Did You Just Say That Out Loud? Part One
I get this question more than you can imagine. Then again, perhaps you’re not very surprised. I’ve noted before I have a bit of a filter problem. By that, I mean, I am missing whatever neuron I’m supposed to have that diverts the mouth-moving-words-coming-out+content signal into the clearing barrel (ArmySpeak for a container full of sand that you can safely fire a chambered round in order to clear your weapon and render it safe / unloaded). I like to think that’s the bad news, because the good news is I’ve not really gotten in serious trouble for want of one. Except maybe for the Fat Lady Haircut remark. I also believe this is good news because lots of people around me have let me know how entertaining I can be. In fact, the guys I worked with in Afghanistan made me a tee shirt with five of my choicer utterances when I left for home. Hmm, blog post idea in that one.
Anyway, a sampling of some of the choice shit that falls out of my soup cooler:
“…(meet my request / demand) or I start throwing out dead midgets every ten minutes.”
“‘Or else’ what? Send me to Afghanistan?” (said in response to an ‘or else’ threat to me. In Afghanistan.)
“Shut up and get on the bus.”
“Hooooray for booooobies!” (Loudly, in public, with Di and for no particular reason)
“Ok, can you put a grownup on the phone now?”
“You wore hockey gear as a kid, didn’t you?”
“I would never shit you. You are my favorite turd.” (In response to, “Are you shitting me?”)
“I’m not yelling at you. I’m yelling in your presence.”
“Does your mom know you’re playing Army today?”
“Don’t forget to wipe!” (Loudly, in public, while dropping off Daughter Units for some event)
Yes, I actually have said all of these at some point, out loud. Sometimes very loud. I am sick enough to think that being described as ‘a handful’ is not only manly but a compliment as well.