Another Milestone

I seem to recall several weeks – perhaps months – back, when I had passed either a 100 posts or 1000 site hits (not sure which one and not a lot of time because I have a List for the day to accomplish), I said something to the effect of, “When I pass 10,000 hits I’ll have a party, and you’re all invited.”

Thanks to being Freshly Pressed, I exceeded the 10k goal about three weeks early. At this writing, the site stands at 11,505 hits. Nonetheless, I’d hate to disappoint my Rant Army and be thought of as someone not good on their word. Therefore [using his Army Guy voice with raised, defiant fist]:

Tonight, my friends, my countrymen, my loyal readers, we celebrate!

We celebrate the defeat of stupidity, the agony of being pwned. We raise our glasses to the mocking of the ridiculous, and drink to all things funny. We shall imbibe until our ears seep our beverages, and we shall hurl innocent insults about one another’s football teams. We will utter veiled innuendo and brag unabashedly of our victories no matter how small.

We will drive our enemies before us and enjoy the lamentations of their women. We will pee in the shrubs, we will miss the toilet in the bathroom. Most of all, freinds, we will drink, celebrate, and laugh until we vomit.

Tonight, my friends, we celebrate, for tomorrow we ride back to into battle!

(catches breath)

Come on over. The beer’s in the ‘fridge.

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61 Responses to “Another Milestone”

  1. Congratulations

  2. John Erickson Says:

    Tell ya what. I’ll take a raincheck today, but if you ever get over Ohio way, shoot me a note and I’ll find somewhere we can get you drunk for about, oh, say 96 hours straight. Deal?

    • 96 hours? Srsly? Hmm… Fucking so tempted…

      • John Erickson Says:

        How about I make it a nice, even 120 hours? 5 days you’ll never get back – heck, with luck, 5 days you’ll never REMEMBER!
        And non-alcoholic drinks will be made available – as long as it’s a variation of tea. πŸ˜‰

  3. Congrads.
    I’ll have coffee. My drinking career ended years ago.
    Keep this up as long as it’s still fun.

  4. That was completely awesome. However, I noticed you failed to mention your good bloggy friend Sparklebumps…. πŸ˜‰
    Rant on, Dude!

  5. Do you have red wine? Before I bother to put my glad rags on I wanna check….

  6. Hoorah, hooray and a thousand times huzzah!

    If I buy a really nice bottle of Champers to celebrate… and send you the receipt, will you reimburse me the expenses? Thanks.

  7. Hooray! I was looking for a party tonight. Can we play drinking games? For every blog you find with a humor tag that isn’t humorous you get to take a drink.

  8. savorthefolly Says:

    *chugging drink* *belches prettily*

  9. savorthefolly Says:

    *peeing on the shrubs* *too drunk to squat and balence at the same time – misses and gets underwear and shoes wet*

  10. savorthefolly Says:

    hello hello? anyone there?

    helllllloooooooooooooo

    *echoes*

    hellleeeeeeeeeewwww

    *echoes*

  11. Yeah, you did. It was great.

  12. The Elite of Just Alright Says:

    *groggily staggers into the house* *shirt half-ripped, pants on backwards, lipstick smeared on face* “anyone seen John E? Ranter and I lost him at the Mexican bordello but we thought the junkies from California brought him back. No? Fuck…

    Congrats, Ranter! Good show! Good show indeed (all said in a John Cleese accent of course.)

    • Right, and that would be ‘British’ accent, unless you have a kilt like mine.

    • By the way, CL, what’s her name? She must be awesome…

      • The Elite of Just Alright Says:

        You talking to me? Who is “she?” =D

        She is very awesome. But it’s not out of the friend zone yet, so we’ll see.

      • The Elite of Just Alright Says:

        Any tips for a newbie?

        • Seriously? Ok, well, assuming she’s your age, she has absolutely no idea what makes her happy, though if you ask her she’ll rattle off a list that will make your head explode, and probably list ‘puppies’ and ‘glitter.’ Ignore this. Better yet, don’t ask.

          In fact, try acting a bit like a dick to her – not over the top, just a wee bit – and see if that gets a ‘chase you harder’ reaction.

          Remember: if she doesn’t wanna be more than friends, just stop now and save the energy. Another bad strategy: “I’ve been thinking we should fuck.”

          If you start going down ‘the road’ you want keep these in mind:

          *you cannot pull out in time *if you’re doing it right, she’ll beg YOU for sex *let her bring up sex first *birth control – just do it

          I could probably go on…

      • savorthefolly Says:

        really? I had a totally different reaction. Elite, you’re a smart, funny, interesting guy – when I was your age I would have totally wanted to date a guy like you. I say to just be yourself and if she’s not into you then clearly she has bad taste. I could say a whole lot more (which I might if I can find the time) but please do follow brainrants advice regarding birthcontrol – especially those young girls – they’re really really fertile.

      • The Elite of Just Alright Says:

        I think ya’ll need to hold your horses just a tad. Let’s not get carried away here, capiche?

        But mucho gracious for the advice, Rants? πŸ˜‰

      • The Elite of Just Alright Says:

        You’re full of somethin’, alright. (What? you expected me to pass up on a shining, golden opportunity such as that one?)

  13. Good going !! πŸ˜€ I’ll collect on the beer later πŸ˜›

  14. Nice. i think im starting to be allergic to vodka though and im getting worried, you have any other drink suggestions? Which post was fp’d btw?

  15. Woah, you’re hard core. Seriously, congrats on reaching the milestone.

  16. Shit! I can’t believe I missed another party! *sigh* Congrats!

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