More Shit I Believe (Two)

I posted this blog called, “Shit I Believe” a while back (click the ‘Official Shit I Believe’ over there on the right), and I thought it was about time for a follow-up.  What else is the internet for besides porn, really?  Anyway, by way of a disclaimer here to hopefully derail the failtards who might take exception to what I say, let me restate: “Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one and they all stink.”  It’s really funny how some internet trolls will rail against you because they confuse your opinion with established fact, and are nearly uniformly the same fucktards who wield their own opinions like facts.  Anyway, I digress again.

I believe:

… that the word, ‘chinchillas’ is fucking hilarious.

… there is a cosmic law that dictates that the urgency with which you must get somewhere is directly proportional to the number of clueless idiots around you slowing you down.

… I’d like fries with everything.

… you can either tell me what to do, or how to do something, but not both.

… our system has evolved to attract a certain type of person to elected office, and that those folks are the last people we need calling the shots.

… that as a corollary to the above belief, we would get much better results filling Congress by lottery.

… you cannot make some foods low- or no-fat, such as bacon, ice cream, and corn chips.

… that meetings equate to talking about getting things done, while just getting things done is a more direct approach.

… that while silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

… that folks who abuse children all have a standing appointment to meet me in the windowless basement room where I keep the rusty knives, blowtorch, vise-grips, rope, and coarse salt.

… I need more beer.

Again, enjoy the rantiness.  I hope you disagree, actually, because individualism is one of our country’s strengths.

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44 Responses to “More Shit I Believe (Two)”

  1. I absolutely believe in the cosmic law of red lights and slow drivers when I have to be somewhere. And a few of your other points… Hope you feel better after your rant. 😀

  2. I enjoyed this rantiness. You’ll probably find that most of us will agree with everything except maybe your dietary preference for french fries with everything. But that’s the point…it’s your ‘like’, not ours.
    Have you ever given any thought to running for President when you eventually retire from the Army? You say everthing so matter-of-factly (is that a word?) without any bullshit, unlike every dumbass out there now running for office. Just a thought.

  3. You actually sound almost human. I like that in an anrdoid!

  4. I can’t help but wonder… do you have handcuffs and a whip in that basement room? Or is it strictly for inflicting unpleasurable pain?

  5. I believe this is an excellent list of things to believe.

  6. 1000% agreement on you last one, about those who abuse children. Do you take appointments? Have a few here locally been on the news I’d love to send your way.

  7. Well, damn, I thought I was already following you, but when Life in the Farce Lane mentioned you, I see that I’m not. Will follow now. I do need more time sitting in front of my computer screen, wearing pajamas, drinking cold coffee, and not doing an f-ing thing about world peace.

  8. couldn’t agree more with the child abuse statement. Except they all get in a line, and I get a gun.

  9. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I hate evil trolls….

  10. Rich Crete Says:

    Can you make room in your room for parents who don’t teach their kids to respect their teachers?

    • Hmm. Maybe they can just watch what I do to the molesters, and I’ll tell the kids that they didn’t listen to their teachers, and look what happened to them…

  11. You believe in some good shit.

  12. Sadly, people HAVE made tasteless oops I mean fat-free ice cream. Reserve a corner for them in your windowless basement, please?

  13. “silence is golden and duct tape is silver” How profound! And they are interchangeable, as well.

  14. I believe that the 2 loser douchebags that loudly moved into my apartment building the other night at 4am, and are already doing dumb shit like leaving beer bottles in the middle of the driveway, are simply life’s way of motivating me to move out of this apartment to somewhere I like better (since it’s been at the back of my mind anyway.)

    PS – Don’t get me started on the conspiracy theories behind our elected officials. 😉

  15. I think there are always a lot of clueless idiots around you, and you only notice them when you’re in a hurry.

  16. I have always believed that if someone abuses a child they should be locked in a room with the parents of the victim and see who walks out. And if the abuser IS a parent, then the kid or anyone that child chooses should go into that room.

  17. Crinkle-cut french fries, crispy-yes…

  18. 1jaded1 Says:

    Child molesters would get hands tied behind their backs, something sticky sweet on their crotches and plenty of biting insects directed down there. They’d be begging for your blowtorch.

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