More Stuff That Makes Me Wonder

Every now and then when I’m tied up on a conference call or some silly crap, I’ll cull internet news to keep myself from stabbing my eye with a pen to stay awake.  I recently found this concept of “virtual cemeteries” on one such expedition.  Just in case you have some extra time, interest, morbid curiosity, or all the above, the links are: I-tomb and I-memorial.  They have slick splash pages and are apparently connected.

Off the top here, I have to ask if I’m the only person here mildly disturbed by this idea.  This is jacked up on so many levels I’m losing count. I haven’t figured out how the monthly fee continues being paid after you kick it, and I probably don’t want to know.  I assume, similar to our national debt, this is a turd you can lay on your kids’ lawn in your will.  “Thanks, dad, for liquidating your house to keep paying for a site I can visit to remind me that you are in fact dead and apparently still being a dickhead.”  My kids would love me for that. I could get one last good eye-roll and overly-dramatic “what-ever.”

You can also apparently leave Very Important Documents and other Important Messages for safekeeping until after you die, to be released to specified people after your very long dirt-nap begins.  Seriously?  So that would be almost like a will, except with no legal standing in court?  Oh, and just as secure as our credit card and account information has been in the hands of banks, right?  Yeah. I have to admit that I’m comforted by the notion of people being able to pass along terabytes of pirated games and porn to their kids and other relatives.  That’s what Al Gore invented the internet for, right?  Then again, if I amp up my blog production to two per day but only publish one for the next forty years or so, then I figure I’ve got forty posthumous years of BrainRanting after I die.  Hmm…

As if this isn’t enough, these sites can apparently send notes to loved ones (their term) as a reminder of the dearly rotting. On one hand, that’s just f-ing creepy. Nothing quite like getting emails from the dead to keep me wallowing in the grief and loss. On the other hand, I guess I could set up automated taunts and insults to some of the Internet Trolls I hate most.  That, my friends, would be awesome. “Hey, AB, I’m dead now, but you’re still wrong and still a retarded Troll, you irritating f***.”

I thought the drive through funeral home idea was bad for encouraging laziness (“Can I get fries with that?”), but this does truly tops it.  Now we can not only spend our grandkids into financial slavery we can also encourage them to be lazy blobs after we’re all dead too.  Somehow this imaginary phone IM texting conversation popped into my head:

  • BROTHER:OMG like dad died n ima sad” 😦
  • SISTER:Srsly?” 😦
  • BROTHER:Yea n theres a website n stuff” 🙂
  • SISTER:Cool LOL so we can just visit that cuz IDK what i’d b wearin to a funeral LOL an u can’t wear Hollister LOL
  • BROTHER:LOL werd so do we unfriend him on fb now?”
  • SISTER:idk

Give us a reply and shout out what you think about this stuff.  I’m spent.

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62 Responses to “More Stuff That Makes Me Wonder”

  1. Haha! Loved the IM chat! 😛

  2. Dayum! That is messed up.

  3. What? You find the concept of virtual cemeteries, complete with ongoing emails from the dead, weird??

  4. WOW. I’m not sure if that’s cool, or creepy. Maybe there’s a one-time fee and you don’t have to pay for upkeep on the site after you kick the bucket. Creating your own memorial, complete with pictures and videos, prior to your death should definitely appeal to those who are narcissistic… or emo. I can see this being a real hit with high school kids. Official motto – “Every day’s a funeral!”

  5. Just to let you know, I’ve nominated your blog for THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD! Come check out my post and see what you think.
    http://heellisgoa.com/2011/09/21/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  6. You have a wicked sense of humor. The twits tweeting at the end topped off the post to a T.

  7. John Erickson Says:

    I gotta admit, some of that really rocks! Think of the ability to harass the kids after you’re gone. Especially if you can set a time delay. Imagine your son, lounging back in the La-Z-Boy, watching the 72″ TV he bought with the inheritance, and suddenly, your video pops onto the tube. “Hey, slacker, I may still be dead, but YOU still suck, and I’m in Heaven partying with Raquel Welch!” (Um… Farrah Fawcett? Pam Anderson? Who the heck IS sexy today?!?)
    And the eternal bill could be cool, too. Now there’s THREE things you can’t avoid – death, taxes, and fees for the i-Tomb service! 😀

    • Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba.

      • John Erickson Says:

        No way! Jessica Biel! Catch her bikini scene in “Stealth” – not a bad movie, if you can forgive some mediocre acting.
        Alba’s cute, but c’mon. I’ve got bigger boobs!
        (Oh dear, there’s that nasty TMI line again.)

    • Oh I’m all for Raquel Welch. But she’s not dead yet. Admittedly, her and I in the afterlife is the ONLY possible scenario in which she and I would get… nevermind.

      • John Erickson Says:

        I just figured she’s a little further along in life than I am. Then again, given my myriad ailments, next week Tuesday might be iffy for me! 😀

    • Pics or they don’t exist, John. >)

      Also…Biel vs. Alba.

