Rants American Tour: Final Showing, or, The Good and the Bad of the Road

Holy long-ass blog titles, Batman, I suspect I just beat my own wordy record. No matter, because this post commemorates the beginning of the end of my 2011 American Tour. Okay I see a lot of sketch looks out there, so explanation is forthcoming.

You probably are aware I do a lot of travelling for the Army. This year alone I’ve been on close to twenty (I’d count for certain but I’d have to take off my shoes) business trips so to speak. Scottsdale, Las Vegas (yeah, seriously), El Paso, Colorado Springs (x4), Maryland (x5), Georgia (x3), Austin, Kentucky/Tennessee (x2), New York (x2) and of course our national capitol… and I’m likely forgetting somewhere eminently forgettable.

The Big Suck of doing this kind of work is when the trips get all nut-to-butt as they have this month, which means three consecutive work weeks away punctuated by weekend beer runs in Kansas. I’m the guy with receipts stuffed in his wallet waiting for a chance in the office where the scanner is to put in his vouchers. Anyway, the good news here is that my 2011 American Rants Tour concludes with a showing in Maryland this week. After Friday I’m anticipating some leave time and a visit from my Male Child over the holidays.

Naturally, or maybe I should say something like “because this is me we’re talking about,” good news must come with bad news. Sort of that karma thing fucking me in the ass as usual – prison sex, but without the gentleness and affection.

So the bad news… well, yeah. The main reason there won’t be a 2012 American Rants Tour at all of course is due to my impending return to Afghanistan. We all knew this from other posts. But then things got even better, because one ruined Thanksgiving just isn’t enough, is it? No, my Rants Army, it is not.

The ass-flavored syrup on this bowl of ice cream was the follow-on news that before the powers that be are willing to unleash me on Afghanistan, I’ll have to get all trained-up on things – no clear picture as yet on what that means – for two months prior to leaving. Even I don’t yet know what all this means, and rest assured Mrs. Rants once again lost her mind in the gentlest way possible in the span of a month. And I couldn’t even get an Army win last Saturday to smooth things out for me. Did I mention this training won’t be within driving distance of my awesome front porch?

Anyway, so there it is. I’d go on and be more deliciously ranty but I have a 7AM plane to catch. Again.



29 Responses to “Rants American Tour: Final Showing, or, The Good and the Bad of the Road”

  1. I have a solution for you – join the South African Army – they just go on strike when they don’t want to do something!

  2. Well, that blows! 2 months training to do an Afghanistan tour?? I’m thinking you will have to do a little alcohol training before taking off for everything else and everywhere else!

  3. Should we, bloggers, start a petition against it? Would it have the slightest chance to work or comfort you?

  4. That’s kinda sucky…. not to mention it sounds a lot like exercise :-/
    also ,you have a son?! How old is he?

  5. Oh, I bet the “all trained up” entails some suck-ass physical fitness stuff… AREN”T YOU EXCITED?!?!?!?

  6. I’m sorry to hear you have to go again. That BLOWS!

  7. Sorry to hear you’re deploying again.

  8. Becca Ne' Says:

    That sucks. I know. I feel the Mrs.’ pain. We’ve been through 3 deployments, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll go ballistic on someone if DH has to go on any more. I guess that as long as you are in though, there’s always the potential…

  9. I wouldn’t want to ‘like’ this post ‘cuz there’s nothing to like. Stay safe!

  10. John Erickson Says:

    Actually, I hope your “additional training” IS physical. That at least will have some clear-cut goals. God HELP you if they drop you head-first into some Government-issue lecture series on “leveraging your synergies”, whatever that might mean.
    Either way, good luck with the US leg of your tour. And best wishes to your better half, along with my utmost gratitude to both you for being willing to do this, and for her supporting you throughout. Bumps in the road included.

    • Thanks John. You’re awesome. If you want to come with, you’re welcome but you have to fit in a duffel bag.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Fitting in the duffel would probably be an insurmountable challenge. Finding a plane with enough thrust to get my keister off the ground would DEFINITELY be an insurmountable challenge!
        And the offer of helmets and chain mail still stands. I’ll even let you borrow my Lee-Enfield. Doesn’t fall apart or jam like those fantastic-plastic M-16s! 😉


    Hey Rant’s-I could easily beat your word record. However this is not a contest. Wish I could fit in your duffle! Di

  12. Exercise and then deployment? That’s really pouring salt in the wound. I’m sorry rants.

  13. I know you will just say “It is what it is” but it still sucks rocks. *Big Hugs* to both you and the Mrs.

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