Karma

Is this not just true or what? You’d think that going on a simple trip, especially for me, would be fairly straightforward. However, at times the stars don’t align. I am on the road again, taking my normal Kansas-based Army shit and bringing it down here to Texas (Mark, I looked for you in DFW. Didn’t see a big guy in a woman’s cowboy hat).

Mind you, a lot of the suck today was probably my fault, at least the part up until I walked out the front door. I figured I’d already got all my clean stuff assembled to pack, but hadn’t, and it was strewn in several locations between the basement and my bag. I couldn’t remember what I’d already put in the luggage, so the morning turned into a “take it all out and look at it again” drill. At this point I’m afraid to look in the bag because the one key thing I need will probably not be there. I posted yesterday’s blog about FP-hood assuming the WordPress folks would name a new victim, and obviously (as-of 11:06PM CDT) that hasn’t happened, dammit.

Getting to the airport was interesting, given that I’d forgotten to fill up with gas, the Missouri river bridge was back down to one lane, one-way at a time, and I got to study the ass end of some very large, green farm equipment creeping down Highway 45 as homey wound that sucker out into the red at about 5mph. In that reflective period I had rammed, without lube,Β up my ass, I realized I’d left poor Fred at home, and he will probably not speak to me for a day or two.

I nearly left my ID at the ticket counter, then again at the TSA body-cavity station. Sitting in Kansas City, I found my phone on one power bar, though it had three when I left. Air travel is a bitch by definition, and the flights were thankfully brief so I didn’t have to fold into the Oompa Loompa seats for too long. Everything arrived when it was supposed to, thankfully. However, it only took me two and one-half hours to get from Austin to Killeen. That was sarcasm. Texas is big, but I’ve been here before.

As the title “Karma” clearly indicates, there’s a silver lining to this rant of woe, and here it is:

Dodge Challenger

VroomRants

More good news: I don’t think this is one of the ‘special’ models sold – after all, it’s just a rental. The cruise control in this Dodge ChallengerΒ works great and should keep me out of trouble. They love their death penalty down here.

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102 Responses to “Karma”

  1. Umm, so I would like to know how it is that you get fun cars for rentals? Is this just because you’re an army dude and so you get special treatment? Cuz I’m travelling with you the next time I want to go somewhere… but I’M driving! πŸ™‚

  2. I hate those days when nothing seems to right… but I like it when ya get a goodie mixed in there!

  3. Nice. A cool car makes up for everything imo.

  4. So the tough question … would you rather have had a good day then get a bland car or to have the day you did?

  5. Yeah, Frank Stallone’s bored out stock 307 would totally smoke your Mopar rental off the line. Just sayin’.

  6. They don’t do anything small in Texas…except for their worldview.

    • savorthefolly Says:

      If I may speak up in defense of Texans: actually a whole lot of cool people live in Texas and the deer, the trees, and the corn are all small in Texas. Sure we have more than our fair share of ignorant rednecks, but I’ve also noticed that a whole lot of non-Texans have a narrow minded view of Texas. Just sayin…

      • Ha! Duly chastised!

        You’d think after a lifetime of hearing the same kind of sweeping generalizations about New Jersey I’d be smarter. Alas, it’s not to be. πŸ™‚

      • The deer are small here now that you remind me.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        Its a great place to live. May I ask what beings you to Texas?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        Er, that was “brings” not “beings.”

      • Ok how the f did u catch that savor? I was like aliens… Huh?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        @itchemeyer – good question. no one would ever acuse me of being anal.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        Ft. Hood eh? Hmmm….never heard of it. Must be one of those little bity obscure Army bases.

