No Clue: More Shit I Don’t Understand

Back in September (2011) I was on the road and visually and sonically reminded that I am becoming an old fucker. This is because I am finding more and more shit out there in the world that I don’t understand. I suspected that I’d find more, and I was right. If you want to review the first one, it’s right here. As these turds have floated to the top of my mental toilet, I’ve put them in here:

Stupid, cutesey nicknames for famous people. I’m referring to the tendency of the media to append nicknames to famous folks like “JLo,” “ScarJo,” and so on. Even worse, we now have to wrap up celebrity pairs this way: “TomKat,” “Brangelina,” and I’m sure there’s another set of retards who qualify because they’re banging each other. Or everyone. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that we accept this shit as consumers, or that the media believes we’re so retarded that we have to be fed in soundbites made of words with two or fewer syllables. I like to think we have a vote, and the voting booth looks like a remote.

Toddlers In Tiaras. Okay, people, this is some sick ass shit here, and pedophile baiting of the first order. First of all, what kind of parent dresses a girl under 3 up in bras, makeup, and slut-ho clothes in general? Even for Halloween? There are some limits that you don’t cross, so pull their parent card and sterilize them so they don’t fuck up again – literally. Add to that the whole pageant bullshit that only reinforces the poor kid’s faulty programming: “I’m a little diva, I’m the center of the known universe and tantrums are the secret to life.” Last, whoever decided that going and reinforcing the parental unit’s behavior by putting the failwad on TV should just be shot, but two or three at a time to save ammo.

Manscaping. I see this as not only a commercially-generated new revenue attempt (sort of like most holidays with Hallmark), but a creepy and homoerotic trend that is disturbing. Why would a guy shave his chest? I thought that was the point: male humans are supposed to be rough and scruffy and hairy. Why also would a guy change his hair color, use exfoliants, facial products, and other shit that previously was only found in the arcane collection of the women’s beauty aisle in a store? To be clear, I will eliminate nose and ear hair as required because nobody else on this planet wants to see that and it tickles and is irritating. I’ll even clip an eyebrow hair or two when they get completely out of control and decide to grow perpendicular to my skin, but rest assured that in 40 years I’ll have an impressive set of Andy Rooney eyebrows that will win fair prizes. And people wonder at the gradual effeminatization of American men…

Well that’s the latest edition of Shit I Don’t Understand. I’ll continue to add more because this is a self-generating topic. I keep getting assaulted by this shit from all sides, so the only thing required on my part is to take notes and share.

106 Responses to “No Clue: More Shit I Don’t Understand”

  1. mkultra76 Says:

    I like everything about this post. Alas, must mean I’m old, too.

  2. savorthefolly Says:

    I could care less what celebreties get up to, or how they are portrayed in the media, but I agree that the sexualizing of our little girls is just plain sick. I let my daughters play dress up and wear tiaras and play with little girl make-up, but this is all in the arena of playacting – not them trying to look and act like highly sexually provocative adult women.

    I don’t mind if a man likes to be well groomed, but to me that means a shower a shit and a shave – and clean clothes. I like my men to be men.

    I could probably write a whole blog about my opinions on men and women. I think men who are well skilled at traditionally female attributes (like patience, empathy, nurturance) are very attractive – just as I think it is appropriate to teach our daughters to be comfortable with traditionally masculine attributes (like assertiveness, ambition, leadership).

  3. I don’t think it has to do with age…oh crap maybe I am in the “old” category now and I just don’t know it.

    But anyway…there is plenty that I don’t understand, and plenty that I don’t care about. Movie stars? Who cares, if they all vanished we would all get along just fine. Think about it, if your job just disappeared would anybody care? If not, maybe time for a change.

    Don’t get me started on Toddlers in Tiara’s, just messed up junk.

  4. Becoming Bitter Says:

    Same shit I don’t understand. I would like to add though that women shouldn’t use that crap either! After taking pharmacology, I don’t trust anything they put on those shelves. Some of the chemicals they have in those products are NOT safe, but they call it safe anyway because they tested it on animals and enough of them lived. Just saying.

    • Any particular product problems you’d like to share?

      • No, because I use Dial soap, generic white shaving cream, deodorant, and toothpaste. That’s it. No problems.

      • Becoming Bitter Says:

        There are several that come to mind, but really just make sure you are reading on the back of those bottles. Google the chemicals in the hazardous database. Testing on animals does not guarantee a safe product. There are a lot known and unknown mechanisms of action of each chemical. Pubmed tells you no lies. Even the most used over counter medication have some mechanisms which researchers have recently discovered. Personally, it scares the crap out of me.

      • Becoming Bitter Says:

        LOL! Same basic stuff I use. However, the cosmetic products have some nasty crap in there though there are some products that really don’t do anything for you. When I mean don’t here, I really mean they can’t do anything for you (like certain shampoos women buy – they can’t make your shiny).

  5. I agree with everything you said, and I don’t think it has anything to do with age. It all gets down people who don’t have both oars in the water sucking up the crap fed to us on the news and, unfortunately, those mothers who should have taken an IQ test before they were allowed to fornicate and spread the stupidity. And I don’t understand the shaved chest appeal either…reminds me of my boys when they were still in the single-digit age bracket.

  6. Well said, BraAnts!

  7. Tits & Tiaras is a SICK show.

    Have a Bacon Muffin to make it better! I tracked down a recipe JUST FOR YOU! 😀

  8. Your Manscaping section reminds me of Brad Paisley’s song “I’m Still a Guy,” particularly these lyrics:

    These days there’s dudes getting facials
    Manicured, waxed and botoxed
    With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
    You can’t grip a tacklebox

    With all of these men lining up to get neutered
    It’s hip now to be feminized
    I don’t highlight my hair
    I’ve still got a pair
    Yeah honey, I’m still a guy

    Oh my eyebrows ain’t plucked
    There’s a gun in my truck
    Oh thank God, I’m still a guy

    You can see all the lyrics here:

    And of course if you want to hear it just go to or youtube.

    Additionally, I have found it interesting that many Asian girls gravitate toward Turkish and Mediterranean/Middle Eastern men which is the polar opposite of the hairless version they have seen all their lives.

    My understanding of that hairless phenomenon is a result of the lack of calories consumed during their formative years. It also contributes to the smallness of Asian people as a whole. The larger ones tell me that they are taller and bigger because they ate beef when they were growing up.

  9. There go my aspirations to be blond.

  10. The world doesn’t make sense. These things in particular.

  11. Wow, enjoyed the reading. you remind me some of the similar thoughts, thanks for sharing. 🙂 World is a strange place to live.

  12. <>
    Indeed – the perky peppy celeb gossip crowd. Puleeeze

    Give me a barf bag. What are these parents doing to these kids?


  13. Palm Trees & Bare Feet Says:

    For Stupid Celebrity Nicknames: The former is worse: “the fact that we accept this shit as consumers”, because today’s generation and society truly are retarded and the media KNOWS that and is only catering to our needs. The media is the smart one.

    For Toddlers and Tiaras: Hence today’s stupid society and what they’re creating with the future generations. I fear for the world.

    For Manscaping: Today’s world runs on “beauty”. Enough said.

    Good ranting and raving. I also don’t understand why the things you mentioned exist.

  14. John Erickson Says:

    100% agreement – no surprise, since I’ve got you pipped in the “old fart” bracket. To the whole mess, I add the Gap commercials with teenage girls singing about “looking at their legs in their tight jeans” – and then the 8-year-old Asian girl dances out. The wife and I saw it at the same time – I thought she was gonna grab a hammer and rearrange the TV set!
    And thus an excellent set of reasons for not watching network TV in decades!
    And I found an easy cure for the nasty stuff in shampoo – shave your head. Might not work for the ladies, but it sure cuts costs AND time involved for the male of the species. It really helps when Mother Nature does most of the work for you……

  15. and shortenings of team names to their last syllable like ‘canes, or ‘noles – because we all know how much trouble it is to pronounce THREE whole syllables…and infants giving us investment advice…u MF’er – i just made a note to post about “manscaping” and guys who use blow dryers et al…shit, i’m doin’ it anyway. well done Matt. continue…

  16. I’m typing slowly so you’ll understand this:

  17. Let’s gather a posse and punch the people involved with Toddlers in Tiaras in the face. Not the kids mind you, just the dumbass parents. John E., get yourself ready. We’re going punching!

    • Oh, I want a front seat to THAT. I can see it now, John E. leading the charge armed with a Blunderbuss.

      I’ve been dying to use that word for a month so thanks, Elite.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        now I need to go look up blunderbuss.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Sorry, HE, no blunderbusses. (Blunderbi? That sounds a bit kinky.) Best I can offer is a WW1 rifle with about 18 inches of cold steel bayonet on the front. And all the swords you can possibly carry. (You have to remember, swords have two benefits over guns. First, they never run out of ammo, and second, you’ll never be a suspect in a drive-by. After all, when’s the last time YOU heard of a drive-by stabbing? Hmm… Sounds like modern-day jousting. Have to give that a try sometime.)

        • You do that, buddy. My five and three-quarter inch wrists will back you up with a Fairbairn-Sykes Fighting Knife. How’s THAT for some terminology?

        • However, they do dull, nick, and occasionally shatter. My choice would be a katana.

          • John Erickson Says:

            I’ve got a number that are medium carbon steel, so they don’t tend to nick as much. And my fave is made of high-flex spring steel. It holds a nice edge, and you can bow it through over 35 degrees without so much as a hiccup. They didn’t do any brass or finery on it, either, so the pommel is a nice, heavy solid steel lump (think of a cat food can, 1/3 scale, on its’ side). Great for close-in bashing! 😀

          • So you use old leaf springs as well?

          • John Erickson Says:

            No, it’s a different component mix than car leaf spring, or coil springs for that matter. A bit softer to allow more flex, still enough carbon to hold an edge. I never got the exact mix, and I lost track of the dude selling them. More’s the pity – I’d love to order some pieces from him, including lawn mower blades. The travails of a gravel drive- little hidden surprises in the grass. The kind that really screw up a nice mower blade edge!

          • I question the sanity of anyone who doesn’t visually inspect the yard before the very first mow, as well as anyone who runs a mower over a gravel drive. Then again, I know who I’m commenting to.

          • John Erickson Says:

            Oh, you know better than to accuse me of mowing the dang drive! I always do a visual, but as the idiot neighbors careen up and down the drive, rocks get kicked up, and I don’t always see them. Though if they don’t knock that crap off REAL fast, I may just start a rock exchange program. For every one that dings my mower blade, they get one (with each measurement x 10) through their front window.

          • Waiting for it: “…launched from a ______”

          • John Erickson Says:

            “Launched from a …..”? From a sewer pipe stuffed with black powder. What do you think this is, Punkin Chunkin?

          • I thought so… Taliban-style.

      • John with his blunderbuss/sword/WWI gun, Ellis with his Fairbain-Sykes, Ranter with his katana, and me with my decked out Cavaliar armored car (thanks to John)…we’ll be unstoppable!

        • John Erickson Says:

          I do have a katana, if that’ll save time. Not the greatest quality, but usable. Also a neat thing called a falchion – picture a Bowie knife, but about 3-4 times larger. And my “bastard” sword – 53″of cold steel. That’ll keep the riff-raff off ya! And there are several gun stores in easy driving range, for loading up the vehicular weaponry. Let’s party!

          • Is it a simple cast blade, or a forged one with the folding and mixed steels?

          • John Erickson Says:

            Not sure, but I expect the latter, and hence cheaper, design. What do you want for $80, 20 years ago?

          • Dunno, but fries shoulda come with it.

          • John Erickson Says:

            If memory serves, it WAS the fries, coming as a a side (and partial gift) for my wife to accompany the main purchase I made, which (again, if I recall correctly) contained the cutlass and the falchion blades.

      • If this whole discussion doesn’t get us (or at least John) investigated by the Feds, I don’t know what will lmao.

      • Well, I did SAY I just MIGHT be a tad bit (just a little!) affliated with said acronym groups…*cough* CIA *cough*

    • Junk punching, I hope.

  18. I’ve heard the quote, “who says femininity in America is dead? Just look at him.” That accurately describes manscaping, I think. The only thing I have to say about it is, it’s not a bad thing for a guy to trim “down there”, because there have been times in the past where I’ve wished to have my weedwacker handy to find a tree in all that underbrush…waxing would be gross though.

  19. I agree with everything and I don’t think I’m old. Or wait, is 30 old? But I do think this current generation is a bit whacked out for my senses. I’m more old school and traditional.

    And don’t even get me started on Halloween costumes for girls. It’s enough to make me go postal.

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