Former Random Thought, Now “Enhanced” To Full Rant
Is it just me or do some people out there spend an inordinate amount of time trying to peddle “male enhancement” products? Good Lord. If I were the Galactic Commander for a day I’m not sure what I’d do first: put Congress in jail, banish reality TV, get to the bottom of Area 51, or forever ban male-enhancement drug spam on the internet. Internet sex-drug peddlers: I don’t care how badly you want to make a living, stop spamming me about cut-rate Cialis or Canadian Viagra (which I will assume is like Canadian Bacon: not really bacon, and by extension not really Viagra, so just stick to beer and being awesome at being just north of us, eh?).
If we put as much effort into making affordable and fuel-efficient cars as we do giving 80-year-olds reliable boners, I could drive a Rolls priced at $1.95 that gets 500 mpg. Or at least a $500 Prius that would actually be cool to drive. Maybe a Volt that ran on recycled hearing aid batteries. I don’t know, but leave me the f— alone. Trust me, if I needed your shit, I’d go make one of the wacky Army doctors issue me some.
My biggest problem is the amount of time I spend deleting your rediculous spams, and the ongoing set of rolling email addresses I have to maintain to keep ahead of your greedy boner fest. The sly substitutions of zero for ‘O’ and other hackerspeak tricks to evade filters are just… I have no words to describe the asshattery. At least try for reasonable English. I surround my true email identity with a shell of blasted, stuffed, and abused puppet free accounts just to keep 90% of you at bay. Yet you persist. Go away before I cut off things you may need or want later in life after your other parts drop. I’m sure well over 80% of these probably origninate from some teenager’s room in India who built a wicked autospam ‘bot. Probably the same botard who keeps poking my Akismet here.
As for the ‘legitimate’ television ads… ok, am I the only guy out here who has no idea what the symbolism of two bathtubs really means? If this is alluding to two folks getting their frisky on, why two tubs? Did I miss something in sex ed? Was I / Am I that big a nerd? I’m fairly certain it works better with one tub. I will admit Smilin’ Bob is actually funny, or was. I think that one ended. To be honest I don’t remember a Viagra ad, so obviously they weren’t that memorable. But I have to ask the Internet another question: am I the only person in my current age bracket just a little more than disturbed by the mental picture of an 90-year-old man with an erection? Please pass the Brain Bleach and then get busy fixing world hunger and liberal stupidity.
Finally, and this will sound a bit pandering and “CMA”, but I like sleeping in my bed: Am I also the only one who’s noticed that nobody’s rushing out to make the womens’ equivalent of these medications? How fair is that? What kind of Napoleon Penis Complex is keeping that stuff off the market? Hmm? Just sayin’. There’s probably a good zinger in here about someone getting the short end of the stick, but the hateorade is messing with my funny gland.
I am irritated by the whole notion of these drugs. I imagine life, as usual, will slyly make me eat my own words someday, but f-it, it will make an excellent blog post or two when that happens.