Random Thought #17

So there I was, on my knees with my head in my oven. I had trouble breathing, and my nose was burning. As the tears streamed down my cheeks, I thought: “I just want this to be over and done with.”

Then I realized that “Easy Off” ought to be named “Easier Than UsingΒ A Q-Tip Off,” and that steel wool would probably work much better at getting that black substance that is somewhere in density between depleted uranium and neutron star core material off the oven enamel. I was right. Oven complete.

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93 Responses to “Random Thought #17”

  1. You know how I get around cleaning the oven? I don’t cook.

    Silly boy.

  2. Ugh. I have been there. Damn that man that makes me clean up my messes!

    • Well this one was a mess of my own making, so I was rightfully correcting myself. Though Di did start the project, I killed the nasty baked on stuff.

  3. Cheap Heavy Duty Oven Cleaner works… but you need a gas mask for that stuff.

  4. Housework is NOT for sissies. πŸ˜€

    • A fact I’ve learned the hard way these past two months. Props to my wife, SuperDi, and hopefully never live in a 4-story house again. Ever.

  5. John Erickson Says:

    What, no wire wheel on a battery-powered drill? That should clean EVERYTHING off.
    Or you could always blast…..

  6. @The Outcast –

    No, no, kid. I’m stalking YOU.

    • John Erickson Says:

      Hey! Don’t I deserve being stalked? Why is it always the cool kids who get stalked? I never get to have any fun! 😦 (Stomps off in huff.)
      πŸ˜‰

      • Savor the folly Says:

        John E’s just being modest. I’ve been stalking him for years….

      • um…!? What have I walked into?! wtf??!

      • Yeah I know John is eccentric and he has definitly pissed me off from time to time but I was more surprised by YOUR dickishness.

        As for bananas….are ya’ll trying to figure out if I’m a man or woman? Neither…I’m a lactating hermaphrodite.

      • Not you, H.E. Ellis. Keep the stalkers straight!

      • Savor the folly Says:

        Apparently I misunderstood. Except for the part about your dickishness.

      • Savor the folly Says:

        That’s funny. I have a PhD in psychology which means I’m QUALIFIED to diagnose you with Dickishness Personality Disorder. Said dicks rarely are personally distressed by this condition so they rarely seek help. It is ego-syntonic.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Hey guys, be nice, Savor’s a friend from other parts of the blog world.
        Savor, don’t let these guys get to ya. Brainrants is a crusty old Army grunt, and Outcast, well, the jury’s still out on him. They’re plenty rough around the edges, but their good guys at heart. We just play a little rougher here than over in Idiotland.

      • Savor the folly Says:

        Hi John, If that’s the case then I’m sure he can handle the likes of me just fine. Brainrants, I used to work at the VA so I have the upmost respect for veterans. Thank you for your service.

      • Who the hell is this Outcast? ;D Also, if you think I have a heart of gold, you don’t know me. My heart is100% silver. Vampires can’t stand to be around me.

      • Also, hello there, Savor. Are you a woman, dude, or mutant pig like John Erickson here? πŸ˜€

      • John Erickson Says:

        I keep tellin’ ya, Outcast, if I’m like ANY Earth creature, I’m closest to my buddy Blackjack the Goat.
        Of course, that assumes I’m willing to claim this planet as my birth place, which I never have been…..

      • Savor the folly Says:

        Brainrant, there….there….. Every man from time to time has concerns about his penile quality but just remember that it’s all part of the normal aging process, nothing to be devestated about.

        As for my gender (so this time we ARE talking about my gender), as I already said, I’m a lactating hermaphrodite. Just kidding, I saw that once in the “alternative” section of the personal adds and thought it was hilarious. I’m a girl.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Well, of COURSE you are, Savor. You ARE part of the Idiot’s Harem, just like me!
        Um… wait .. that didn’t come out quite right. What I meant was….
        Aw heck, this is too much work.
        Though on the slightly more serious side, it does trouble me that I’ve upset you occasionally. I know I can be obnoxious (SHUT UP, YOU TWO!), but I try not to offend… too much. πŸ˜‰

      • John Erickson Says:

        I have no problem communicating with the ladies, it’s you uptight sexist male bastards I have problems with….. πŸ˜‰

      • So ya’ll are going to call me a “lady?” How dignified.

        John….where do I start? How about you just mosy on down to my office and we’ll start from there?

      • John Erickson Says:

        I’d love to, Savor, but I have no idea where your office is! Then again, since I can’t drive, it’s kinda pointless WHERE your office is. How about a teleconference?
        Is there something OTHER than a lady that you would like to be called? After all, Marquesa is a bit clumsy, Mademoiselle is just too long, and “Hey you” just doesn’t cut it. Would “Your Supreme Highness” fly?

      • well John, perhaps it’s time you started your own blog. I’d be happy to come and eviscerate you there.

        brainrants, it’s been fun sparing with you. I’m not online and don’t blog much these days, but feel free to stop by and dish it out anytime.

      • John Erickson Says:

        (Sigh.) You too? Boy, EVERYBODY is trying to push me into this blog thing! Like I’ve said elsewhere, maybe if you’re all good little boys and girls, Santa will come early this year. πŸ˜‰

      • John Erickson Says:

        Can it be a pony that just lets you ride it, or does it HAVE to be fucking? πŸ˜€

      • I want a unicorn. But not a fucking unicorn. That’d be painful.