      I rest my case…:D

      • John Erickson Says:

        Sorry, Outcast, I’m a bit thick. Pics of what or they don’t exist?
        Ya gotta understand something – I root for underdogs. When Alba is favoured, I go for Biel. When Everybody thought Ginger was hot, I always rooted for MaryAnn. Everybody loves Sally Knyvette on Blakes 7, I worship Jan Chappell. It’s personal taste, you can never be wrong! 😉
        And if you get the Blakes 7 reference, you get bonus points for great taste! 😀

      • Pics of your bigger than Jessica Alba’s boobs, what else? ;D

      • John Erickson Says:

        Oh dude, I can’t do that! They’ll have me in front of the Hague for crimes against humanity! Not to mention invoking spontaneous mega-hurls in anyone who might catch that glimpse! Think of the children, man! 😀
        (Technically, I’ve lost a cup size or two as I’ve shed over 30 pounds over the last 4 years. Less of a bad thing is DEFINITELY good!)

      • The mere mention/thought just killed half the people in my state. Thanks, John, you boob butcher!

  8. MESSAGE FROM DAD:

    Hello, kids. I am dead. I have been for ten years today. Just so you know, your mom is a serial killer, I was born in the West Indies to pygmies, and your wife, Billy, is really your sister. Have fun!

    END MESSAGE

    • High level of awesome there. Excellent.

    • John Erickson Says:

      Maybe it’s my background in toying up cars, but somehow, your sister becoming your brother doesn’t seem as bad to me as your brother becoming your sister. Or maybe it’s just the thought of the “unkindest cut of all”.

      • Thanks, both of you old scoundrels. Do you know about your brother becoming your sister from experience, John? Hmmm?

      • John Erickson Says:

        Nope. My sister had a different operation. When she was about 19, she had surgery to change her from a woman to a hemorrhoid. A few years later she had another operation, a combination lobotomy and rectal expansion. (In other words, she became a big stupid A-hole.)
        Sorry, I’ve been suffering from a real mother of a migraine. Makes me a bit nasty. I’ll be MUCH nicer to you guys, namely ’cause I like y’all! 😀

      • Well, we hate your smelly guts, so go away! haha I kid, I kid.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Now how did YOU know I was having fart attacks? Oh … you mean in general … I get it. Just be grateful they haven’t added “odor” to the Internet. 😉

      • And Clinton ran out of interns so he was forced to pay attention to Gore being a douche…

  9. Cool! I’m saving up all forwarded emails that contacts send me so I can send them all back from my account after I kick it.

    No. I’m setting up a webcam in my grave so everyone can watch me deteriorate! Maybe I’ll hook it up to pandora and play creepy music. Omg, I’m so excited I can’t wait to be dead.

  10. “On the other hand, I guess I could set up automated taunts and insults to some of the Internet Trolls I hate most. That, my friends, would be awesome. “Hey, AB, I’m dead now, but you’re still wrong and still a retarded Troll, you irritating f***.”

    Dude … this just cracked me up! I love it. 🙂

  11. what the? (!_!) makes me….. wonder!

  12. How did I miss this post? If I die soon I’m going to have a friend of mine send an email to my son about a month after I’m dead that says, “Hey Junior. I’m here with Jesus and he wants me to tell you to stop touching yourself.”

    That ought to make up for all the parent/teacher meetings he put me through.

  13. I have to agree with The Outcast. I was with you up until Seinfeld. Ouch.

    • *wince* Ouch indeed!

    • John Erickson Says:

      Well, H.E. Ellis, I’ll forgive you, being a lady. For the you punk guys in the crowd, think about what happens in your trunks when you go swimming in cold water. (And I don’t mean taking a leak or blowing bubbles! KIDS!) SHRINKAGE. Get it? Or do I have to draw you a picture? (You DON’T want to see that, trust me!)

      • My eyesight isn’t what it used to be, so make sure it’s a BIG picture. I’m sure you’ll have to draw it much bigger than in real life…if you get my drift hehe.

        Punk and proud of it, bozo!

      • John Erickson Says:

        Hey, I resemble that remark – I grew up with Bozo on WGN, Chicago’s Own Channel 9! Him, Ray Rayner in the mornings, Garfield Goose in the afternoons ….. ah, such nostalgia.
        Oh, and by the way, it’s “old fart”. Neither my feet nor my hair are big enough to qualify as “bozo”.

      • Your shoes and hats beg to differ.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Hey, the shoes are normal size (9.5). The head (no hair left), well, now that’s another story.
        When I joined the British re-enacting group, the day they outfitted us a couple of the “old hands” were messing around with a helmet that was HUGE. They stuck it on their heads and spun it freely (the “tin hat” style that Brits wore in both world wars and our guys wore until 1941). I asked them to give it to me, because it would fit, and they laughed, right up until the “sergeant major” plopped it on my head and it fit like a glove! 😀

      • John Erickson Says:

        Um… what? (Nothing plays, I just get the first frame for 3 1/2 minutes….)

      • You really are an old bozo geezer. There is no video, it’s a song set to a still frame! The song is called YOU SUCK. It’s a wrestlers’ theme song. haha!

      • John Erickson Says:

        Well, first off my sound card doesn’t work (I’m trying to figure out why not), and second, I gave up on wrestling back in the Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage era. And while I’ll still argue the epithet of “bozo”, you got the “old geezer” part right on target!

      • We agree on something at last, ya old fart.

  14. Amazing, and like you, I think it is creepy! Bleh.

  15. mkultra76 Says:

    That is just hilarious and creepy enough to work…”Dear Kids… Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I can’t still tell you what to do. Now, go, clean your room.” 🙂

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