        • On the contrary, it is THE largest federal installation in the U.S. Fort Irwin (been there too) is larger than Rhode Island, but most of that is San Bernardino County land, not federal.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        and the denizens of the surrounding area are known for having the largest arsenol of sarcastic jokes in the continental US. (translation: yeah no shit….y

      • savorthefolly Says:

        translation: yeah no shit….I’m within spitting distance of you right now *spits in the general direction of Ft. Hood*

        • Agree. It takes a full half hour to drive across just the main post at 40mph. To drive the paved road generally around the installation takes a good 2 hours. This was my first PCS as a young 2LT almost 19 years ago.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I spent a little time there the summer of probably 1990 as my then boyfriend was stationed there for the summer. The only thing I remember (besides having lots of glorious sex in his room) is that he showed me a Hummer (the car, not the technique) with a push button start and said he wished they would make them for the general public because they’re the best off road vehicle EVER. ‘course we all know that they eventually did make them available to the general public. wish I’d bought stock….

      • savorthefolly Says:

        just because….? as in you can’t articulate the reason?

        I would never buy one because I have no need for one. I suppose if I was wealthy enough to have a weekend place in the mountains, it might be nice to have a Hummer for while you’re out there (assuming again, the wealth). sadly, not wealthy….

        • I doubt I could reach the pedals.

        • Ok, you’re in a ‘poke the bear’ mood I see. I won’t buy a Hummer because: A) I spent too many hours of my life in torture riding in a boxy vehicle that was designed to accommodate the thigh length of your average little person. B) In spite of being 4WD with a 16″ clearance, they get stuck and high-centered remarkably easy… with a skilled operator. C) The alternators shear off regularly on a biweekly schedule. D) The A-Arms and half-shafts are under-designed. E) I don’t want to be reminded of a blowjob every time I look at my primary mode of transportation. F) They scream, “Hey everyone, I have a tiny penis, so I overcompensate with this monster vehicle,” and I don’t qualify for that category of handicap. G) If I want a capable vehicle I’ll get a Silverado.

          • John Erickson Says:

            We did a re-enactment at Fort McCoy in Wisconsin back in the early 90s, and we had a WW2-vintage jeep with us. The troops on post actually offered us a one-for-one trade for a brand new HMMWV! Don’t know if we could have gotten it off base, but the troops there HATED their Humvees. (Hummers are the re-badged Yukons and Blazers sold to jackasses.)
            Of course, considering the jeep driver was 5’8″, female, drop-dead gorgeous, and VERY well built may have had a BIT to do with their positive outlook on the Jeep……..

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I’m poking the bear?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I’m mean *whispering* I’m poking the bear?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I have no idea. I don’t generally call that poking the bear – I have other names for that. I wonder how long I’ve been poking the bear?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        well brainrants I for one am relieved to hear I can now make small dick jokes around you without fear of hurting your feelings.

        *shouting* HEY H.E., WE CAN MAKE SMALL DICK JOKES NOW. THE COAST IS CLEAR.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        zanesville?

        • John Erickson Says:

          Zanesville, Ohio, named after Zane Grey the Western novel writer. Some fruit loop had a wild animal collection down there, he decided to release all the beasties last night and then off himself. Yes, a lot of Ohio is rural, but we usually don’t have a lot of bears, tigers, lions, and other exotic wildlife running around.

          • More than ‘rural’ I’d say…

          • John Erickson Says:

            Rural is anything with less than one house per acre out here. We’re considered semi-urban, as my monstrously HUGE small town has a whole 3 dozen houses at best.
            Hicks in the sticks, my friend. Paved roads and concrete buildings are holy water and silver to rednecks. Makes ’em shrivel up and die. Me, if a city bus doesn’t fart on me every 15 minutes, I get unhappy.
            So guess how I feel about THIS burg…..

  7. Dude, be careful. Ha. Have fun.

  8. Did you hear about the smart(ass) southern lawyer, who got a charge of criminal buggery reduced to, following too close? I’m still following you. Please don’t stop abruptly, the difference between a brown-noser and a shithead is just depth perception.

    The biggest problem, vis-a-vis your rants and any response I might make, is hours of operation. You rise at 0:my God hundred, fry this stuff up in your 16 inch, cast iron skillet, and have it served by 7 AM, latest. Today was 05:19.

