Milestones and Roadsigns

Once again I’m on the road, taking my business out of my cubicle farm and off to moderately far away areas to let others experience my ranty awesomeness. I didn’t arrange it that way and honestly neither did the Army, but this shit somehow works out well enough so that rantaliciousness is spread out appropriately.

As usual, this post is going to bitch and moan mainly about the process of getting my ass from Point A to Point B. As usual, the Gods of Travel conspired to bone me in new and unusual ways and positions. Case in point: How important is a reservation anyway?

Apparently some folks don’t think it very critical at all. I should qualify by saying that judging by the late time at which I finally got ticketed and received the Golden Code for the airport machine, tickets are apparently not as important as I thought. I finally got a confirmed itinerary Monday at around 7PM for my Tuesday morning flight. Very exciting! I guess I ought to be thrilled for having some anonymous angel making sure I’m switching shit up and keeping things different.

Another case in point: Computers that make ticket reservations like to bone humans too, and at random. I smiled when I finally had my itinerary in hand, printed on a piece of paper. Then I cried because my return flight left in the evening on Friday and arrived back in Kansas City on Saturday morning. Folks across the river were embarrassed for their children when I was done swearing about this issue.

I somehow managed to get rescheduled inside of two hours from the airplane leaving. Of course none of the electrons associated with my shit made it to the ticket-spitter-outter before I got there, so I had to trouble the Desk Lady to run through the process.

Last case: The Gods of Rental Cars decided to urinate on my head this trip. Last trip,Β I sweet-talked a Dodge Challenger out of the folks at the rental booth. This trip, no amount of smiling or awesomely shiny head or witty jokes could melt the heart of the lesbian who issued me a Hyundai smaller than my luggage. I seriously have more smashed beer cans’ worth of aluminum in my basement than this piece of shit has in the entire car (a term I use loosely here). I suspect that if I engage the overdrive, a panel in the floorboard will open for me to apply the overdrive Flintstone-style. The front seat I’ve got racked into the back seat to prevent steering with my knees.

Okay, so now that I’ve ranted fully and heartily, let me wrap this fuck-chunkery up by announcing that yesterday’s post was my 200th since theΒ inception of my blog. I’ll offer my sincere thanks to all 510+ subscribers, the Freshly Pressed God (who also boned me hard), and mostly to “all y’all” (which the plural of “y’all”) for your readership, laughter, sarcasm, and support as necessary. Any success I’ve enjoyed or perceived is derived solely from all of you.

40 Responses to “Milestones and Roadsigns”

  1. Too late to offer you a “good trip”, as usual, that’s already been SNAFUed. Would you settle for a “good, rest of the trip”?

  2. Congratulations! πŸ˜€
    As for the trip ….. *points and laughs*

  3. Blame it on Mercury. πŸ˜‰

    Congrats on the 200th post, and have a safe trip.

  4. In order to get an awesome car like a Challenger, you first have to appease the rental Gods by sacrificing a Yugo.

  5. We’ll all miss your charm, wit and fashion tips, dude.

  6. 200 posts with 510+ subscribers. You’re da shizzle, man.

  7. I used to know a guy who used to steer with his knees as a normal process of driving. Amazingly, he’s still alive. Good luck and may the Gods of all that is trip-involved be half-way decent with you.

  8. I guess I shoulda been there to flirt with the car rental lady for you…
    But here’s an upside. Maybe you can just stick your foot through the floor of the car you got and Flinstone your ass to wherever you’re going- it’d be good exercise. πŸ™‚

  9. Says:

    Congratulations on your milestone and your “ranty awesomeness”!

    May your subscribers grow in number and your roadsigns always be “accurate at best”!

  10. savorthefolly Says:

    Congratulations on the 200th post and the 500+ followers. I’ve never seen a blog skyrocket like yours has with all your ranty awesomeness. You da man. and please have a safe trip!

  11. Ha, ha, shiny heads don’t always work their magic I suppose. Congrats on your 200th!

  12. Fuck you, of course I won’t congratulate you. My blog ain’t this popular, you sniveling little whore! ;D haha I kid.


  13. John Erickson Says:

    But you don’t realise how lucky you are to get that car! I had a Chrysler K-car once, and honest to God, drove it like a stickshift (despite it being an automatic). See, the crappier the car, the more you can abuse it (can you REALLY shift from “Drive” to “Reverse” at 65mph? Why not find out?), and the harder it is for the rental firm to find the damage. Seriously, I dragged a LeBaron convertible against a parking-lot gate, claimed it got bumped by a cart in a store parking lot, and didn’t pay a cent! πŸ˜€


    Nowhere near as computer savvy as a certain officer I know about. Is this how I bask in your reflected glory? Please add me to your blogroll before I piss Savor off again, and she puts a hit out on me.

  15. safety video…

    […]Milestones and Roadsigns « BrainRants[…]…

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