My Freak-Ass Tee Shirt Collection

This post was inspired while writing another one about the odd things I actually say out loud (will be done cooking soon, be patient). The connection here is a tee shirt my guys in Afghanistan made for me when I left as a sort of going away / thank you / please hurry gift. They had it made and it is a collection of some of the funny stuff I said from time to time. Ergo the link to my hilarious tee shirt collection. I am not really a novelty tee shirt type of guy, but every now and then I see one that I absolutely have to have.

The gift shirt is a perfect first entry, but it requires lengthy description. On the front, in six-inch letters: “WTF.”  Quick story: Di and I both wore our matching shirts on a vacation one day. A little kid asked what ‘wtf’ meant, and without missing a beat, Di said cooly, “Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.” That’s my girl. On the back:

    1. I am the ringmaster and nobody is in the fucking tent.
    2. I am about to say ‘Fuck you,’ and take my ball and go home.
    3. You sound like you’re from London.
    4. See, what happened was…
    5. Life is like a shit sandwich; the more bread you have the less shit you eat at once.

“Unicorns – the other white meat” I somehow wound up with this after a particularly drunken lively social event in Korea.

“Fuck you, you fucking fuck” I saw this in a head shop novelty and poster store and of course had to have it. Not only is it intrinsically awesome, it uses the word ‘fuck’ in three English grammar functions.

“I’ll stop wearing black when they come up with something darker” Acquired during my period characterized by gothic tendencies. Still awesome. It is, of course, a black tee shirt.

“I fling poo” This text accompanied by a giant cartoon rendering of a monkey face. Not only funny but a fairly accurate characterization as well.

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about whether or not I’ve worn these in public. And which one I’m wearing right now.


30 Responses to “My Freak-Ass Tee Shirt Collection”

  1. savorthefolly Says:

    oh my aching head, I think I have a blog hangover and the only cure is to drink more blog.

    I think you and H.E. should put together a line of state t-shirts. I’m STILL laughing about ‘massive-two-shits.”

  2. T-Shirts are a wonderful way of expressing our anti-social tendencies to the world. 😆

  3. why am I here in a handbasket? Says:

    I have shirts like this.
    “I had a nightmare I was blonde.” Blondes get all bitter when I wear this one.
    “I’ve had it up to here (straight line across navel area) with midgets.”
    yes. You’ve worn each and every one in public.
    my guess is you’re wearing the fuckity fuck one. It’s the one I would wear on a sunday.

  4. John Erickson Says:

    I like the multiple “fuck” one. One of my favourites is a cartoon of Mr. Spock with a dog (also with pointed ears) and the title “Vulcan Retriever: Live Long and Slobber”.
    I used to have several with witty sayings, but I horizontally outgrew them and they got pitched in one of the emergency moves. All I’ve got left is con shirts, classic warbird shirts, and a few wildlife ones.
    There is one we have to order new copies of. It’s a picture of ‘Nam GIs carrying a litter with a corpsman holding an IV bottle, with the words above “All Gave Some….” and the words below “Some Gave All.” THAT is my all time favourite. (Gee, I wonder why….)

    • I find I like that tee shirt theme as well because it is true.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Yes, it’s true, Vulcan Retrievers are very slobbery dogs!
        Hmm? What’s that?
        Oh – the OTHER shirt…. 😉

      • No, John, seriously: “All gave some, and some gave all.” Words all of us need to keep in mind. Wear it proudly.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Naw, I knew which one you meant. It’s special to me, because we were raised with GREAT reverence for the Nam vets, and borderline hatred for the protesters. Which was odd, even though my folks were big-time conservatives, ’cause my dad HATED his service in Korea (Navy in WW2 – he went into Great Lakes 6 days before Hiroshima). He did his utmost to steer me away from the military, yet he made it DANG clear that the soldiers were to be respected. I remember many an Armed Forces Day and Veteran’s Day parade spent cheering the soldiers at my dad’s side. I know the crusty old SOB won’t say so, but I once caught him BEAMING when my unit marched in a parade in our suburb of WoodDale Illinois. Of all the stupid, silly hobbies I had, he loved seeing me in uniform! 🙂

  5. Social expression through t-Shirts – our gift to future generations.

  6. Printed close to the bottom: “Hey, lady, I’m up here.”
    “I’m not fat – I’m just pregnant with cheesecake’s baby.”
    Free Tibet! (with purchase of Tibet of equal or greater value)

  7. You know, Ranter, pics would have been even more appreciated. fucking dumbass…;D

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