The Most Awesome Breakfast Fast Food

I’ve had the good fortune as an Army Dude to frequently either travel to or be stationed near a town that has a Waffle House.  This is not surprising since Waffle Houses are a largely Southern thing, as are Army posts (a legacy of the Civil War and Reconstruction).  I just love eating there, and have for almost twenty years.  While this ranking of mine often causes controversy, I stand by my assessment.  Granted, I now have to restrict my frequency of Waffle House enjoyment since there are probably about 12,362 calories in the typical breakfast I order there, and 12,301 of them are from fat.  Some foods you just can’t substitute low- or no-fat components for… like ice cream.

Up front here, I will admit that I’ve eaten in hole-in-the-wall greasy spoons, big-name restaurant-theme places, and other locations that arguably serve up better food or healthier stuff.  But, you know, sometimes you don’t want to drive across five states to go back to that one (and only one in existence) family-owned place that rocks.  Sometimes you don’t want to stand in line and then endure the whole big-chain experience.  Sometimes you don’t want to have to put on presentable/clean/acceptable clothes to eat.  I’m talking about fast, friendly, consistently-delicious, and cheap breakfast eats that you can watch being made with your own eyes.  I’m talking about tasty food that there is no question you’ll devour, and you will be able to feel your arteries hardening as you do so.  Sometimes it’s an imperative.  Waffle House takes the prize in my book because it is largely ubiquitous in the South, consistent in menu and quality, and cheap.

Typically, I will get the two eggs over-medium, bacon, hashbrowns in the smothered and covered mode, and a waffle (of course, duh!).  Toast always comes with, and is useful in sopping up the sticky yellow egg yolk.  Coffee is a given here – one must have a warm liquid to dissovle the animal fat that will accumulate in your gullet and choke you out.  Sometimes, if I feel particularly healthy, I’ll throw in a glass of orange juice.  Once served, spectators are best advised to remain at arm’s distance and not let valuable objects or small children near – they may be sucked in.

Don’t forget: breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

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