Oh Hell

By my calculations, I’m now on my NINTH consecutive day of being Freshly Pressed. I am beginning to think somebody died in their mom’s basement and hasn’t been discovered yet, because Mom died five years ago, and the basement has a separate walk-down.ย  So, Mom is a mummy in a now-dry bathtub on the second floor and Junior (no offense H.E.) is beginning to bloat and leak into what used to be his keyboard, which shorts out but comes failingly close to starting a fire that will ultimately rescuse BrainRants from the ongoing deluge of comments on his FP selection. For the love of God, make this shit stop.


69 Responses to “Oh Hell”

  1. OMG!!! This is better than being crowned Miss America! You know, if for any reason Miss America cannot fulfill her duties the runner up must step in and assume her position. Maybe you should sleep with someone wicked or pose naked for Playgirl.

    And don’t sweat the Junior bit. After the phone call I got today HE’S gonna be the one stuffed in a crawlspace.

  2. Yeah, I was noticing that too. They also changed the tab from Tags to Topics, and that’s it. Before, Freshly Pressed was something to aspire to, but now I never want to read another fucking blog on Freshly Pressed ever again as long as I live, unless one of mine gets on there. Did you see the one with pictures of newspapers in bags and a rake? Made me lower my standards. I’ll show you minimalism. I’ll take pictures of a piece of paper and a fork, motherfuckers!

  3. To answer your question, I don’t know why I never put this rant in one of my blogs. I just… I don’t know.

  4. John Erickson Says:

    And you guys wonder why I haven’t started my own blog … yet.

    • Yeah, bud, we do wonder. You have SO much to say in comments, we figure we can lighten the load if you just MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG FOR CHRISSAKES.

      • John E. can’t make a blog. I’d never get anything done.

      • John Erickson Says:

        And I quote, DIRECTLY, from myself:
        “And you guys wonder why I havenโ€™t started my own blog โ€ฆ yet.”
        Note the last word CAREFULLY, then draw your own conclusions, ’cause (in a sing-song voice) “I’M NOT GONNA TELL YA!”

  5. Everyday this week when I signed on to WordPress and saw Burrito Rage on the FP page, I thought, Brainrants is not going to be happy about this! They might be doing it just to piss you off.

  6. freshly pressed… congratulations… I shall aspire. continue…

  7. The only thing freshly pressed of mine is a shirt…and that’s not even true.

  8. On the other hand, I think it was Freshly Pressed that brought me here. Now that I think about, maybe I should have a conversation with those WordPress characters too….

    Unless they all stopped doing the updates because of the rapture…

  9. AriRambles Says:

    Well, I landed up on this page because it was Freshly Pressed, and “THank God” it was… have “pulled up the chair” and stayed, and its been a wildly entertaining journey…. Keep tickling the bones, colonel!!

  10. They LIKE you . . . they REALLY like you! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. I’m not sure what’s the better record – your time on Freshly Pressed or the long-ass comment threads on your posts. Maybe WP loves the look of your handsome mug so much they just don’t want to boot you off the page.

  12. Actually, all the same posts have been on there for nine days. I’ve wondered what was up with that. I also thought you probably weren’t too happy about it!

  13. Becoming Bitter Says:

    No one is happy. The people who got on freshly pressed or the people dying to get on freshly pressed. It’s commendable that you reply to each of your readers’ comments. I have to say though there are a lot of people who are bitter about not being on freshly pressed. I personally don’t really care. I’m no professional writer. I think I’ve read at least 2 rants on this subject in the humor section (within the span of the past 5 days). Are you sure you’re really fed up? Maybe you’re just outwardly pretending and secretly on the inside you’re bursting with joy. Then again if you’re making a post saying you had enough. You probably have. People are always searching for good bloggers and you’re one of them (Geez what a long ass comment).

  14. Let’s pile on the notifications, folks! *cue devilish laugh of despair*

    *quickly check to makre sure he’s not Freshly Pressed* whew!

    *back to harassing Rants!*

  15. Iโ€™ve been doing this for years, and Iโ€™m not even sure what exactly FP is, or how you get that honor.
    I have a feeling Iโ€™m not missing a damned thing.
    I blog when I can and/or Iโ€™m inspired.
    I comment much more than I write.
    Good enough for me.
    Mediocrity and relative anonymity has itโ€™s rewards.

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