Overproduction And Other Current Events

One of the Plinky AutoTopic suggestions once asked me what my favorite TV programming was. The simple two word RantSwer is succinctly this: fucking nothing. Here’s just a smidge of why I question paying for cable, and mind you this is just the news programming:

Overproduction. Guess what? The economy is sluggish, but obviously something else isn’t. The Duggars are expecting their 20th baby. Really. At this point I have to ask technical questions such as, “Will Mrs. Duggar even know when she delivers,” and “Can Mr. Duggar tell if he’s ‘in’ anymore?” This is some kind of shared sickness. At some point after birth, this mini zip code will have both an offense and defense. The real sickness, though, is our obsession with one woman’s quest to turn her vagina into a clown car.

Salma’s Freak-Nasty Beauty Secret: She uses a zit removal tool. I am unsure if I was supposed to be disgusted by this or not. Personally, this sounds like an invitation to show up on her front porch with my two index fingers ready in the ‘squeeze’ mode. Yeah, I’m sick, but yeah, she’s beyond hot. Don’t need it on TV though since I was waiting for an email from her letting me know it was time to show up.

Sea World Orlando’s New Schtick: Apparently salt water wasn’t enough and they’ve now expanded into freshwater. I think they mentioned Carrot Top as the spokesperson and Oprah as the featured performer. Who cares? When the economy’s bad, why would I go all the way to Florida to look at fish when I can drive 10 minutes to the Commissary and buy some and eat them?

Courtney Stodden’s Reality. I might possibly be interested in this if Courtney and hubby Doug Hutchinson were a reasonably normal couple. However, I can’t get the thought of his 51-year-old-ass working her 17-year-old-mom-approved one. You wanted to be famous, right? Great – go prove your rack is real. Don’t forget Kim Kardashian had to prove her ass was … ass.

He Swears He Didn’t. Campaign time, or did you notice? Let the slinging of mud begin. Herman Cain is completely innocent of propositioning and possibly handling (as of this writing) four women. Just ask him. Yeah, I so want to vote for none of these guys. On either side. Some of those alleged victims brought to you by Mr. Confederate-Flag-Perry.

Bieby Baby Daddy. So Justin Bieber… *ack* sorry, I spontaneously throw up when I type his name … apparently had the best thirty seconds of his life with a welfare case so totally Sybil she’s just copped on national airwaves to statutory rape just for another little bit of the Biebs. Publicity stunt, or case of reality equalling shit that cannot be made up? Answer: who gives a fuck as long as this no-talent punk gets taken down a peg. Just tell me about the final result, don’t make me watch the childbirth – literally.

All of this is so much more relevant than anything else that happens to be going on, like the Chinese steadily buying our debt, or the fact that an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier just came closer to the Earth than our own moon orbits. Or how about the increased earthquake activity … in Oklahoma and Kansas, indicating that the New Madrid Fault might cut loose in epic style soon. The last time that happened in the early 1800’s, they felt it in Boston, two settlements vanished, and the Mississippi River flowed north temporarily.

In fact, the… oh look, boobies!

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46 Responses to “Overproduction And Other Current Events”

  1. Point well made….. right up until the las…..boobies where?? (0.o)

  2. I don’t care what they say. Salma has no zits. Period. She’s just doing it for the money.

  3. Don’t hate the Biebs, man. I’ve already apologized for the Celine Incident over at Hellis’ site…don’t make me apologize anymore…We gave you Ryan Reynolds! Come on!

  4. Becoming Bitter Says:

    What if I ate breakfast before reading your post BrainRants? I would have thrown up everything I ate when I read the words ‘Justin Bieber’. *Gagging* See, now I had to put that name in my comment.

  5. I see as you were finishing up Salma surprised you with an unannounced visit. How nice.

  6. New Madrid Fault… makes me nervous… especially since I get to look at its seismic readings every day I come to school.

    Great post. I’ve not watched TV since I left Nashville. I don’t have a TV or furniture for that matter. Doesn’t bother me much.

  7. The Elite of Just Alright Says:

    “Best thirty seconds of his life” is a bit too generous, eh, Rants? I’d say probably more like “best 2.34 seconds.” Seems about right.

    I also didn’t know women could impregnate other women. Weird?

  8. There’s a whole lotta shaking going on . . . through no fault of your own. 😉

  9. Step Away From The Salma!

  10. jennygoth Says:

    tv is the last place to get any sense of anything they show programmes we have seen hundred of times before and just give it another hearing like foolsn horses easter xmas spring show winter show ect and we are crazy enough to keep paying for it in the hope that put something new on wow my brains ranting aww well its there then i was beginning to wonder after being on wordpress lol xxjen

  11. John Erickson Says:

    Sorry, but the whole “reality” faction is lost on me – being a less-than-enthusiatic champion of reality in the first place. Though I commend your taste for Salma, even if I find your predilections toward her … interesting.
    Skip American news. Go directly to BBC or CBC. Do DEFINITELY pass Fox, and collect your sanity.

  12. References to ONLY two of your posts, for the price of one? Must have been a slow day! I have a Mensa level IQ, the curiosity of a magpie, and the attention span of a gnat. You list what book you’re reading. I’m reading three at the moment, A Clive Cussler and two different style sci-fi’s. A chapter of each, in rotation. Last week it was four. I finished one and resisted the temptation to pull out another. Conversations with me can be like a ping-pong match. My adult son, who lives with us, can keep up, but the poor wife is often left behind by the topic changes and re-ups.

    I’ve been mining your archives, which explains why you got a reference to Canadian bacon and Canadian Viagra, a month after you included them in a post. I saw the little picture of three, hand, sign-language letters. My daughter studied sign-language interpreting, so I recently had her translate for me. WTF! Duh! I should have known that!

    You can keep your quarter, I have a Coke can full of American coins I’ve sieved out of Canadian change, for my visit to Detroit for the spring knife show. I will, however, take all the pocket lint you can spare. The daughter also knows how to spin. She could make it into yarn and then knit it into a small bag, that I could use to carry around my ADD.

    Justin Bieber (full body shudder) was born and raised 25 miles away from me. I’d like to thank all you Americans for taking him off our hands. I’d compare him to a jar of mayonnaise, but the mayo has an IQ of three. A name like that, living in the middle of Mennonite country, and he didn’t know that he was German.

  13. Becoming Bitter Says:

    Hey BrainRants… Random Female Blog posted about this website a couple days ago called “Dear blank, please blank”.

    I found a letter that was somewhat relevant to your post…

    Dear America,

    You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

    Sincerely, Canada

  14. I like your tags for various posts. Gawd, funny.
    Also, Boobies = Something Shiny!

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    […]Overproduction And Other Current Events « BrainRants[…]…

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