Road Show Update

Suffice it to say that yesterday and on into last night after arriving back in Marvelous Maryland (because alliteration is always awesome) I was about too smoked to type. Okay, I could type, but just not in any language y’all would understand. Third week travelling out of three here, people.

I know you all love to hear me bitch and moan about the random shit that happens when I travel, so here’s the installment on the trip:

Flight: Compared to coming back from Colorado last week, this was a dream in terms of schedule and execution. Everything went off as planned by the airline, but I know this is only a function of the fact that it did not snow in Chicago (O’Hare Crew Union: I am onto your sneaky clause that prevents ground crews from clearing snow when it snows). My problem was that somehow I got booked to two kids’ flights. I’m not certain, but judging on the size of the aircraft itself and the dimensions of the seats, that’s the only conclusion I can come to. Either that or Charlie loaned the Oompa Loompa Express out to United for a day.

Digital Support: My layover in Chicago can be summarized in two words – my cellphonebatteryisfucked. Yeah, you know what I mean here. No matter how carefully you discharge your cell battery and then fully recharge it as recommended by nine of ten hyper-caffienated teen cheerleaders who obsessively tweet, it will eventually just shoot it’s little electron wad in about one hour of dedicated use. That’s where my phone battery is now: Electron Narnia. The fucking thing got so low, in fact, that the BlackBerry went into full-on reset mode, which took all but 10 minutes of the 110-minute layover.

Digital Support Redux: Same airport, same layover. The backup plan to communicating with the outside world of course would be the handy-dandy air card that works with my RantTop computer. This would have been a stellar plan had I not got stuck with the very last outlet in all of Chicago-O’Hare to charge the cell phone with premature electronation outlined above. Naturally, this plug was in the pancreas of O’Hare, so the air card had to struggle through a total of about fifty feet of reinforced concrete and steel for a signal… or rather, no signal.

The Car: I was able to sweet-talk my way into a midsize, thank the Rental Gods, and thereby avoided a Kia, Honda, and Yugo compact, and something breezy with a lawnmower pull cord. This I’d consider a win except for one glaring fact – it is painted the most heinous shade of Burnt Babyshit Orange I’ve ever seen applied to steel. This color – and I hesitate to use the term – does not occur in nature and likely only exists two places in the Known Multiverse: Zombie Martha Stewart’s Spring Crypt Collection, and my eye-rape-fugly rental car.

Although this trip is my final one due to Afghanistan looming for me, I’m glad it is.

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11 Responses to “Road Show Update”

  1. The correct term for burnt baby-shit orange is California Orange. And really?! How could you not like that?! Now I’m embarrassed to say that I would buy a car in that color… but technically it looks better on a truck.

  2. I think that orange colour is something that most men detest and most women would love – LOL

    Sorry you had such a digital frak-up while trying to stave off lay-over boredom. Glad you got a bigger car, dispite the colour.

  3. John Erickson Says:

    Next time you do a layover in O’Hare, let me know first. There’s a couple of restaurants and hotel restaurants (shmancy places) right outside the River Road El stop, which takes about 10 minutes from the airport El stop. Pity the AFRES base pulled out, or I could arrange a sight-seeing tour for you of a great bunch of tanker (aerial refueling) guys. They had some great folk out there, even if they were Air Farce. 😀

    • But then I’d have to go thru security again. We’re only talking an hour to an hour and a half layover here.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Well, if you’d quit carrying those grenades in your underwear, maybe Security wouldn’t hassle you so much! 😀
        I’d have to check, but I think the Hilton (the one across the road from the terminals) has a pretty good restaurant, and not too expensive. The Hyatt had some good food back in the 90s when we ran sci-fi cons there, not sure if they’ve held up. You could get to the Hyatt and back in under an hour.
        Now, if you could schedule to layover in Columbus, I could have the wife drive me over to meet you, and I’m sure I could keep you entertained for your layover time! 😉

  4. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Electron Narnia (?)….still laughing…

  5. Shimoniac Says:

    I gotta tell you Rants, Burnt Babyshit Orange also exists on the shores of some toxic waste dumps, and the heads of a couple punk rocker-types I once knew.

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