.  I actually avoid fruit even more generally, but that’s a different story.  I don’t like apple pie, or pumpkin, or cherry. The three fruit pies I’ll eat are peach, rhubarb, and mincemeat.  I’m not really clear about whether or not mincemeat is a fruit pie or not, but I know there is fruit in it. Peach and rhubarb are really a lot more trouble than they’re worth in terms of skill and effort, and mince is kinda seasonal.

Now put something pudding based in front of me, and you’d better pull your arms back fast or be willing to lose them, especially if there’s chocolate in there.  One huge caveat here is merengue.  What is with that? I want the pie part, not the pile of fluffy white shit because there’s always too much of on it. That is the fastest way to ruin a great lemon pie.  Also, don’t even think of using spray-whip. It’s all man-made chemicals.  I don’t put motor oil on my food, so I don’t want spray-whip on my pie.  I like a home-made pecan pie too, but it has to be home-made, not some factory-spooge in a crust.

In the cake world, devil’s food is number one, made with sour cream, and the more (real!) fudge icing the better. Red velvet is pretty good too, and so is a well-crafted angel food cake, but those take some skill. Pound cake is great too, but I normally can feel my arteries clogging with each bite.  Lemon cake is awesome as well, just as about anything with lemon is awesome.  In fact, lemon and lime are notable fruit exceptions (I think Pledge smells good enough to spray into my mouth, but I’ve never had the courage / inebriation to try). Carrot cake is pretty good too, and you can almost delude yourself into thinking there’s a healthy upside to eating it.

Like a pie, a cake is made or ruined with the icing.  Make it from scratch, with real ingredients please. Don’t give me cake with canned icing.  I also think whoever thought up putting sugar in crisco and calling it cake icing should be shot.  That crap has me walking around for hours trying to scrape the slick off my tongue.  For some reason buttercream doesn’t do that.

So what is the reader response here, I wonder?  Hit the comment button and tell me what I missed. At the moment, I have to go run because I think I gained a pound just writing this.

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24 Responses to “AutoTopic: Cake Or Pie?”

  1. You don’t like apple pie?! ….what sort of person doesn’t like apple pie?!?!!?

  2. Great summary. Corner piece (cake) for me. I would like to make a cake in reverse – a minimum of cake and maximum of frosting. Glad to know I’m not the only mincemeat fan. I’d like to think it’s all fruit, but please don’t ruin it by telling me what else might be in it, like tripe or whatever. My fave? Publix fudge cake. With a side of Chocolate Trinity ice cream. I feel no pain for hours. Someone told me that was “too much chocolate” for them. That statement is an oxymoron.

  3. Get yourself to Key West and have an authentic Key Lime pie. There are a bunch of storefront bakers down there, all of the pies are a bit different and all of them are phenomenal.
    Then stroll the streets with your pie and enjoy the in-pouring of a ton of stuff to rant about.

  4. mkultra76 Says:

    I once found a recipe for buttercream frosting using Crisco and butter flavoring. Philistines. I immediately ripped it to shreds.

  5. We were led to believe there’d be punch and pie.

  6. I make a chocolate pudding pie…yummy! And I also make homemade Oreos using devils food cake. Heaven! I like fruit pies. I think you might have terrible taste in pie, but I will forgive you since you are going to war soon.

  7. If I had a pie, I’d trade you for the cake. only the true sweet icing tho, none of that fluffy fake shit. can’t stand it

  8. Where do brownies fall in your cake to pie range? I put chocolate icing on my pan of brownies while still piping hot from the oven – it melts into a slick, shiny shield of protective chocolate armour. Plain brownies? ((yawn))

  9. Spooge!
    May I please steal that word?

  10. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    You can sign me up for the piece of home-made pecan pie…mmmm – and I can’t stand merengue either…

  11. I love cake…cake,cake,cake,cake…yum…pie..meh, I can take it or leave it…

  12. Chocolate cake + chocolate icing is always worth breaking a diet for.

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