Road Rant

I managed to successfully make it to Georgia.  As I mentioned yesterday, I somehow managed to pick a flight in a red zone of questionability.  In reality the whole thing came off just fine, at least until I got into my rental car.

This carlet is a Nissan Casket or Hotwheel, or something like that.  I believe I currently have more aluminium in my smashed beer can bag waiting for recycling than there is in the engine block.  I knew just looking at this thing it would never be a ‘buy’ candidate.  Ever.  With the seat moved back into the human range (as opposed to Oompa Loompa), I’d risk having perpetual friction burns on my thighs from using the steering wheel.

On top of that, it was just one of those days, driving-wise.  You know what I mean.  All traffic lights time out against you.  The route, which you’ve been on before, looks different and you feel lost the entire way.  The directions you carefully Googled are good but somehow you manage to sail on by each key turn, and quickly move from feeling lost to being lost.

The high point of the day was an excellent German meal at a local place here in Columbus.  Wow.  I somehow managed to wedge a jaegerschnitzel bigger than my head into my gut with an accompaniment of red cabbage and spaetzle.  Tomorrow, I will enjoy ruining someone’s porcelain.  But now, even a few hours past, I’m still having trouble breathing because my lungs are being bitched by my stomach.

Snap back to reality.  I’m trying to take the measure of this hotel.  Sometimes you get a hotel that’s as new as it looks, and sometimes you get a hotel.  This place I suppose is not half bad, but it has this pervasive hint of stench somewhere between toe jam and mildew.  I’d love to put a moratorium on travel south of the Ohio and west of the Mississippi Rivers because there’s a clear correlation between hotels with issues and that region.  The most bizarre thing about is is the TV remote.  The thing is billed as a “Clean Remote,” specially-designed for thorough disinfecting.

I don’t know what to think about that.  I appreciate the effort but to be honest there are other hotel room items I’d prefer get special attention than the remote.  I don’t normally gnaw on or lick it while I flip channels on the lookity-box. I do however sleep on the bed, sit on the chair, and use the water-related bathroom stuff.  I can’t help think sometimes we’re just a wee bit over-obsessed with germs.  Shouldn’t we keep the old immune system on alert with small challenges so it’s awake and ready for the zombie apocalypse?

Call me crazy.


16 Responses to “Road Rant”

  1. The fact that the remote could be marketed as a ‘Clean Remote’ now makes me feel retroactively nauseous for every hotel remote I’ve ever handled.

  2. Still more reasons why I’m happy to stay at home . . . with my own remote. 😀

    Glad you enjoyed your meal.

  3. jennygoth Says:

    hi CRAZY lol well you did say didnt you? sisters of mercy at your mercy lol hope you like xxjen

  4. jennygoth Says:

    ive stayed in hotels here you feel uncomfortable because they are too fussy id much rather have a slightly shabby but clean homely one where the owners are generous and pleasant not stuffy and think your asking for the earth for a toilet roll extra xxjen

  5. John Erickson Says:

    It must be a Georgia thing. I stayed in an Altanta hotel about a year before the Atlanta Olympics, and they were actually renovating half of it. My half, the old part, smelled very similar to your description. Maybe it’s God’s curse on Atlanta for naming every dang street “Peachtree”. (“Yah, ya head out on Peachtree Road going east, then turn left on Peachtree St. until you hit Peachtree Blvd., then bear left on Peachtree North until you turn right onto Peachtree Way”. JESUS CHRIST, don’t you people have any frickin’ imagination?!?
    My dad joined me on a trip to San Fran back in the mid-80s. We wanted to hit that really curvy street you see all the time, so we headed out in a little Nissan with less than 1 horsepower. We were trying to climb the hill that leads to that street, my dad’s foot is on the floor, the engine is screaming, and we’re slowing down. And down. We approached the hill pushing 50, and were barely doing 15 at the top, with a long line of traffic trapped behind us.
    And that’s why my Cavalier HAD to have a V-6! 😀

  6. ‘”Carlet”…funny. And that “clean remote”…eewww.

  7. TheIdiotSpeaketh Says:

    You hit the description of the hotels in that area of the country on the head! It’s like playing russian roulette isn’t it? When we are on our summer baseball road trips, and get over into that area of the country, the kid always remarks about how the hotels look nothing like what the picture on Orbitz showed…. And damn…now I am starving for German food! I miss that stuff!

    • Yes, russian roulette with mildew. Yukkity. I’d think there would be a ‘good’ german place near your closest AF base or Army post, though I know you are damn close to neolithic rural… then again, that’s an Army installation pre-requisite.

  8. Nissan casket or hotwheel. Hahaha!
    I lick all remotes just I’m case they’re flavored.

Join the Ranting!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: