Connected: Now In Reality Show Format

One of the hidden joys of military deployment for us is the frustration of me not being home to help deal with whatever random issue crops up. After I posted earlier on idiots who are constantly connected, a random neuron triggered and I remembered an email exchange between Di and me while I was in lovely Afghanistan. Context of the exchange was that our Daughter Unit the Second was acting increasingly unmanageable on top of the routine sense of entitlement and divahood. We occasionally call her PrincAss, and since she’s gotten the short end of the stick coverage-wise with this blog, this is a great catch-up.

This is the key portion of the email, with the response to me put back in logical (vice email-ese) order. Important data that could be used to blackmail me, drain my bank accounts, or hack the Department of Defense were also removed. Names have also been changed to protect the innocent, even Daughter Unit the Second’s who is not innocent in this incident.

From:Di To: BrainRants Cc: Subject: FW: TEXTS 
From: Rants, Brain LTC USA USA [brainrants@AFGHAN.ARMY.MIL]
Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 8:56 PM
To: Home email
Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE


Holy crap. Ok, if you assume Daughter Unit the Second spends only 15 seconds reading and replying,

 97000 texts x 15 seconds/text = 1,455,000 seconds, or

 1,455,000 / 60 sec/min = 24,250 minutes, or

 24,250 / 60min/hour = 404 hours or

 404/24 hr/day = 16.82 days

Babe, she is spending ONE HALF of every month doing nothing but texting. This is out of control I think. How does she get anything else done every month? If she only sleeps 8 hours a night (and we know it’s more usually), that’s an additional 10 days (8×30/24=10) per month unconscious, for a total of 26.82 days spent doing nothing. A month only has 30 days, so that means she’s essentially doing 4 days of work every month outside of sleeping and texting. When does she eat or crap?

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

What’s the point to all this? Well, you see why I have issue enough with the subject to rant about it. The only saving grace here is the fact that the cell plan carrier provided an unlimited text plan, and being step-ahead parents we had snapped up that gem early. Clearly the numbers don’t lie, and equally clearly Young Miss was multitasking while eating, watching TV, homework, school, driving, and nuclear reactor core assembly.

I’d recommend to the audience out there that a good solution for this kind of thing is percussive maintenance on the phone. I’d say cancel the cell coverage, but cell providers have this amazing system worked out to keep you enslaved to them contractually. In the end it turns out to be something like prison sex without lube, at least for your wallet.


35 Responses to “Connected: Now In Reality Show Format”

  1. (0.o) I’m baffled . Baffled I say. 97X1000 . (0.o) …. here I was thinking I spent time on the phone :-/

  2. Texting is a bizarre addiction, indeed.

    Loved this post.

  3. When my 11 year old nephew first got his cell phone he sent/received 1,300 texts in the first 24 hours. What would we do without opposable thumbs?

    • Mine keep my eyebrows from growing together, but I take your point.

      • wow, 11 with a cell phone. I got my first cell phone when I could pay for it myself. I got my first car at 25 when I could pay for it myself.

        We are raising a completely entitled generation. No wonder productivity is dwindling… they’re multitasking while learning their ABC’s in kindergarten and like Rants said, love the sarcasm… assembling nuclear reactor cores.

        I didn’t like walking a block for water to take a bath in at 11, but stuff like this makes me happy I had to do it. smh.

        Great post!

  4. Oh my. Do you think she can break 100K next month?

  5. I thought I was being slick when I opted not to get the “universal text package” since I have boys (my 11 year-old daughter doesn’t have a phone yet). My thinking was that boys didn’t text.

    Yeah. Eight hundred dollars worth of overage charges later…

  6. John Erickson Says:

    Oh, all the wonderful little moments I’ve missed not having kids.
    Have you considered hooking Daughter Unit Two’s thumbs up to a generator? Maybe make back some of your cellphone bill in free electricity? 😀

  7. So THAT’S what FUBAR means. I’ve heard it said but never realized it stood for anything. I like SNAFU too. All good stuff.

  8. i know u know how i feel about it. continue…

  9. I thought texting was just for teens, but just this week I read a blog post by a young woman saying that instead of a birthday card her grandma sent her a text!

  10. Pretty awesome!

  11. Yikes. No wonder I’m that less productive at work. Don’t show my bosses!

  12. Fortunately, I don’t have kids doing that, but I have a marine husband that has really racked up a lot of texts due to the chain of command passing word. It hurts to look at the totals sometimes. thank god for unlimited plans.

  13. cine tube…

    […]Connected: Now In Reality Show Format « BrainRants[…]…

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