      • John Erickson Says:

        But don’t all unicorns fuck? After all, they’re all HORNY!!!! πŸ˜€

      • @ Ranter. πŸ˜€

        @ John: *facepalm* How did I know you’d say that?

      • And hopefully the last. Say, wy don’t we lure Erickson to the shack with promises of Playboy bunnies and bacon (not necessarily in that order) and then off him. We then bury him under the shed with the former owner of the bl…ah, never mind.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Bacon? Definitely. Bunnies? Meh – too many are too skinny or too dumb (or both). Now, bacon and an hour in the co-pilot’s seat of a B-17 or B-24, you’ve got a deal! πŸ˜€

      • So I’ve been thinking about this exchange and just can’t stop myself, I gotta add a few more thoughts (brainrants pardon me for using your blog to say this): it’s not true that I don’t have the time or energy to fix guys like John E. That is exactly what I do for a living, provided they are my client, which he is not. John, for Christmas one thing you can do for me is try out psychotherapy. You may find some of what you are looking for out here in blog world but in other ways there is no substitute for a relationship with a real person who sits in the same room with you. I don’t know your story but one thing I do know is that if you know someone’s story then everything about them makes sense. I suspect you are well aware that you piss off and upset people but just like you were trying to say yesterday about brainrants, I think you want all of us to know that you’re a good guy underneath. I believe that, I believe you are a good guy underneath. I know I’m out of line for saying these things but it’s painful for me to meet guys like you, to know how to help, but not be in a position to do anything about it. I may or may not be around much in blog world so I just wanted to get that off my chest.

        Again brainrants, sorry for imposing…I’ve been enjoying your blog and when I’m in blogworld I’ll be sure to stop by and see how ya’ll are doing. Kind regards, Savor

      • John Erickson Says:

        Seriously, Savor, I don’t mean to piss people off. I play rough here with these guys because they invite it, and seem to thrive on it. I might not be the funniest guy in the world, but at least at The Idiot’s site, I’ve never meant to insult ANYONE, and most times my only “shots” at people are directed at myself.
        I won’t claim that a little therapy wouldn’t help, but I just don’t see myself as so hopelessly flawed as you seem to. I am at least glad you see I’m a good person at heart, I just don’t see where I’ve done such horrible things that “my goodness” should be in doubt. If I’ve said something unconsciously callous to you, I certainly apologise, it is NEVER my intent to cause insult or injury with my sometimes feeble attempts at humour.
        Since I can barely afford my medicines for physical health, the mental work is gonna have to wait, probably for quite a while. So I guess we’ll have to agree that I am a good guy, that I don’t have the greatest sense of humour in the world, and that maybe I occasionally slip once in a while. Beyond that, if you want to talk further, I think you have my Email, or you can get it from Mark, and we can take this offline where I can hopefully correct your misinterpretations of my character.

      • Whiskey. Tango. Fox-trot.

      • If I may jump in Savor, John only banters with us because we do it back. He’s not insane.

      • Hi John, I don’t see you as having such a bad character, that is not what I meant and I’m sorry if it came off that way. Unfortunately the demands of my non-virtual life mean that I really don’t have the time or energy to talk further about it. But do let me know if you start a blog and I’ll stop by there from time to time to see how you’re doing. Kind regards, Savor

      • now ya’ll are making me laugh. πŸ™‚

        clearly I need to be drinking more whiskey while online.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Well, I’m glad somebody finds a rather unprovoked assault on my character, by a stranger who knows nothing about me, to be funny. I always try to leave ’em laughing, no matter how shitty I feel!

      • no good deed goes unpunished….

      • John Erickson Says:

        Oh, H.E., I got plenty balls, thanks anyway. I just get a little pissy when people leap to wild unfounded conclusions without knowing me or my situation. I especially get wound when I defend somebody and they turn on me. I’m sure that’s one of the MANY problems Savor could find with me.
        Savor, thanks for the offer of help, but if you want to try to diagnose me long-distance, at least have the decency to learn about me before you jump to conclusions.
        Okay, enough of my time wasted on fruitless comment. Next topic!

      • John Erickson Says:

        Well, thanks H.E. And that’s a topic I’ll drink to! πŸ˜€

    • You’re fucked, dude. Been nice knowing you.

    • I don’t see evidence of that. No subscription to my blog, no views, no comments. You know a man (woman? gorilla?) by his/her/its fruit. And I don’t see no damn banana!

  7. Holy shit I just wrote an entire blog post in my head reading these comments. I’m going to leave a little brain bomb on all of you boys:

    Imagine I’m a man.

    hehehehehe…

  8. I’m buying a new oven on Friday

  9. “(Sigh.) You too? Boy, EVERYBODY is trying to push me into this blog thing! Like I’ve said elsewhere, maybe if you’re all good little boys and girls, Santa will come early this year. ;)”

    And everyone but Mrs. Claus will be happy. I think my Adderall is wearing off…

  10. @John Erickson:

    In my experience I’ve found a good bl*w j*b does as much for clearing a man’s mind as any amount of therapy, so there’s always that. And on that note I’ll leave you all with the same advice I give my eleven year-old daughter everyday:

    If you want to play with boys, you need to have balls.

  11. @ John Erickson:

    The balls comment wasn’t meant for you, it was meant to defend you. For what it’s worth I think you’re funny as hell. But hey, what do I know? I’ve got girl parts.

    So I think the next topic should be…Troubled men and the women who want to bl*w them.

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