More Disturbing Blog Links and Spams

Yet another distillation of the disturbing that regularly washes up the shores of BrainRants island. You really can’t make some of this shit up.

Search Terms:

“saggy cat-boobs” – I do post a lot about my cats, admittedly. I never realized there was a niche for feline MILF and/or GILF porn. But who is the sick bastard Googling saggy cat boobs? Worse, that whackjob was reading my blog.

“Farrah Fawcett dandruff” – WTF. I have no idea how this could have possibly led anyone to my blog. Really. I didn’t even own her iconic poster as a kid.

Blog Spam:

“Suicide Clean-up…” – Apparently there is a whole industry out there that specializes in cleaning up the aftermath of people’s messy ends, both intentional and unintentional. Being the sick fuck that I am, my only question is about what segment of the supply chain of this business isn’t covered.

“how to tighten vagina…” – This is almost a repeat, except this one actually has a website dedicated to the ‘best vaginal tightenting products.’ I refrained from clicking the link because there are some things I just don’t need to know. This is one of them.

“cop training…” – This came from a ‘’ site and promised briefly to train me to be a cop. Hmm. What do I need to know beyond beer gut, mustache, mirrored sunglasses, and itchy finger on the Taser? Don’t spam me, bro! Respect my authora-tai.

“woodworking band saws…” – This is not spam. Finally, thank God, the spam works for me, not against me. We loves our woodworking power tools… prreeecioouusssss.

“follower packages…” – No, never. My package does not follow me. It always mainly leads (physically at least). As I never retreat, having my package follow me in that example is irrelevant. WTF.

“Your blog does not render properly on my blackberry – you might wanna try and fix that”You know what, buddy? I’m here to hook your arrogant ass up, because I got a whole website full of people here who would love to assist you with your digital ineptitude, and quite possibly your fuckhead attitude. Since you kindly provided me with your email address (, I’ll turn this issue over to my Net-savvy hackers friends to see how you like dictating terms to someone whose Give-A-Fuck meter sheared off the zero peg decades ago. You stupid waste of semen.

“Дорогие Друзья рекомендую Всем сайт, на нем Вы найдете громадную…” – Holy shit. I took Russian in college and remember about two words out of the experience. However, they appear to want my little buddy Fred to do porn. This is a clear threat.

“How to Make More Sperm Increase Your Sperm Volume by 500%” – I’m left wondering exactly how I’m supposed to verify that I’m getting results given that sperm are so tiny. In the end, though, I just have no idea why someone would need more of any of that stuff. I’m going to stop thinking about it now.

This all just reinforces the notion that people will try to make money doing anything, even sitting at a computer doing nothing.

65 Responses to “More Disturbing Blog Links and Spams”

  1. Ah! That’s genius! I wish I had thought of that. I thought I was the only one that got disturbing blog links. For instance someone searched: ‘kids and their tight pu$$ies’ (I can’t bring myself to actually type it out when it’s in reference to actual child porn). I know how they linked to it in conjunction with my blog (Why Are Kids Pussies These Days), but shit!- really? Anyway, idea to post those. I like it.

  2. Gee, I guess I’m the only one that gets 6 at-a-time messages from
    In poor English.
    From a site that doesn’t exist.
    Really? How are you going to infect my computer and steal my identity if I can’t even click on your link?

  3. Becoming Bitter Says:

    I…BrainRants… I don’t know whether to laugh or be disgusted. I am LOLing @ “Fix that” problem guy. I know how you feel. I had some retards commenting on my blog too. I just call the evil spirits that roam the earth and ask them to attack those people so they can be taken to back where they belong: HELL.

  4. Do you need to tighten your vagina?! Oh brainrants this is a real issue … but we are here for you ahaha

  5. HULLO! Of course anyone who knows anything realizes you need to work out your Kegel muscles to tighten your vagina. Why would you need to buy anything?
    On another note, I’m glad your package leads you and there are no defects going on in your pants. 🙂

  6. I like to look at searches that land on my site. The biggest are any variation of “I hate Houston” (I do, but I just posted the one post )”big tis” (which I guess they were goigng for tits and typo-ed, so they get stuck with a Christmas post. – it doesn’t help I later made a post that was basically “it’s spelled tits you idiots”. Just doing my part to keep America literate), and weird things like “cat staring at astronaut big eye” – that more than one person typed that into Google weirds me out. Is there some cat/astronaut/big eye cult?

