Our Cats: Smudge

Holy Miniature Horses, Batman! That's a Monster Cat!

All of my regular readers will know by now to expect this entry, which deals with our second (chronologically speaking) cat that adopted us in 2006.  This would be Smudge.  What’s that?  Oh, the name.  Well, as dedicated readers know, my youngest daughter named Dixie after a major street in Fort Knox.  When we stumbled on Smudge, it was just me and Di, so I exercised my superior naming talent which also came up with Booger, another cat/family pet.  Based on what the little guy looked like, I picked the name ‘Smudge.’  This is based on the fact that as a dark gray cat, he often looks like a smear on a photograph.  Except his eyes, which look like miniature yellow searchlights shining from his head as he stares his humans down.

The story of finding this big little guy goes back to our first quarters on Fort Leavenworth while I was in school here.  Di and I were out on our screened-in back porch and heard a funny, high-pitched sound.  We discovered a tiny kitten that had fallen into the basement storm window dugout, trapped and unable to get out.  The wild cat who is/was his mother had obviously concluded he was beyond rescue as she did not have thumbs and could not engineer her offspring a way out.

He clung to my flesh with tiny but sharp hooked claws, and he fit snugly in the palm of my hand at the time.  His tiny mewls were barely auduble, they were so high-pitched.  Diana fed him for two nights with an eyedropper, and of course debate over what to do with the little shit ended.  The name followed in about a week, and then the growth was off and running.  Our adult-sized Smudge is over two feet long from nose to tail tip, a very healthy Maine Coon with fluffy and floaty hair.  Web sites on Maine Coons peg his color as ‘blue’ but to look at him he appears as a large… well, smudge, of gray fireplace ash with two glowing eyes that watch your every move.

Smudge is so huge that he prefers laying on his back like a human.  His ‘meow’ has not dropped in pitch much, and is somewhat girly when it comes out of a cat that could earn money for us with a small saddle and a steady supply of toddlers.  In spite of his hugeness and hooked claws, he is quite possibly the most whipped cat this century.  Dixie regularly bitch-slaps him into submission for the general reason of being in the room.   Smudge could disembowl our tabby in seconds but doesn’t as he still thinks he fits into my palm.  He also thinks he is a human. 

Smudge follows Di (to whom he has attached permanently) everywhere, to include the bathroom at 3AM, and back.  He eats like a small horse (his approximate size I should note).  He is not a cuddler at all.  He tolerates about ten seconds of ‘lap time’ before moving to his self-appointed spot at the far end of the sofa.  Smudge is resistant to being picked up, and does not think that ‘Long Cat’ is funny when posed as such.

Our Smudge is in fact so huge that he sounds like a child coming down the stairs, making them creak and pop like a human.  I would estimate his weight at around 20 pounds (thankfully he does not make biscuits), believe it or not.  Jumping upon the bed, it moves as if I climbed in myself.  Dude is our door monitor, watching through the screen when we are outside, making sure we have come back inside as soon as possible so he can resume staring us down.

Smudge is our guy and is actually loving in his own bizarre way.  He headbutts us in the morning when he is tired of finding an empty food dish.  Really, he does.  I have taken to headbutting him back at random times throughout the day when I find him (as usual) reclining on the nearest upholstered furniture.  He just blinks and stares me down, as if to say, “Oh, and you want me to make you food?  Did you notice I don’t have thumbs, asshat?”

So the guy is here to stay for sure.  He’s turned out to be a pretty good cat overall, not acting like the typical disinterested cat.   He does actually respond to calling his name.  He will be around for a while.  That’s a good thing.

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One Response to “Our Cats: Smudge”

  1. outkast86 Says:

    I still say the ancient guardians of the underworld, or kitchen in his case, are not to be trusted.

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