No Clue, Need Help

In a very brief drive after dinner last night, I was assaulted by several things that made me really wonder in quick succession.  I don’t get these things, and I suppose I’m self-identifying as an Old Fart already.  I don’t “get” this stuff:

Baggy Pants:  I’ve yet to hear a good explanation about why young men find it cool to wear one’s pants dangling precariously by one’s dangling part.  The closest reason I get is that it represents some kind of visual statement that the person in question is a ‘thug.’  Ok.  Not sure that makes much sense, because if I were a thug and wanted to act like one, I’d also want to ensure I could outrun a donut-eating cop as required so I could continue my thuggery.  I don’t see how baggy pants facilitates this.

Trout Lips:  I’m not talking collagen or ass-fat relocation – that’s simple vanity.  What confuses me is the need for kids to poof out their lips in a duck pout, notably for photos.  Is this saying, “I want collagen in my face but I’m only 15, work at Wendy’s and cant afford it,” or something else more sinister?

Tween Pop Stars:  I blame the music industry for preying on poor kids with thin talent for the sake of money.  I understand the motivation for profit, but could you have the songwriter for the poor kid use more words when composing?  Hearing “baby,” repeated as both the song body and the refrain gets old in less than ten seconds.  I also tire of hearing a young girl who sounds like she’s huffing helium describe a life centered around clubbing, texting, and binge-drinking recovery.  Do people do this, and how is that sustainable?

Obvious & Extreme Body Modifications:  I’m not opposed to tattoos; I have one.  What I don’t get are huge plugs in ears, lips, and noses.  I also don’t get the posts, spikes, rings, spare auto parts and other stuff kids like to insert in their facial skin that makes them look like they’ve been bobbing for apples in a tackle box.  On the tattooing issue, I thought the idea was to come up with something original that fit the individual. That said, tramp stamps and the ubiquitous tribal skin art that really screams, “The tribe rejected me and I’m compensating,” are still beyond me.

Anyone with some solid insight here who can help me out, please…


27 Responses to “No Clue, Need Help”

  1. First off, hilarious post. The neighbors will be pissed again. 😉 Also, I wanted to thank you, as you did before, for putting me on your blog roll. In a twist of deja vu, I realized you had without even noticing it before. Ever consider a blog swap for a day? Might be an idea worth thinking about…or not. Ha!

  2. Catherine Meyers Says:


    My name is Catherine, I was reading “Brain Rants” and I like your writing style, nice sense of humor and you have some really interesting articles. Also I’m impressed by your blog’s nice and clean presentation. You have a fun world here.

    That is why I would love to add your blog in the blog directory that I admin. It’s a high web traffic, Page Rank 5 blog directory named Blogdire,, it’s visit count grows exponentially every day and has high quality gained by listing great blogs like yours, because it does not have advertisement nor pop-ups.

    Having your blog listed in my directory, will definitely improve its page rank in search engines, (like Google), and you will have many visits to leave nice comments and feedback, and of course, more people to enjoy your blog and share your interests.

    In exchange of becoming part of the directory, all I ask is a simple link to my other site, I can assure you, the operation is extremely simple and there is no money involved.

    Let me know if you are interested and what you think.

    Kind regards,


    • Cathy, thanks. I’ll look into it, and if it’s as free as you claim I might consider it. However, I’ll warn you that if I spend too much time on here daily Mrs. BrainRants gets mighty pissed off, so maybe extra site hits would be not-so-good. Do I win prizes like free bacon? Or trips to exotic places like Duluth or Topeka?

  3. I agree with EVERY single one of those. I could do full rants on each one of those points and I probably eventually will. As for answers, I can’t help you there because I have no. freaking. idea! I hate that duck face smile. I call it facebook face…I tell every girl that I know that does that, that she looks stupid. Anyway, GOD! I’m angry now! People who wear baggy pants make me want to chase them so I can watch them fall down. And extreme body modification looks plain retarded. You will never be anything more than a tattoo artist or circus freak. Anyway…good post!

  4. HAHA! The only thing I can come up with is that those people with all the piercings is that maybe they are bullet-proofing their faces…..

  5. John Erickson Says:

    I’m with you on all of these, most of all the body mods. My favourite is being in an auto parts store, and having the kid with all the studs come in, looking for ignition parts. I can’t help but wonder how long it’ll take him to complete the circuit from the spark plug coils. Think taser on steroids. 😯
    And I have actually seen police chases where the idiots are tripped up by their dropping baggy pants. Kinda like the idiots who, wanting to do a high-speed run from the cops, choose your rental Nissan or a minivan. C’mon, guys, at LEAST go for the turbo-4 if you can’t grab a Vette or Mustang!

    • Hemi ‘Cuda, ’69 Mustang… sigh… I could go on.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Okay, here’s your antidote. 1970 Chevy Brookwood, 1973 Vega, 1978 Pinto, 1977 Chevelle, 1986 Topaz, 1989 Metro…..
        and I have either owned or rented all of the above! (Except for the 77 Chevelle – that was my sister’s POS, and it rusted through in 3 years, faster than the Vega. Go fig…)

  6. Hahaha! Great list.

    What about Elf Ears? What’s your stance on them?

    • My thought on Trout Lips . . . they want to have their photo taken because of extreme narcissism . . . and they know that they are young and beautiful . . . but they want to pretend NOT to care how they look in photos . . . so they pout like a trout.

    • WTF? Elf ears? Have not seen them. I was tempted to touch on “planking” and the orgy of silicone wrist bracelets promoting some cause (though I like the boobs ones LOL). I try not to ramble though.

      • John Erickson Says:

        Elf ears – getting you ears surgically chopped to look like Mr. Spock. For all those World Of Warcraft addicts….

  7. I have no insight. I’m apparently an old fart too. The only major body modification I would go for is advanced robot parts.

  8. I know EXACTLY why kids wear their pants baggy, but I’m betting they don’t know why. I’m writing a post on it as we speak and I am going to link your blog to mine. Seriously funny stuff on your blog.

  9. […] around their backsides. But I’m willing to bet they don’t. While I was perusing the BRAINRANTS blog I stumbled across a post entitled, “No Clue, Need Help.” One of the questions […]

  10. “. . . makes them look like they’ve been bobbing for apples in a tackle box.”

    This is the funniest description I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh first thing this morning!

Join the Ranting!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: