Stuff That Makes Me Wonder

Some shit just makes me wonder, like why there’s a guy with a British accent on the Weather Channel doing the weather for the Midwest U.S.  Or why chicken tastes like chicken along with every other mysterious meat but chicken is not mysterious.  Or whether or not the dirt you sometimes find on soap is dirty.  Sometimes I wonder about Canada.

I spend a minute or two daily doing maintenance on my blog.  I’d probably spend more but Mrs. BrainRants normally has stuff for me to do that involves being tall, having a strong back and a weak mind.  So lately I have noticed a huge up-tick in my spam comments.  What gives?  I do appreciate the Akismet tool here.  It’s very effective and so far has caught every single spam comment.

I suppose I could just ignore the spam folder and let it boil along by itself.  Unfortunately, I’m just not built that way.  I’m the type of person who generally manages his email closely, sorting it into organized folders and religiously marking stuff as ‘read’ before deleting.  Yeah, one of those types, and I’m sure that I could expand that thought into a full-up five-part blog entry.

That said, I fully understand email spam.  I “get it.”  The analogy is pretty clear: you get bullshit junk mail in your snail-mail box, and so we do in our virtual ones.  But on a blog?  With comments?  I’m obviously in the wrong line of work if there are people out there getting paid to mass-spam bloggers.  I guess there’s no clear analogy for my brain to wrap itself around.

So far, there are a lot of people where they don’t speak English who want me to so something, but for the life of me I have no idea what since the spam comment isn’t in English.  Then there are the folks who want to sell me RSS tools (WTF?).  And the wing nuts with tee shirts (I have plenty), research site access (I have a Masters’, so I’m done researching shit), OTC drugs (I need the illegal kind, not the legal type), and an assload of other wacky shit of which I have limited if not illegal requirements for.  And then there’s the Baldheaded Cop or something, whose personal site is a link to a movie database.  What gives?

Somebody clue me in here because I’m not smart enough to figure this shit out.

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27 Responses to “Stuff That Makes Me Wonder”

  1. John Erickson Says:

    Not sure about the bald guy linking to movies, but for the drugs and T-shirts and stuff, it’s basically a computer with nothing better to do, dumping stuff on you assuming YOU have nothing better to do. (The key point being that computers NEVER have something better to do, or they’d tell us to go piss off and scan the net for internal diagrams of the latest Cray supercomputer – or whatever a PC would deem porn.)
    And things that “taste like chicken” DON’T. The more someone insists something tastes like chicken, the less it tastes like chicken and the more it tastes like A chicken run over by a dung-hauling truck and dragged through 40 miles of rural Ohio roadway (which is liberally fertilised by Amish horses pulling buggies). After that chicken got hit with a load of rotten eggs. Following a four day bath in a septic tank. (I could go on, but I gotta eat soon.)
    And dirt can’t be dirty, because dirty means having dirt on it. Dirt is dirt, and water is water, and I have no idea what the heck I’m saying.
    I love Canada. I re-enacted as a soldier from a Canadian unit. I was adopted by that unit. I have traveled extensively through Canada. And I have never, ever ONCE wondered about Canada. I KNOW about Canada.
    And (in sing-song voice) I’m not gonna tell ya! 😛 😉

    • Uhm, and you were saying something about having nothing better to do?

    • John Erickson Says:

      I keep telling you guys, I have to ride herd on you, that’s my job. If people like you and Frank were ever let loose on the world, who knows what would transpire? I stand as a bulwark, a lone guardian protecting the innocent from the rampages of rogue bloggers!
      (Sure, I lack the skill to set priorities, but get a load of the ego on ME! 😀 )
      p.s. There’s a secret prize for you in this response. Let’s see if you can find it! 😉

      • I f***ing hate story problems. Ok my guesses as to the prize:
        1. You are a bot, and quite well crafted. Probably created by Idiot as his personal counterpoint.
        2. You work for DOJ and are about to prosecute my fat ass.
        3. You are on the WordPress board who decides the Freshly Pressed features.
        4. You invented Akismet and/or ARE Akismet (nice name choice)(which is sort of the same as #1).

        How did I score?

      • John Erickson Says:

        And you’re telling ME that I don’t have enough to do?!?
        Actually, the prize was VERY simple – I stated that I was a “bulwark”, waiting for you to respond with something like “yeah, you sure work the bull!” or something like that.
        Dang. They must be slipping on the bots if they’re making as little sense as I do.
        Trust me, the black helicopters will be after my butt LONG before they come after you. (Do YOU have acquaintances in the Romanian Ministry of Defence? ‘Nuff said.)
        WordPress doesn’t like me. It has a REAL hard-on against my Email addresses. Otherwise, I’d throw at LEAST 5 of your recent posts up to Freshly Pressed! (Not that I pay attention to FP – at all!)
        And who, or what, is Akismet?

  2. I use spam to promote my novel. Not so much on the blog site but in my personal email I send stuff back all the time like, “Hello Mr. Abukuhi-Beiruke, I am afraid I cannot send you money at this time, but you might want to purchase my book. You see, I am a widow living in a community where a woman’s only legal source of income is to author a novel. Sadly, I cannot receive monies unless kind hearted people like yourselves purchase my book…” I also make up flyers and stuff them into the junk mail return envelopes that say “No postage necessary” like for credit cards. Whoever opens it may not want to buy my book right away, but the next time they’re in the store that picture will look familiar. Yeah, I’m a cheap bastard.

  3. I’ve got some funky SPAM on WP . . . but it all gets caught in the filter so I can easily flush it down the drain.

    {{W~H~O~O~S~H}}

    Aah . . . that’s better.

  4. Ok, John Erickson and Brainrants dude, you totally need to publish a book just on your blog conversations alone. I’ve wasted half an hour going back and forth reading these.

  5. Me neither, but I can tell you that you and I could start a club for emailmarkasreadfolder makers.

    I mine my spam for funny posts. That way, they’re doing the work.

  6. I do that quite regularly. Great fun!

  7. You sound like a blogger after my own heart! Great work.

  8. I organize all my stuff too and like you all the stuff in my spam comments folder HAS to be deleted. Not sure what’s more annoying. The spam or my obsession with eradication.

    I too wonder about Canada.

    • Canada is awesome at being just north of us. Gotta admit that. And yeah, I’m 5-A OCD about email too. I scare myself. Sometimes I make myself wet my pants.

  9. […] freak-ass spam and search terms, so why not me?  I wrote about blog spam earlier in general (click here), and I still don’t understand it but figure it’s still occasionally funny. Based on a […]

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