    Me, on the other hand… Between natural circadian rhythm and twenty years of rotating shifts, the last two steady till 1:30 AM minimum, and the occasional Friday night, it’s got to be cleaned up, till 2, or 3, or 4, now that I’m retired, I don’t head to bed till about 4. I won’t watch Oprah or soaps in the morning, but there’s always syndicated reruns on all night. You get an extra hour because you’re in central time, compared to my eastern, but, you’re getting up when I’m going down. My computer time usually comes at the end. By the time I post to “today’s”, you’ve already rolled out “tomorrow’s”. Keep them rolling though! I haven’t read a dull one yet.

  9. John Erickson Says:

    I’d rather skip the hassles – I’ve driven some real crap, including a K-car and an 87 Corolla that rolled like a rowboat in a gale.
    On the other hand, a long and involved argument at a rental counter put me in a 1991 Toyota Cressida – the sedan with the Supra engine (no turbos, but OHMIGOD!). Took the first on ramp, from a dead stop to the left lane at north of 85mph in about 8 seconds. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
    And you better make good with Fred! πŸ˜‰

    • The Mustang kinda did that shit. Fred and I are cool. H.E.’s Fred and I are cool too.

    • Hey, aren’t you suspiciously close to that guy with the animals in Ohio who let them loose and then offed himself?

      • savorthefolly Says:

        hey…that’s right! did anyone see blackjack on t.v.?

      • John Erickson Says:

        Not really, he’s a good 30-35 miles away at least. Just another Ohio nutjob, all part of the wonder and whimsy that has earned me the nickname of “No-Hio”.
        And for ALL of you asking, I’m also waiting on news of what my announcement will be. Once I know, well, then I’ll know. (And if you’re all VERY nice to me, I just might share! πŸ˜€ )

      • savorthefolly Says:

        it’s true, this news report came out just about the same time John E. had news. John if you don’t come clean with the news I’m going to start calling you John E. Dangle.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Still ain’t me, sorry. Though I do love wolves, I wouldn’t have just let them go free. The poor cops have to shoot the beasties, which I understand but REALLY hate. If it’d been me, I’d have brought them all home. ‘Course, then there’s the whole jealous Blackjack issue…..

      • John Erickson Says:

        For the public record, I have to clarify (and correct) the inference of some of my statements yesterday about the gent and his zoo. It looks like the guy was a seriously decent guy, trying to run an exotic animal rescue, not just some braindead redneck looking for bragging rights. It looks like things just got out of hand for him, and it was the depression of being in debt and losing the animals that made the guy wig out and shoot himself.

  10. Twenty bucks says John E. bought a Hummer.

  11. Whatever the ’68’s were. My Impala is a ’68 and I’m partial to the grill and nose end styling. At some point I’m going to have to put a page together on my blog of all my toys. I’ve finally got it whittled down to my ’68 Impala, my ’63 Lincoln Continental convertible and my ’38 Chrysler Imperial limo. The Imperial’s gonna need a LOT of work, though.

    • John Erickson Says:

      Oh, wow. We had a 1970 Brookwood, had the Chevelle “3-point” nose. 350 V-8 with a 2-barrel Rochester. I wanted to rod that thing SO badly, but my father sold it out from under me. I still get mad at him to this very day!

      • I’m pissed for you. That was a seriously sweet car. I’ve got a 350 with a double barrel Edelbrock in my barn that I’m dying to drop into my Impala. I’d probably wrap it around a tree the first time I hammered on it so I’m pacing myself with my stock 307.

    • Impressive collection, H.

    • savorthefolly Says:

      *stands with big fat L on her forehead* I drive a 2007 silver minivan. do I retain any coolness by the fact that I’m frequently flipping off other drivers? ’cause let’s all be honest, there are few things in this world cooler then a mom in a minivan motioning for you to fuck yourself.

      • Remember Savor, if it ain’t a ladder frame, it’s lame. Sorry.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I can only presume that since I don’t even know what you just said, that I’m lame.

        • I’ll tell you what. I’ll explain to you why you’re lame, if you tell me why someone who looks like Tinkerbelle and is built like a busty Asian girl has boneyard full of vehicles and antique motorcycles in her backyard. And leave Freud out of it. I don’t buy that whole “want a dick” thing. Mostly.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Now, HE, be nice. My Cavalier is humble old unibody, but with the 2.8 V-6 MFI, that thing FLIES! And with the suspension upgrades I’ve done, I can either outrun or outcorner the other guy. I’ve taken Mitsubishi 3000GT VR-4s into corners and hung on his door handles! My only problem is the 3-speed slushbox, but I’ve got my eye on a nice 4-speed w/OD in a nearby boneyard. That’d shave about 3/10 off the 0-60, AND up my mileage a couple MPG. Win/win! πŸ˜€
        I gotta crash, I can’t see straight – literally. Catch y’all tomorrow!

        • If I don’t catch you tomorrow I’ll leave you with this parting thought.
          Unibodies SUCK. All the suspension upgrades in the world won’t smoke a 3000GT in a turn unless you’ve got someone behind the wheel who knows what he’s doing. That makes you a whole lotta awesome.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        I don’t know, did you spend a lot of time as a kid with someone who knew something about cars? Was it fun? Was it nice? Did it make you feel nurtured? Are you trying to recreate and bring that experience into your adulthood? Sure it could be some kind of compensation, but it doesn’t have to a sexual one exactly. it could just be that you learned to be able to fit and be included as a kid that you needed to learn this stuff, and now it’s taken on a special love now? It could be that you get a chance to talk to guys about guy things in a way that most women can’t participate, and that feels cool and fun to you, like being a member of an exclusive club. I don’t know – do any of these things feel like they may be on the right track? Maybe a little of all those things?

        • Nope. The exact opposite of all that. But I won’t clog poor Rants comments with details.

          What’s even sadder is I barely knew a thing Rants said about politics the other day, but I understood every word of what John E. just said.

          I better head out too. I’ve got to be to work in about 5 hours. Too much fun staying up late!

          • I’m no psychologist or psychiatrist, but for what it’s worth H, I barely followed JE’s carspeak.

          • John Erickson Says:

            It’s all jargon, dude. I can talk camshafts and fuel injection and unibodies with HE, ’cause I know about that. Just like I can talk HEAT and APFSDSDU and canister with you. I’m sure Savor could befuddle us all with medical terminology.
            It’s all just techno-babble! πŸ˜‰

          • Yeah Rants, I suppose I could explain to you what JE means, but that would rob you of the joy of research! Just like how I now know that a HEAT (High Energy Anti-Tank) shell uses chemical energy as opposed to kinetic to penetrate armor, and that an APFSDSDU (Armour-Piercing Fin-Stabilized Discarding Sabot, with Depleted Uranium) basically works like adding fins to a football when throwing a spiral that burns whatever it hits. You know, in case you didn’t know that.

            Your stuff is way scarier than, mine. I’ll give you that.

          • *both eyebrows up* I’m fucking impressed you know what APFSDS-DU is. That’s hot.

          • That’s how us smart girls roll…

          • Yeah, and I can military-acronym your brain into jelly.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        alrighty you two. goodnight. πŸ™‚

      • No. A minivan is the ultimate sign of surrender.

      • Savor the folly Says:

        I think cars mean something very different to you all then they do to me. Cars just don’t show up on my radar. For me it is a practical decision, nothing more.

      • savorthefolly Says:

        Okay, I guess it is time I came out of the closet. Yes everyone, I’m gay. My name is Savor and I drive a minivan. *hangs head in shame*

        • We still respect and admire you. You have value as a human. JE can probably recommend some great 12-steps. *hug*

          • John Erickson Says:

            Hey, no problem Savor, a lot of people don’t have the car bug. Mine came from my dad, who learned to do a lot of the stuff because of his VERY poor upbringing – can’t afford a mechanic, so you do it yourself. I got the bug really badly when I was researching what car to buy in 1987, reading all sorts of car magazines and brochures and stuff.
            Guess it’s my lifelong love of tech – also from my dad, a teletype repairman and telephone lineman, later a data communications teacher for Illinois Bell.
            The acorn doesn’t fall far from my family tree, does it? πŸ˜‰

  12. Yeah Savor, don’t sweat the gayness. I’ll hook you up with a nice Subaru Outback.

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