Overproduction And Other Current Events

One of the Plinky AutoTopic suggestions once asked me what my favorite TV programming was. The simple two word RantSwer is succinctly this: fucking nothing. Here’s just a smidge of why I question paying for cable, and mind you this is just the news programming:

Overproduction. Guess what? The economy is sluggish, but obviously something else isn’t. The Duggars are expecting their 20th baby. Really. At this point I have to ask technical questions such as, “Will Mrs. Duggar even know when she delivers,” and “Can Mr. Duggar tell if he’s ‘in’ anymore?” This is some kind of shared sickness. At some point after birth, this mini zip code will have both an offense and defense. The real sickness, though, is our obsession with one woman’s quest to turn her vagina into a clown car.

Salma’s Freak-Nasty Beauty Secret: She uses a zit removal tool. I am unsure if I was supposed to be disgusted by this or not. Personally, this sounds like an invitation to show up on her front porch with my two index fingers ready in the ‘squeeze’ mode. Yeah, I’m sick, but yeah, she’s beyond hot. Don’t need it on TV though since I was waiting for an email from her letting me know it was time to show up.

Sea World Orlando’s New Schtick: Apparently salt water wasn’t enough and they’ve now expanded into freshwater. I think they mentioned Carrot Top as the spokesperson and Oprah as the featured performer. Who cares? When the economy’s bad, why would I go all the way to Florida to look at fish when I can drive 10 minutes to the Commissary and buy some and eat them?

Courtney Stodden’s Reality. I might possibly be interested in this if Courtney and hubby Doug Hutchinson were a reasonably normal couple. However, I can’t get the thought of his 51-year-old-ass working her 17-year-old-mom-approved one. You wanted to be famous, right? Great – go prove your rack is real. Don’t forget Kim Kardashian had to prove her ass was … ass.

He Swears He Didn’t. Campaign time, or did you notice? Let the slinging of mud begin. Herman Cain is completely innocent of propositioning and possibly handling (as of this writing) four women. Just ask him. Yeah, I so want to vote for none of these guys. On either side. Some of those alleged victims brought to you by Mr. Confederate-Flag-Perry.

Bieby Baby Daddy. So Justin Bieber… *ack* sorry, I spontaneously throw up when I type his name … apparently had the best thirty seconds of his life with a welfare case so totally Sybil she’s just copped on national airwaves to statutory rape just for another little bit of the Biebs. Publicity stunt, or case of reality equalling shit that cannot be made up? Answer: who gives a fuck as long as this no-talent punk gets taken down a peg. Just tell me about the final result, don’t make me watch the childbirth – literally.

All of this is so much more relevant than anything else that happens to be going on, like the Chinese steadily buying our debt, or the fact that an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier just came closer to the Earth than our own moon orbits. Or how about the increased earthquake activity … in Oklahoma and Kansas, indicating that the New Madrid Fault might cut loose in epic style soon. The last time that happened in the early 1800’s, they felt it in Boston, two settlements vanished, and the Mississippi River flowed north temporarily.

In fact, the… oh look, boobies!