Versatile? Relative To What??
Apparently I am steadily developing a healthy cult following here. I think that’s kinda like growing a beneficial tumor in case you’re wondering. Key point is, it’s relative. Being nominated for “Versatile Blogger” I honestly have no idea whether or not is actually a good thing or not since I’ve only been at this rantaliciousness for a few months now. A blogger far more talented than I likened it to a blog chain letter, and to be honest the comparison is pretty valid, sort of like ‘Social Security’ is to ‘money plan’ as ‘Ponzi Scheme’ is to… ‘money plan.’ Hmm.
Like all chain letters, this nomination comes with rules, which if not followed probably means some thick gentlemen in Wayfarers and ear mic’s will come and advise me to get busy following the rules. Or maybe they’ll just bend my dog tags and make me go back to my commissioning source for a re-do. Problem is, Rule #3 below. As such, should I nominate my blogfriends, I’ll basically be creating an infinite do-loop.
As for versatility, I’m not convinced. My schtick is snarky ranting about whatever stupid, random shit is rattling around inside my head at the moment. I don’t do “deep,” “meaningful,” or stuff like poetry or actual (gasp!) samples of fiction. Why bother when there are so many other artistes out there who have got all four corners of that nailed down?
1. Thank and link the person who nominated you. That would be the owner of the dark gray blog H.E. Ellis who left her lights on and is parked in a tow-away zone. She runs an awesome site, by the way, and is a great example of a rigorously-correct writer, for those of you with grammar, usage and construction problems. Thank you! By the way, you nominated me, but who’s on the final committee and when and how do they notify me I’ve won? Are there cash awards or just bacon?
2. Share seven random facts about yourself. As the saying goes, ‘shake that moneymaker,’ though not sure how that applies directly. Probably best to never mind that. Ok here’s my seven things; I may exceed this standard to make up for #3:
- I am actually surprisingly good at anything involving restoring or making things out of wood.
- I was a candidate for prom queen my Senior Year of high school. Caused a huge fuss, but I made my point and a truly nice non-Barbieditz won.
- I took Russian in college and recall about two words of it today.
- I once earned $20 after doing a striptease on a bar in Germany on a dare. The ladies ‘tipping’ were unaware I was dared.
- I am the first person in my family to go to college. Jury out on my son, but at least he walks upright.
- I have lived (occupied space one year or more) outside the U.S. in three countries, one of which we’re occupying. I’ve been through twelve others, one of which did not exist when I was there.
- I can, among other sounds, replicate the sound shaking a can of spray paint makes with my mouth. F-ing amazing, I know.
- I met the guitarist from Disturbed on a flight this year, and he is pretty cool.
- I have broken my nose five times, but none of those breaks were the result of a fist.
- I once got seven black widow bites at once.
- I can remember being born. I blame Mom.
Okay, I’ve used “I” more than Obama does in his campaign speeches. Time to move on.
3. Pass this award onto 15 new blogging friends. Okay, so this is where it breaks down. I basically haven’t yet found 15 total sites that I’d consider nominating. Of the ones I have, over half have already been winners, so … what would be the point? One of them would probably be pretty pissed at me, I’m sure, and another doesn’t even have a blog… which makes him a kind of groupie. Now, I suppose I could just bang away with the mouse through Freshly Pressed or the tag cloud and randomly nominate folks, but I figure that would come back to bite my ass since I’d likely pick 15 mouth breathers who have not done anything post-wise since 2009. Caught on the horns of this dilemma, I will instead punt: please scroll down and visit my blogroll sites – they’re all fabulous. I’d also recommend wading through some of my posts with a lot of comments and catch the others who regularly comment – there are some hidden gems I’ve been a lazy POS about adding to my ‘roll.
4. Contact and congratulate the awarded bloggers. Taken care of above since all mentioned can read and perform inductive reasoning, with the notable exception of John Erickson: Thank you.