A Letter To WordPress

A comment from SandyLikeABeach prompted me to try and do something about this apparent unfairness with the Freshly Pressed features. I’m off the splash page but still a featured blog under the ‘humor’ topic. Message sent as follows:


Dear Story Wrangler:

I’d like to say thanks for the honor of being Freshly Pressed. It has been interesting to say the least, and I have a lot of new regular readers.

Without being rude or ungrateful, I have to ask at this point, almost two weeks later, do you plan on selecting a new set of featured writers? I think they deserve their fair share, and some have mentioned to me that they think I am a dick.

If you intend to let me remain the FP Humor King, then I will expect a royalty check, free beer, or a custom parking spot, or something. My wife, Di, would love a WordPress tee shirt, keyring, or something similar.

Have a great and wordy day!


 —–Original Message—–

From: Erica – WordPress.com [mailto:editor@wordpress.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 1:21 PM
To: BrainRants
Subject: [#967818]: BrainRants Post Promoted at WordPress.com

Congrats! Your post (https://brainrants.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/burrito-rage/) has been promoted to Freshly Pressed on the WordPress.com home page.

 You’re now part of an elite group! Are you making the most of your WordPress.com site?

 * To get a custom .com domain (like yourawesomesite.com) see http://en.support.wordpress.com/domain-mapping/

* To personalize your site’s appearance with custom fonts and CSS, visit http://en.support.wordpress.com/custom-design/

* To learn about how to become a WordPress.com expert, check out http://learn.wordpress.com/

 If you’re curious about how the Freshly Pressed posts are selected, see http://en.support.wordpress.com/five-ways-to-get-featured-on-freshly-pressed/

 Last but not least, be proud! Tell your friends, family, and blog readers to check out the front page of WordPress.com today!

Story Wrangler
WordPress.com | Automattic

Hopefully things will return to normal soon.


70 Responses to “A Letter To WordPress”

  1. Di, would love a WordPress tee shirt, < Ahaha bless her. It could be a "I have been freshly pressed" T-shirt.

  2. poor freshly pressed story wranglers. you ARE quite amusing… maybe they have been spellbound!

  3. Haha! This is great! I was wondering when they were going to change the Freshly Pressed people. Not that you didn’t deserve to be up there for so long! 😉

  4. Sheesh. Fresh Pressed for two weeks and now you want a tee shirt and a key ring?
    Some folks let success go straight to their head.

    But if you do get them to give away stuff, put me down for a bag of macadamia nuts, an anvil and some chicken feet. ( I need some props for a future post.)

  5. I WAS wondering who I could pay off to get that much free publicity.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Unfortunately, I am one of your new readers. Not for me! I am enjoying the ride very much; but for you it seems a bit overwhelming. Luckily, I don’t comment much. In fact I am only commenting today to warn you: I Googled AutoTopic to see if WP had a list of topics from the past and your blog was listed on the first page. A lot. You may want to avoid using the words Auto-Topic in your title and editing the current ones. Only if you don’t want to be found that way.

    To you and your commenters – as far as I am concerned you should all be FPed regularly (which sounds truly violent and dirty) – I haven’t enjoyed staring at a computer screen this much in ages! Thanks for the laughs 🙂

  7. Don’t forget the beer mug. Always ask for a beer mug.

  8. It’s really annoying the way they try and pimp you out isn’t it? My dashboard keeps asking if I want to go pro. I want to remind them that I wrote a post about NOT becoming a prostitute…

  9. Imagine my dismay when I logged on to WordPress this morning and Burrito Rage was no longer prominently displayed on the Freshly Pressed page. I wasn’t able to shake my head, chuckle to myself and think “Brainrants is going to be pissed that he’s still on FP.” Kudos to you, sir, for a long, well deserved run (and I didn’t think it was your best post, either, but you definitely deserved to be noticed by the FP police).

    I would doff my hat if I were wearing one because I know you answered every comment. That to me is even more impressive!!

    • Well, as I mentioned, your comment caused the neuron to fire that generated the email. No idea if it worked. I am still the featured fucktard on the ‘humor’ topic…

  10. LOL. I’m sorry, but is that really the e-mail they send. OMG. A sales pitch! I thought it would be magical with confetti and glitter.

    You are, however, a member of a very elite group. The glad . . . sad . . . mad, peeps that were Freshly Pressed to death.

    Like your blog . . . pressed or not.

  11. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    You think other people deserve their fair share…(thats why people like you so much!) Despite your ‘ranting’ – you seem like a heck of a nice guy. You are just down right funny and people connect with that. I laugh out loud – every.single.time.I.read. The ‘some guy dead in the basement’ comment – still making me grin as I type this. Shocked and Appalled someone would call you a dirty word…probably just jealous! (damn bastards) I hope you get some cash, your wife a t-shirt and of course a beer mug – that was to die for funny, too. Long Live the FP Humor KIng! (just had to throw that in there)…

  12. I agree with whitelady…obviously your critics have dick envy.

  13. Haha, that’s awesome! And congratulations by the way!

  14. To the hell with a keychain! You should get a new car! In all seriousness though, I will have to agree with this post. It’s kind of frustrating going to the Freshly Pressed page and seeing the same ones featured day after day after day…they need something “Fresh” more often.

  15. You’re kind of more of a boob to me. Kidding, but I have been curious to see when you’d be demoted and I see it happened.

  16. Becoming Bitter Says:

    Hahaha! I needed to read something like this after another shitty day I had. Thanks! Some assholes don’t understand that when you f*cking put RANT as a tag that there will be some whining. Some people can’t even comment coherently. The haters can just all get together and jump of a cliff into a body of water with human eating blue whales. Peace.

  17. I think one word posts are necessary now with amount of traffic you’re getting. So here’s mine:


  18. John Erickson Says:

    So, you’re supposed to avoid the phrase “Auto-Topic” to drop off the tag cloud?
    Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic Auto-Topic
    😉 😀
    Have a good one!

  19. FABULOUS — you deserved it!

    From: one of your fans in your fanclub (I bet you didn’t know you had a fanclub, did you)! 🙂

  20. How could anyone think you’re a dick!? Lots of jealous types out there?!

  21. LisaaLinh Says:

    Lol, great letter 🙂

  22. The record’s stuck . . . the record’s stuck . . . the record’s stuck . . .

    Someday, we’ll get to say “CONGRATS for NO LONGER being FP!”

  23. I’ve wondered about that, too – how they determine when to swap those out. Some are up for a day, some for a week. I’d ask, but I’m afraid I’d get an answer (and I suspect I wouldn’t like it).

    I haven’t had a chance to congratulate you, though. I was going to as soon as the fervor died down, but apparently that’s never going to happen!

  24. lol.. love it! Well, maybe it will be regular again. We can see William Shattner can help them out with that….. And as a son of a sailor, let me say, that it seems that someone finally picked up their socks, and let go of their…….
    Cheers still mate,

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