Hitting The Road: Last Outbound Update

Okay, everyone, the updates on travel for the outbound portion of the driving will be complete now, as we climb back into the Amityville Horror Car with Cheese and roll down to Las Vegas today. This ought to be fairly straightforward since we’re only a few hours out. I plan on resuming something resembling normal posts tomorrow, and then will probably share the hilarity of the returning inbound trip with you, since that will have to be more surreal than the driving completed so far.

The main challenge will be management of the hangover from last night’s carrying-on and whatnot. Reunions with family are always a great excuse to get torn out of the frame, and Di and her sort-of sister had a great time. I mainly nodded and made listening sounds a lot, and then continued armwrestling Mr. Coors and Mr. Daniels, who were my guests. At least until someone introduced me to Ms. Whipped Cream Vodka, who was a very kinky bitch indeed.

Some more random notes:

Someone turned up the sun’s brightness level during the night. Holy shit. Not funny. And why is everyone yelling?

I will claim my first In-n-Out today for lunch. Be jealous.

Yours truly employed his genius gland and figured out how to make the air card work in the RantTop. Total win.

I had the best Shepherd’s Pie made by an American ever last night. It was totally awesome. I would have taken a picture of it and shit, but it didn’t hang out on my plate very long.

Peace out.


37 Responses to “Hitting The Road: Last Outbound Update”

  1. “Listening sounds…” hahaha! I’m teaching my husband that one!

  2. I’ve always secretly hoped In-n-Out Burger wasn’t some tricky name they came up with that has to do with…ummmm…what their product does to a digestive system.

  3. I might have to fly 3000 miles for one of these burgers.

  4. I hate it when people turn up the sun’s brightness, Worst.Prank.Ever.

  5. Sounds like the SUN is raining on your parade . . . and your hangover. 😎

  6. What makes an In-n-out burger so spectacular? Is is some special sauce? The burger itself? The bun have some magical ingredient to it? Hmmmm….most curious…

    • No idea. Fresh ingredients, some nice sauce, but the combination of a select few menu items done excellently is the key.

      • I agree, no idea…we’re up here in Washington, and the closest In-N-Out is just inside the CA border. My former co-worker taught his son to drive on I-5, a road trip to In-N-Out. Ate, stuffed a bunch of burgers in a cooler, and drove back same day!

        We have Dick’s here, but In-N-Out is so much better. Wow, that sounded dirty.

  7. Shepherd’s Pie rocks! Great post!

  8. Becoming Bitter Says:

    If I had a better day I would have laughed. Enjoy yourself. Hope your return trip goes smoothly and safely. I want to ask you something a little serious… you have a teenage daughter… how often do you worry for her safety? The world can be a disgusting place and it only takes a few people to demonstrate it. I’m thinking about posting certain stories about teenage victims. So I’m upset if you haven’t guessed that already. World swallow me up.

    • I do and I worry. The only monsters that are real go on two legs.

      • Becoming Bitter Says:

        Agreed. BrainRants I was really upset yesterday too. Had a “break down”, but I’m fine now. I’m feeling much better. I don’t want to post the stories on my blog because it’s a humor blog and the stories are just awful! I couldn’t read past the first few lines, but I want to raise awareness. You’ve been around WP right? Is there anyone that I can ask to host my thoughts and links to the stories on. If you want, you can host them and add your own thoughts as well. I really worry for my sister too. I’m praying for girls to always be safe. Again, I’ll mention take care of yourself.

  9. Great trip that you are doing, this evokes thoughts about my own trip to Las Vegas. Gosh, how fine this was… and how long ago… fifteen years I think! Drive well…

  10. So you went to Vegas, got an in-and-out, and woke up with a hangover. Why am I getting deja vu here? =D

  11. Now that you’ve been In and Out, I found a newly opened restaurant in Las Vegas that you may wish to look up and visit, even if only as a tourist. It’s called the Heart Attack Grille. It is decorated as a hospital (I know you, and especially Di, appreciate that look.) The waitresses are dressed as “nurses”. Just inside, there is a floor scale, if you weigh more than three hundred and fifty pounds, you eat for free. Among other things, they offer the Heart Attack Burger, FOUR HALF POUND patties, four slices of cheese, and bacon hanging off like Christmas tree tinsel. Their fries are cooked up in pure pork lard and they have a Triple Bypass Shake, with extra cholesterol. If one person eats the entire burger, they get a free ride back to their car, in a wheelchair. Those three items, as a combo, total 8000 calories, enough to take a “normal” person five days. They sell cigarettes, but only unfiltered. Their TV ad spokesman used to be 6′ 6″, and 550 pounds, looked healthy enough when I saw the video, but he died in May. I tell you to come home safe, and then suggest this place. Do it anyway.

  12. John Erickson Says:

    Archon’s post is true – I saw the story on NBC Nightly News. Frightening burgers!
    So, you got my little sunburst? Good. Let’s see – for the way home, maybe I’ll see if I can whip you up a snowstorm. 😉

  13. Whipped cream vodka fucked the hell out of a friend of mine and me one fine day at the pool this summer. Awesome shit.

  14. Niche market! For fluffy folk who otherwise might be reluctant or embarrassed, to chow down under the golden arches, or at one of the clones.

    Beer, and Jack, AND Vodka?! That’s not what mixed drinks means. No wonder you have a self-inflicted head wound. Ease up soldier! Pace yourself.

  15. hahaha, luvd it i was just thinking of Guiness. thanks man 🙂

  16. Glad you’re having a bit of fun. 😉

    If you ever get out my way you’ll have to swing by … we have an In and Out about 2 miles from the house AND I cook up a mean shepherd’s pie. 🙂

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