Yakkity Gadget

I’m not sure this is a full-blooded rant or not because I’m not entirely certain how I feel about cell phones.  I have to admit that they are pretty handy, notably in times when there are no other phones available, or you don’t have a quarter, or are flat-out lost in the middle of nowhere and you suddenly hear banjos playing.  Texting can be convenient, though frustrating for cave men like me with big, fat fingers.  Getting email on my phone has, admittedly, saved my ass in the past (see prior blog about Asscratch, Kentucky and the email debacle that ensued here).

A lot of my indecision on this subject probably stems from the whole duality of the situation – the damn things are irritating and necessary at the same time.  I get a lot of entertainment out of watching someone walk around with a bluetooth thingy jammed into their ear talking – apparently – to themselves.  This is why I just stick with the earphone method.  At least people can get a visual clue that I’m not completely schizophrenic and having an argument with myself (I do have arguments with myself, but they stay inside my head).

Having grown up tethered to a wall unit with a rotary dial and a curly-stretchy cord, I like to think that I view cell phones as a convenience versus the latest addition to my collection of bodily organs as my kids seem to think they are.  I could well live without a pimphone but I am pretty sure my middle kid would curl into the fetal position, dessicate, and blow away in a poof of dust if her phone was pried from her skull.  I visualize this much like what happens when you drive a stake through a vampire’s heart, but with more feminine teenage drama.  I often wonder if at some point, the light will turn on and they’ll recognize the value and power of being totally and completely unavailable.  To everyone, not just their parents, I probably should add.

I suppose that is what bothers me the most: not being ‘off the grid.’  As an Army dude, I understand that I kind of have to be available, but there is enough room for abuse of this notion to drive a tank through without scratching the paint.  Some high-attention-needs bosses in my past have left scars that color my view of yakkity gadgets:

ME: [Answering cell phone somewhere past 1AM] “Yes, Sir?”

BOSS: [Wading straight into the 5th call since 9PM] “The brigade commander sent out some notes from the training meeting.  Have you seen them?”

ME:  “Not yet, Sir.  When did he send them?”

BOSS:  “About an hour ago.  I added my thoughts.  Make sure everyone gets and understands them.”

ME:  “WILCO, but would that mean right now, or is later this morning going to be ok?”

BOSS:  “Later is fine, and I think we need to discuss your attitude.”

Someday I imagine a news agency will come interview me because I’m the last living American with a functioning land-line.

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5 Responses to “Yakkity Gadget”

  1. outkast86 Says:

    You know, this sounds very similar to an experience i have had…
    ME: “Hey cuz…”
    ANONYMOUS: “Oh my god!!, hey cousin! How’s it going!” And continued talking with no reprievefor breathing until the end of the call somewhere in the vicinity of two hours later, which comes after much debate from the anonymous party.
    But i still love them, and it’s funny.

  2. […] I did a blog entry in early August about my thoughts on cell phones (read it here). That was about how I thought of cell phones themselves, and now I think venting about the people […]

  3. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    haha – I have a love/hate relationship with my cell too…got rid of the land line about 2 years ago..got into big trouble with my husband cause he realized I was calling him on landline and using up his mins when I could have called him for free – mobile to mobile..and hate to talk to someone for 20 mins and realize the call has dropped and they didn’t even hear what I said! and don’t get me started on women talking on phone in bathroom stall..

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