Rant: Irritating Internet Advertising

I don’t know about you, but I really hate internet advertisers with an intensity that could launch thousands of tri-state killing sprees. It’s apparently not bad enough that there’s an army of hackers out there getting off in their mothers’ basements with malicious code designed to ruin our lives and information, or legions of idiots out there who can’t speell, apply gooder grammar, exercise word selects or wont even punctuate

And of course, like the radio, print news, magazines and lookity box, there will be commercials. Intellectually, I realize this is just the natural progression of advertising in a capitalistic system. Within reason, a page with ads down one side or bannered across the top isn’t too overbearing and sort of fits within the concept of what I’d expect in the way of an internet ad. Some of them piss me off with flashing lights or mini-movie clips that push my ADD button like a little kid in the backseat who discovers the power window button for the first time, but generally I can ignore those after the first five seconds.

Then there are the irritating techniques. These are not designed to catch my eye but rather hold it hostage. I expect that the cumulative time I’ll lose from my life dealing with these by the time I’m too old to push a mouse will probably be measured in months. The most inexplicable fact of these techniques is that they’re not only all used by more than 95% of all web sites but are also all rated as the top three most irritating methods of advertising. Really. You are being nagged into consumerism, people.

Pop ups. I’d say this includes pop-backs too, the damn extra window that opens but automatically is put at the back of your desktop, like a land mine waiting for you to step on it. I find it quite interesting that all browsers allow you to block pop ups, but none of them ever are universally effective. Maybe the control panel in IE ought to say this: “Block all pop-ups except for Netflix.”

Slow loads. This is just as irritating as YouTube has become with pre-loaded ads you are forced to endure before the good stuff, like watching kids own themselves on skateboards, starts to play. Except this is the whole web page, and before I can even decide whether or not the information on it is of any value, I’m held at digital gunpoint. Yeah, wasting my life five seconds at a time will definitely make me interested in whatever you’re selling. Not.

No ‘x’ out. This evil technique is a sub-set of the pop-up, and presents you with some advertising content that is framed in a browser window but has no control buttons in the corner, leaving you to figure out how to shut that shit down. I’ve even seen ones that disable the right-click menu on the taskbar, preventing me from killing it there. This is sort of the Fatal Attraction of webvertising, this insistent window that won’t go away, forcing me to consider it – ‘Love Me!’

All of those I’d nearly say ought to be banned by law, but then that’s exactly what I’d expect from some lefty neo-Socialist in Congress trying to regulate the internet, and probably a topic for another rant at a later time.

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30 Responses to “Rant: Irritating Internet Advertising”

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  2. I often wonder just what it is I’m typing that lands me in the demographic subject to Viagra pop-ups, Jack Daniels offers and NASCAR memorabilia ads. Apparently I’m a 60 year-old hillbilly who can’t get it up.

  3. I’m with you! I cancelled my Netflix account for many reasons … including their online advertising.

    You forgot the annoying “rollover” concept. Ads that appear when you hover too long!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    The no “x” out one is the most frustrating for me.

  5. You use IE ?! For shame!

  6. Good point about those You Tube adds holding us Hostage, before we can even decide if the vid was worth it…very often – NOT!

    I don’t seem to be having a problem with Netflix ads, though. Hm. Maybe I’m doing something wrong? Or they’ve just figured out I won’t pull my credit card out for no one. ShpLack!

  7. John Erickson Says:

    Seriously, abandon IE at all costs. Go over to Mozilla Firefox. Far friendlier, with much better protection. Not PERFECT, but better. And when in doubt, CTRL+ALT+DEL will pop up a window that allows you to cancel tasks. Yeah, it’ll bring down your WHOLE Firefox session, but then you can pick which windows and tabs to recover when you restart it.
    And get an ad blocker like Ad Block Plus. They help too.
    BTW, there is something horribly flawed in the Viagra advertising, because my wife also gets those ads. And I don’t. Try to figure THAT one out! 😀

  8. When you request info, you can not call it an ad

  9. I tend to get ALOT of pop-ups, and that would really annoy me, but then I get distracted when there are boobies bouncing around on my screen and some girl asking me when I can get together….Have you ever fucked with those people and told them you are a tranny who likes it in a vat of lime green jello? It’s fun to see what their reactions are…

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