Black Friday

By now most of you know that I’m not the brightest light on the porch in some ways, and our (yes, plural) brain doesn’t necessarily make proper neural connections. Example: news coverage of this Black Friday thing going on.

The first thing I think is this: “How fucking-chunks cool is it that there’s a holiday devoted to my most favoritest color in the world?” Right. And you’d have thought someone would have remembered hearing this before, perhaps around 365 days back, right. Nope. So I’m clicking through link after link of news, visions of gothlets and emos running amok in the streets moaning about how nobody understands them, and what I read is some kind of twisted New Year’s -esque coverage of a countdown to the doors of WalMart opening. Talk about cognitive dissonance. And mentally, I’d already conceived of a Sisters of Mercy Music Marathon here on Rants Island.

Once I’d dealt with that disconnect and managed to assimilate the vision of hundreds of WalMartians stampeding into the aisles to buy replacement spandex, tube tops and hair care products to keep their mullets looking good, the ranty anger gland dumped a load on my brainpan. We seriously have to have media coverage of this? Really?

I suppose one thing I fail to understand is how the same media retards who continually pipe the shrill moaning about our tanking (still, apparently) economy over air and wire and then will, in the same broadcast or website, feature Americans doing what we do best when we feel economically comfortable: shopping for tons of shit we don’t need and paying for it on credit. Awesome. Sauce.

I have to wonder if I’m the only carbon-based, sentient lifeform here that sees that schizophrenic approach and subsequently decreases the credibility level assigned to what they consume from the mainstream media. At this point I have about zero use for anything that is processed through a reporter or writer no matter which way they lean.

I also start to wonder: we can vote dumbass fucktard politicians out of office, so how do we vote the media off the airwaves?

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30 Responses to “Black Friday”

  1. wordsfallfrommyeyes Says:

    ‘Cognitive dissonance’! You’re one of the BRIGHTEST lights on the porch 🙂 Fancy countdowning the days to a store opening. What the freak is wrong with us!!! Ah, love your fuktard language – your stuff makes me smile. Yep, we can’t vote off the media 😦

  2. Sure, we can vote off the media. Just turn off the channel. My TV has been off since last February, and I don’t feel I’m missing a thing. Except material for blogging, of course.

  3. aaah , I read about the woman-pepperspray-walmart thing and walked around with a smile on my face all day .

    And seriously , even I remember black friday , and I’m half a world away :-/.

  4. Sorry, but I got hung up on the Sisters of Mercy marathon. That needs to happen.

  5. No, you’re not alone in thinking this is not newsworthy. And I vote the same way by turning off the TV, but I don’t think anybody notices we’re not watching. It’s like voting for Ron Paul when you know some other dumbass is going to win anyway.

  6. And they say Mankind is the top of the food chain…..*sigh*

  7. “I’ve got nothing to say I ain’t said before” – I’ve been voting them off by not watching TV, but I don’t think it’s working because we’re not a Nielsen family.

  8. savorthefolly Says:

    perhaps you can start a new movement to make black friday what it was always meant to be: goth day

    except then the corporations and media would take over and try and sell us a bunch of black shit we don’t need.

  9. What amazes me is that these people believe that Friday is that if they do not buy what they want to on this day, then it will never be available again, or that that price increases. Often times, stores provide even a lower discount as Christmas approaches; and if anything sells out on Friday, it will be restocked. China will assure you they’ll keep on producing. Plus, I can guarantee, if you search on the internet, you can find the same item somewhere for less, and then it is delivered to you! No need to drive to the store, wander aimlessly around the parking lot in hopes you don’t encounter a an incident from the parking lot scene in “Fried Green Tomatoes,” and you most certainly won’t need to purchase pepper spray before your journey into the twilight zone of Wally World.

  10. I think they should hand out short bats tp everybody lining up for black friday and film it. Thats good tv.

  11. John Erickson Says:

    Oh, I just LOVE all the “on-the-spot” analysis of the great amounts of income the stores have made. One of them crowed about a 33% increase over last year at this time. Problem? They were open 50% more hours.
    Hmm.
    And we wonder why the Fed can’t get a working budget….

    • Remember: there are lies, damn lies, and then statistics…

    • savorthefolly Says:

      it sounds like as long as they keep the doors open the same rate of people come in, or at least the number of purchases continues at a steady rate. I don’t want to hang out there with all the shoppers, but it sounds like a solid business decision to keep the stores open longer.

  12. Did you always call them Walmartians? Or did you steal that from me? 🙂
    I used to go shopping on Black Friday, but there were never any shoe sales….

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