Beer

Awesome

Beer is awesome.  Totally.  Freakin’.  Awesome.  In my universe, it is a food group.  I am not going to say that it is as amazing as bacon, but I’d say it’s pretty damn close.  Perhaps a close second, tied with one or two other things that are not food.  Never mind.

In Germany, people (well, Americans) joke about beer being ‘A loaf of bread in a bottle.’  Having lived there for three and one-half years, I can only agree violently.  While a lot of you out there will think I’m on crack for this, I’ll admit that not only did I not like German beer, but I selected Standard American Piss – i.e., Coors or Bud – over whatever else was offered up.  Yeah, you too.  Obviously I’m no Beer Snob.

Anyway, not only is it a great water substitute in areas where the water is questionable, it also has the ability, if managed correctly, to make you a genius, ten feet tall, interesting, handsome and/or beautiful, bulletproof, and funny as hell.  Many of you likely already know this.  The positive medical side effects are ignored as well, such as the increase in bladder health associated with frequent beer consumption.

There are a lot of thirst-quenching drinks, and while I can’t say that beer beats straight water when you’re veins are collapsing and you have ceased sweating (just don’t ask), beer does do far better than Kool Aid and lemonade (though limeade may at least tie)(mmmm… limeade…).  Hard, honest work and beer go together, sometimes in a synchronous manner, sometimes in series.  There’s nothing quite like an intense session of yardwork in the summer involving mowing, edging and cleanup followed up by an ice-cold beer as you stand on your porch surveying the beauty you have inflicted on your lawn.  Really.

Beer matches well with many different foods, much like haughty and effete snobs will lecture on which color of wine goes with which food.  Beer makes it easy: just have some with your food.  I find that it goes great with any roasted or grilled meat product, notably steak.  Mexican food also pairs well with beer, particularly chili, though some caution is required as the tortillas swell up in your stomach.  Any dish designated as Irish by default ought to be washed down with beer, probably a thick, opaque one.  German food also qualifies, but then again that is pretty much a twin to the roasted animal category.  Naturally, pizza also requires beer to help break down the gooey cheese.  After some lengthy research, I have found that beer also goes well with beer.

Random note to my British friends: modern technology has provided us with refrigeration.  Use it, please, to make your beer cold.

You out there in Readerland can choose to agree or disagree with me on this one.  In the meantime, I’ll go have a beer.