  7. I have such a list going myself for a future post.

  8. Personally, I like your response to the Blackberry ass….I think I’ll copy and paste in an email to the guy who was offended of my use of the word “fuckwit”….I think it applies…

  9. I thought some of my search terms were funny, but wow they’re really tame compared to yours!

  10. OMG. There are truly things I don’t want to know/see – and the internet definitely has them. My search terms have become TAME.

  11. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one subject to crazy search terms and goofy ass blog spam.

  12. haha!! Love it! 😀
    And there is a movie about “bloody crime scene clean-up”… it’s called, Sunshine Cleaning.
    Interesting film.
    I get silly spam link thingies too… so don’t feel all alone.. 😉


  13. You are my HERO for posting that email address and in such a lovely shade of flourescent eye-burning yellow as well. I feel like I should help out by posting it on my FB and twitter accounts just to spread the word.

  14. Don’t forget the spam that targets foreign college students. The one’s that promise they can enhance your chances of being chosen in the green card lottery if you pay a small fee of $69.99, when clearly the State Department constantly reminds people that the green card lottery is FREE.

    Maybe I should blog about that…

  15. Dr. Brains…. enjoyed the article lolz, thanks for sharing 🙂

  16. John Erickson Says:

    I’m sorry, it’s the engineer in me. I’m trying to work out a fix for the saggy cat boobs. Considering I’ve got a female cat that’s about 18″ – in any given direction. (Less sag, more beachball.)

  17. To make more sperm, all a guy has to do is just sit there, if I’m not mistaken. You’ve got some interesting search terms there.

  18. LisaaLinh Says:

    I have yet to encounter that sort of spam and hope I don’t get weird searches like that! Although, it does make a wonderful post/topic to write about.

    P.S. if you haven’t noticed, I have featured you as our VIP of the week, as well as have you linked up under my favorites! I know you’re trying to push traffic down, but I’m sure you don’t mind a few more stragglers!

    – Lisa

    • Lisa, no problem, and I’m really honored. As soon as I click ‘send’ on this I’m going over to check that shit out. You are my personal Rock Star for today.

  19. Off topic but, if anyone wants a subject to rant about…
    I looked out my front window last night, and the idiot neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights on. Not “up”, they never take them down, which, as far as I’m concerned, is the smartest thing they (don’t) do, but plugged in and merrily twinkling. It’s not even Halloween yet. These folks are East Indian. They may have converted to Christianity to be allowed to immigrate, but that’s just excessive. Wait for someone else to set the pace and be the second on your block.

    • What I hate is commercial establishments peddling the tainted concept of Christmas on 01NOV or earlier just to make a heathen buck. Your neighbors sound like honest folks trying to assimilate into American culture who unfortunately put out their displays on the WalMart calendar. I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. At least they’re not petitioning for education in another language or recognition of Sharia law. Think about it.

  20. 😀 haha!! Mine are relatively more sensible :-/

  21. hi, good see again.

  22. Some people are really precise in what they want. I got:
    frum + porn -“david frum”.
    Apparently there’s a famous guy with that name screwing up some guy’s fantasy searches. So this poor horny fellow adjusts his search parameters and gets to my site. Poor sap. Hopefully he found what he wanted before it got light out.

  23. It’s a Canadian culture, and I’m not too sure about “honest”. They run a commercial company at their home in a residential zone. They make and sell Indian food from their house. That explains what I thought were dozens of relatives coming and going. Sadly, it’s not unusual. A computer check shows that about every other house on the street has some kind of business. Mostly it’s just for a mailing address. The guy next to them sells promotional items for golf tournaments and such. I watched him fill a guy’s van at 0330 one morning. As long as they don’t scare the horses, I won’t call bylaw enforcement. I’ll just do what you do so well, rant.

  24. I am getting plenty of spam comments these days. Thank the heavenly lord for that Askimet spam catcher.

Join the Ranting!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: