Hitting The Road: Update

Update from near Vail, CO. Di and I are sailing along and doing just fine. Thankfully, she got her old air card fired up and I’m sitting here on my Ranty ass at 70mph blogging. How awesome is that shit, I ask you.

The photo is from some random gas station in Limon, CO, run by Drew the former Airborne Ranger. We had a good Guy Talk. Di found this bear sitting in the place, apparently now with the third generation of owners (of the bear, not the Shell station). The sign on it said, “Hug Me.” Totally normal to see in a Shell, I know. So far, I’ve logged 5 Road Douchebags, four of them in the Topeka area. I have no idea if there’s a correllation.

Huggy Bear

Some thoughts:

Halogen headlights piss me off and they should be banned. Especially on lifted trucks where the headlights will begin to char the paint on your car. My retinas will probably recover by next week.

We have the Amityville Rental Car with Cheese. Stopping for gas, we noted about 200 flies clustered on the grille and headlights, which was pretty creepy. Then, after firing up the AC, a wonderfully pungent and cheesy odor belched forth from the vents. Awesome. Total win.

More later. Driving on with driving. On.


50 Responses to “Hitting The Road: Update”

  1. DiatribesAndOvations.com Says:

    I HATE those headlights! What’s the point?! I’m with you, my retinas burn! Travel safely!

  2. Becoming Bitter Says:

    Headlights, camera flashes, weird signs, and douche bags. I hate them all. Flies are extremely disgusting. The number of germs on fly’s body makes me want to throw up repeatedly. I never eat anything that’s been sitting outside. You never know who else or what else has taste tested the food first. Kudos for blogging during your trip. I don’t like going on road trips because my younger siblings either sing some annoying song or watch spongebob. Have fun!

  3. amen, I HATE halogen lights. did u signal today? continue…

  4. I am soo with you on the headlights. Some of the idiotic fog lights aren’t much better. Grrrr

    Eeeewww on the cheesey smell … can’t stand any smells in my AC ductwork.

    Stay safe!

  5. I see that there are now four Taco Tias. One more, slightly west of the first three. Sadly, with age, medical conditions and finances, I will never see them. You just won’t see them on this trip. I probably won’t get an In and Out burger either. May be able to console myself with one from Checkers next spring. Enjoy yourself and bring it all back safely Colonel.

  6. Halogen headlights piss me off and they should be banned – AGREED!!

  7. Ummm…pungent cheesy odor?? Niiiiice….enjoy your trip…and the flies. I think those headlights are crazy dangerous…

  8. Amen on the lights and even when you do flip that little thing on your rearview to make the burning stop, the damage is already done. I just move to being pissed of their dimmer image.

  9. We drive a compact car so we always feel like someone has their brights on!

  10. Whenever i get blinded by an suv with halogens i understand those road rage shootings a lot better.

  11. John Erickson Says:

    You know, a couple .22s mounted in the rear sides, muzzles pointing out the taillights, and rigged to fire electrically work great on halogen headlights, tailgaters, smart-ass semi drivers, and on curves, for just general terrorist purposes.
    Not that I’ve ever rigged anything like this. Wouldn’t even know where to begin.
    (Email me for detailed specs. 😀 )

    • What the hell good is a .22? I was thinking quad-mount .50’s or a gatling.

      • John Erickson Says:

        .22s, firing .22 Short ammo, makes little noise, easily covered by the road noise. The muzzle flash is practically invisible, the weapon is small and thus fits between the outer and inner panels, and there’s dozens of models to find just the right one for semi-auto fire with the trigger pushed by a solenoid connected to a momentary switch or push-button under the dash.
        Quad 50s are too big, a gatling eats too much ammo. But if you shop around for the car to update, get a nice 90s Caddy. Those ersatz “tail fins” can hold up to 3 rifles with 20-round mags in each fin. Done with a little artistic wiring, and even a cop looking around the trunk won’t find it.
        Now, if you want large-bore, I can set you up a design using 25mm or 40mm grenades, popped out of phony tailpipes, that will also pass inspection. But that’ll cost ya! 😉

      • I, being me, now want to know EXACTLY how he does this. Email me, Johnny boy!

        • John Erickson Says:

          I’ll do you better than that, Elite. Tell me what year, make, and model of car you drive, and I’ll layout a custom installation and wiring contract for you.

      • 2001 Chevy Cavalier. Red. Capiche?

        • John Erickson Says:

          Hey, great taste in cars! 2 or 4-door? If you give me about a week ( i need to dig out my Cavalier wiring diagram), I should be able to rig you up a quad .22 rig, two per side. That will still leave room for the oil spray, using the spare tire well as the fuel tank. I can substitute a paint-spray rig for the oil spray – nothing says “Back Off!” like spray-painting some tailgater’s windscreen bright pink!

      • Is John E. going to follow me around now? :/

      • Rhetorical question. Everyone (especially Savor) already knows of John E.’s creepy, giant man-crush on me.

        2 door, John. 2 door.

        I know the saying, I just sometimes forget that I know it. ;D

    • Im both impressed and scared, John. Its a cool concept, but nobody should own a batmobile except an angry costumed with loads of money who hangs around with teenage boys.

      • Who also happens to be a karate expert with billions of dollars worth of dangerous and lethal weaponry…

      • John Erickson Says:

        When you’ve designed enough cars with rocket launchers, gatling guns, and the occasional flamethrower, .22s are somewhat anti-climatic.
        I don’t suppose I could interest you in a pickup with the engine mounted behind the cab to make room under the hood for, say, a dozen rockets or a 30mm autocannon? 😀

        • I was gonna suggest the M242 25mm chain gun from the Bradley, but the 30mm covers that.

          • John Erickson Says:

            The Apache’s chain gun is nice, but I was thinking more like GOALKEEPER. Any CIWS that can spit A-10 rounds is fine by me. Or a nice 35mm chaingun, like I think is on some German vehicles.

  12. Halogens piss me off too!

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