Hitting The Road
So what does the Rants Army need to know today? I have no idea, but today’s post will be more of a PSA to you all than an actual post, so excuse the rambling nature of this. I figured I’d warn you all that there may be intermittent service due to lack of connectivity but not lack of desire to maintain touch with the blogosphere.
As always, this kind of shit only happens in my universe. “This kind of shit” would be me returning from Texas after a five-day expedition to do what I do best – sit and talk – only to come home, do some manic laundry, repack my bag and climb in a car for a looooooong drive with Di. Now, many of you out there are probably thinking, “Oh, how joyous and romantic [insert image of sunny field with unicorns, butterflies, and bunnies with glitter].” Mainly I am thinking: “*sigh* [insert sound of pump-action shotgun racking].”
There will definitely be romance, at some point I am sure I will at least believe I saw a unicorn, but there will definitely not be any glitter because I hate that sparkly shit with the deepest, blackest parts of my soul. Those of you without teen daughters will not understand, and that’s okay, you lucky fucksticks. I mean that in the most affectionate-but-platonic way.
The purpose of this self-inflicted blunt trauma to the face? We were asked to come see some older relatives of Di’s who now live in the Las Vegas area for the purpose of them giving us some things. At least that is how Auntie V put it on the phone. These things would be of a ‘can’t-put-it-in-a-suitcase’ nature that we can only speculate about right now. Honestly Di and I were more concerned about their motivation to give shit away than we are with the value of the gift. It does not bode well, news-wise. Still and all, one does not refuse a request of this nature, particularly one made by an elderly Auntie from the old country. Plus, I had leave time built up that my command was nagging me about. Relentlessly.
So as-of this writing, it is in the vicinity of 0610 hours. After posting and knocking out even more ‘Burrito Rage’ replies (Dear WordPress: stop it. I’m bleeding) I’ll creak down to the basement to collect up my laundry and attempt some kind of logical suitcase stuffing. At some point Di will be up to supervise me, and we will lock and leave after dropping off Di’s Caddy for a brake job and picking up the rental car that for their own sakes I sincerely hope they get right. Di can be particular.
By this time tomorrow, I expect we will be getting up to resume travel somewhere in Utah. This will be positive because the Most Boring Stretch of Highway in the US will be well behind us, as well as the climb over the Rockies. We have done this before, and there is just nothing to say about I-70 in Kansas that is redeeming. Kansas is probably why people once believed the Earth was flat. The real suck is getting there and knowing you have to do it in reverse, I think. The upside to this, other than the obvious stuff both explicit and implicit, is that there are at least three In-N-Out locations in Vegas, and I plan on ramming at least one per day down my gullet. Fred (the pants-less frog) will also accompany us on our journey.
Wish us luck. Paraphrasing what they said in ancient Greece, I plan on coming back with my shield (not on it).