Awesomesauce

Awesomesauce. This is a pretty cool word, really. I’m jealous of whoever came up with it and wish that gem had rattled out of my head. I don’t remember where I read it, but that’s largely irrelevant. My mind is often like that one corner of the house that always accumulates dry leaves and McDonalds wrappers when the wind blows.

Recently there was a huge commentary in my blog about the word ‘awesomesauce.’ I tried to define it for someone who inquired, and the best I came up with was something to the effect of what you get when something is so awesome that it oozes awesomeness… so that eventually, around the awesome something in question is a slick puddle of… awesomesauce.

Being a person who likely has his own mental illness category unto himself, my brain – or whatever is in there acting like one – naturally kept flipping this train of thought around like a cat jacked up on the catnip in his favorite toy. This happened for a day or so, eventually resulting in nothing but the connection to another unlikely term I’d heard years ago: cool beans. That one dropped out of the crainial nether regions as neatly as a coke machine drops a bottle of soda out when I jam quarters into it.

Cool beans I think is not a bad term either. It implies a condensed nugget of cool-ness. More literally, it hints at a seed of cool that will grow and in turn produce even more coolness later on. Well, so long as the gardener doesn’t get distracted by awesomesauce and forget to water shit, right? Right. Oh shit! A squirrel in the garden…

At this point of course, my ADD gland ejected a massive wave of whatever spins me off into realms of doing random walks. I unleashed my subconscious on the thought, supervised by a couple of the Voices (in my head) and spun off to generate a series of half-completed tasks and projects, assisted by my buddy Joe (Coors). Meanwhile, here is what the Voices backed out:

Bitchen Chips – I think there’s more to the way the words sound together than any real deeper interpretation, but still I can’t help think that something that is totally bitchen (SoCal roots showing here) would make a sound like a tortilla chip when consumed. Yes, tortilla chips were specified. Trippindicular, huh?

Indifference Loaf – Alternately, I think you could use Meh Loaf, but that doesn’t sound as cool beans, does it? Something about indifference seems to imply a loaf – in the meat loaf sense – just laying there, uneaten because nobody particularly gives a shit. Or because of the olives in it.

Passion Punch – No idea here other than it has to be red and taste like it’s kicked up with Bacardi 151.

Fuck Chunks – Can I copyright that? Holy Bitchen Chips, Batman. The beauty of this one is that it automatically derives the versatility of the word ‘fuck’ language-wise, indicating a huge subset of colorful description. Fucking chunks, fuck-me chunks, fucker chunks, fuckkity-fuck-fuck chunks, fuck-monkey chunks… wow. Maybe ‘fuckwit’ requires ‘bits’ because fuckwits are easier to deal with in smaller doses.

Yeah, I know. Living inside my own head is way more exciting than the Army any day, and requires just as much courage. I should charge admission for these tours.