Did You Just Say That Out Loud? Part Two

Sometimes I surprise myself with my own creativity. I started working on the Did You Just Say That Out Loud? post and suddenly realized I was racking up a healthy list of wacky crap that had flown out of my mouth. Never one to turn up my nose at free beer, I kept on plugging. Hopefully I can dredge even more choice utterances from the sick depths of my head later. To review for the newer contestants here at Hold Onto Your Sanity, the theme of this post is stuff that has actually bypassed my filter and successfully made it outside of my head. Not that I really have an actual filter, but on to the point.

I’ve actually said the following out loud:

“Not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, are you?” (Metaphor mix intentional)

“It is darker than two feet up a mule’s ass out here!”

“His parents must be so proud, what with him all walking upright and shit.”

“Hold out your hands… now, ‘want’ into one and shit in the other and tell me later which one fills up first.”

“I would low-crawl naked through a desert of broken glass and salt just to hear her piss into a tin cup over a telephone.” (I was single at the time, she was fairly attractive)

“If I don’t hear the words I want, I’m going to shove my hand up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.”

“I don’t get any of this. I’m just a rock with lips.”

“Thaht’s fookin’ frruity!” (Yelled, with a heavy Scots brogue, coached by a real Scot)

“Good thing your head’s attached to your body, or else you would’ve also lost that long ago.”

“Could you just draw pictures with crayons to explain this, please?

And so concludes the second installment. Enjoy.

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37 Responses to “Did You Just Say That Out Loud? Part Two”

  1. as nutty as ever….

  2. myslightlywackylife Says:

    I might actually have some to rival these!

      • myslightlywackylife Says:

        “Thick as pig shit” is one of my favourites and one that just popped out when talking to my cousin’s husband… “here, let me get you a napkin to wipe your mouth – it’s dirty from all the shit you’re talking.” Strangely no one else thought it was as clever as what it sounded in my head?

  3. “If I don’t hear the words I want, I’m going to shove my hand up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.”

    I like this one. I may have to borrow it. Do you want it back after I’ve used it, or not?

  4. My crayon pictures are excellent.
    “Hold out your hands… now, ‘want’ into one and shit in the other and tell me later which one fills up first.”- Does “want” include boobs? Because I may have said something like this to my Rockstar at one time… it wasn’t the shit hand that filled up first.

  5. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I read out loud to some kids – decomposers are good organisms..but my tongue tripped over the letters and it came out good..well.. you can guess…once the laughter died down..I thought, you people are too young to even know what that word means!
    and always liked “Use your head for more than a hat rack.”

  6. “you don’t shit from shinola” no, I don’t know what ‘shinola’ is.

    “He’s tighter than a c**ck in a school teacher”

    “I’m so hungry I could eat the arse off a low flying goose”.

    A few from my late Father-in-law….

  7. Ha, ha. Looking for crayons now.

  8. The one I say most is, “Just when I think you’ve said the dumbest thing ever, you keep right on talking.”

    Then there’s the word, “fool” which I use as a form of punctuation that makes me sound like Mr. T.

  9. Life’s too short to think about the things you say. I guess :).

  10. I’m a big fan of shit in one hand wish in the other…I am 0 and 99 shit.

  11. savorthefolly Says:

    soooo….please tell us what the hell you were doing two feet up a mule’s ass?

  12. John Erickson Says:

    Shinola was a brand of shoe polish. It was often used in reference to confusion over Polish (something or someone from Poland) as opposed to polish (stuff to shine shoes with). More useless data from my nearly infinite supply. 😀
    “Colder than a well-digger’s ass” was one of my father’s favourites, though I don’t know if he was referring to the body part or another name for a donkey. Although the most all-consuming one I ever heard was “What in the Sam Hill is going on here?”. I have NEVER found out just who the heck Sam Hill was….

  13. “You smell better than a broken skunk.”

  14. Archon's Den Says:

    From one of my barely sapient friends, in high school, rewriting the Bible. In the beginning, it was dark. It was darker than the inside of a pig’s ass.
    Same guy about embarrassing some fool with an even lower IQ than his, He turned redder than ten bottles of Ketchup.

  15. “His parents must be so proud, what with him all walking upright and shit.”

    I’m commandeering that.

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